Today I completed the final stage of my vasectomy. First I had to masturbate into a medical specimen jar. When I was first told of this, I was a little disappointed. They gave me a jar to collect the sample at home and bring in. Or am I the only one who would like hospital permission to masturbate on premises? Not that permission is necessary, it just would have been an interesting twist.
Masturbating into a medical specimen jar isn't the easiest of things to accomplish. Enjoying the act and getting to the moment of truth is simple. I'm not some old fashioned guy who needs to take the jar out for some dinner and dancing first. No amount of alcohol was needed to ease this partner into the relationship. The hard part has to do with geometry and biology. Pointing an erection down towards the collecting vessel tends to cut off the flow. That is unnatural.
You would think the nurses at the clinic would be used to this sort of thing. They've seen puss filled wounds, cancerous tumors, and regularly handle urine samples. So why when I placed the specimen on the counter did the nurse blush and look away? She stammered and glanced around then finally said she would make certain the doctor received it right away. Maybe they aren't used to tall handsome men sauntering up to their desk and proudly plopping down a semen sample with a smile.
Back at home I got the call. "No sperm living or dead."
In my swingin' singles days I used to start some conversations with, "So I was beating my wife the other day..." Then I fell in love and got married and it wasn't so funny anymore. Now I can stand tall and proclaim, "So I was beating my kids the other day..."
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