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Taking my first day of vacation to revamp the campaign blog. It is time for the 2012 look. Simpler, cleaner, easier to read. Added a separate player further down the side column for the Black Whole Son audio book. Curl up by the fire and listen to all 5 hours in one sitting. You've done worse things to waste your life away.

Keep on fisting.

Benny, Me, and Homosexualtiy

I agree with Pope Benedict which is why I disagree with him. Since we are both Popes, the conflict was inevitable.

Pope urges defence of heterosexuality

Speaking in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration, Benedict said yesterday the church viewed the distinction between men and women as central to human nature, and 'asks that this order, set down by creation, be respected'.

The church, he said, 'should protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man was needed, he said,' adding: 'The tropical forests do deserve our protection; but man, as a creature, does not deserve any less.'

Benedict focused his attack on what he described as 'gender' theories, 'which lead towards the definitive emancipation of man from creation and the creator'.

I agree with Benny that the environment could do with a little protection. Sometimes in order to protect an ecology, you have to do a little thinning of the herd. What better way to thin out the environmentally destructive human race than to encourage homosexuality? So I also disagree with him.

And I agree that research into the root causes of gender identity, gender theories, gender selection, or whatever other scientific research into gender he might have been talking about could lead to the emancipation of man from the creator. Scientific exploration that liberates us from captivity by superstitions is a good thing. I don't think Benny agrees with me on that.

Both Benny and I are popes and entitled to our own comprehensions of the world.

Spectacles, Testicles, Brandy, Cigar, and now you, dear reader, are a Pope as well. As such you are as entitled to your own world view as Benny is to his.

What Would Jello Do?

Jello Biafra believes in democracy. If I were the sort of person who thought that representative democracy could not only be saved but was worth saving, I'd probably agree with most of what he has to say in...

Jello Biafra - Open Letter to Barack Obama

As important as it is to find common ground and build consensus for change, our situation is so dire we cannot afford any more dealmakers. The people voted for a leader. Anything less risks breaking the hearts of an entire galvanized generation who may then decide it is not worth it to get involved and participate any more.
(emphasis mine)

I do not agree with some of the ideas he espouses and I do not share his fondness for democracy and elections. He had very interesting and novel solutions, which is something I do like about him.

And the last sentence of the above quote, I agree with that 100%. Difference being, I believe with a fair level of certainty that governments are incapable of doing anything but break people's hearts (and backs, and budgets, and fingers, and skulls, etc). Especially given enough time. Like an entire afternoon.

Still, I think my readers will find that the former lead singer of the Dead Kennedys has a much saner voice than my own. I don't care much for sanity.

NSFW: Requiem for a Goddess

Obituary.

Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

More so than Marilyn Monroe or Jane Mansfield, Bettie Page was a goddess. Her image will transcend the ages. Her form will forever stand as a testament to human beauty regardless of what is currently in fashion. In her death, she will live forever.

Jake on Prop 8

This year's elections may be over and (most) races already decided, but that doesn't stop me. There is an issue out there that seems to be confusing people. It is only confusing because people are dead set on ignoring the First Amendment. What is that one again?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Separation of Church and State! This whole business concerning the legality of gay marriages is quite simple once you get religion out of the picture.

Churches are free to do as they please concerning marriage. If a given church wishes to restrict marriage to one man and one woman it is their prerogative to do so. If sects like the Mormons and Islam want to allow men to have more than one wife, no problem.

So what business does government have in affairs of matrimony? Business, indeed. A legal marriage is a merger between individuals that gives the power to make decisions concerning the shared assets of those involved in the merger. They also share in the liabilities. If the merger ends prematurely (before 'death do us part') it is a court of law, not a religious authority, that oversees the disbursement of assets and liabilities.

From a legal vantage point that assumes the First Amendment says exactly what it says and that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, a legal marriage is a business contract for households. The business of running the household is conducted as a joint venture following agreed upon guidelines such as any laid out in a prenup.

Since it is a specialized business contract, the number and gender of the parties is irrelevant. To declare otherwise is contrary to laws guaranteeing that government agencies can not discriminate based on gender (among many other wonderful things). If two men wish to merge households the government is not granted the power to deny them a contract. If three women desire to merge households the same is true. If three women and two men wanted to form a merger I see no reason why it should be denied.

If two men, three women and a goat wished to marry, it would be denied because the goat is not a legal citizen with protected rights. That is where we need to be focusing our energy.

Equal Rights for Goats!

I did not run this by my lawyer prior to posting so I could be wrong. When elected you'll find out just how right I was.

Trust

Citing the overwhelming success of United States currency since the decision to print the words "In God We Trust" on it, the Department of Homeland Security has decided to expand that trust to national defense.

Anti-terror law requires God be acknowledged

Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, 'The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.'

Don't panic. Unless you live in Kentucky because that is where the law is in effect. So if you live in Kentucky, go ahead and panic. If you live elsewhere, just worry a lot.

If this were China and our predominant religion were Budhism, I could at least fathom placing the job of Homeland security in the hands of temples full of monks trained in Kung Fu and Tai Chi. American churches are best known for their sex scandals. Unless Kentucky plans on being attacked by a group of nude little boys I don't see how God, or at least his representatives here on Earth, is going to help them much.

Black Whole Son Continues

So the book is longer than anticipated. I shall continue reading until it is done.

I ran into a snag yesterday. Apparently the recording software I'm using has a limit of about 33 minutes. It can't record past that. So I saved the last part of the chapter from yesterday to record as a separate chapter today. Another six minutes. Guess I got on a roll when I was writing that one. Good thing I had a fairly natural breaking point to divide it up.

For both of my listeners out there, you may have noticed a slight schedule change to the podcast. While on graveyard I would podcast after work and you would have a new episode by noon. Working swing I would record before work and usually have it up by 1PM. Switching to days the best time to record is after work. It has now become an evening podcast. And often times my wife is home while I am recording. This makes me a little self conscious. Hopefully it doesn't spoil the work at all.

PSA: Contraception

I thought people knew this, but apparently not everyone does. Let's go over this so as to make it nice and sparkling clear.

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Sorry, big word there for anyone who might think pulling out actually is contraception. Let's try that again.

Pulling out is NOT birth control.

She can still get pregnant even if you are an expert at pulling out. It isn't even a little effective. Yes, I've read the statistics that say otherwise and am choosing to ignore them. I don't care if they say it can be up to 96% effective. Do you know what the prereqs for that number are? It means you can't have ejaculated in the last 24 hours or else you'll have a bunch of sperm in your pre-ejaculate. Can you go that long without masturbating? Really?!

It also means you can only fuck once every 24 hours. Can you live with that kind of restriction? Really?!

Pulling out is NOT birth control. It is great for porn stars, anal, and creaming some gal's tits so you can watch her girlfriend lick it all up, but not as contraception.

Got that? Want to see it one more time?

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Will the Fetus be Aborted?

The election may be over, but I am still dedicated to the core values of my campaign. And nothing was more core nor set me apart from the competition quite like my stance on abortion.

So when a friend told me she was considering getting one, I was honest. It started with me telling her that she was talking to the one person who was actually pro-abortion. Next, I encouraged her by telling her about armadillos.

While armadillos are not unique in the animal kingdom for having this ability, they do make a great case study. Some species can prolong how long before the egg attaches to the uterine wall. Very important for any species facing tough times ahead. It can also abort if conditions are not right.

Humans use their intelligence to make them the reproductive equals of the armadillo.

And thanks to her I got a song stuck in my head.

Thanks for the Holiday Bonus

Are you happy right now? Feeling a bit of that holiday spirit? Want to see it all disappear in a fit of rage?

AIG Pulls Fast One -- "Cash Awards" Going To Managers

American International Group Inc., the insurer that said yesterday it scrapped bonuses for top executives after a U.S. bailout, will still pay 130 managers 'cash awards' to stay with the firm, including $3 million to retirement services chief Jay Wintrob.


Wintrob, 51, will get the 'retention' payment in two installments, the first in April 2009 and the rest a year later, New York-based AIG said today in a regulatory filing. The firm previously disclosed the program in a Sept. 26 filing and said today that Wintrob and Chief Financial Officer David Herzog elected to get the payments four months later than planned.

Aw, the pig fuckers don't get a holiday bonus. The one ham slammer has to wait until April for the first installment and a year before he gets the full $3 million.

If I knew that in one year's time I had $3 mil coming my way, I think I'd feel okay 'floating' a few holiday gifts to friends. Instead I feel like somebody did that thing in the above illustration and they went through the bother of keeping it in the freezer for a couple of days.

Getting the Speech

I finally got to hear the corporate America anti-union speech. And yes, the CEO pulled us all off of the factory floor for 45 minutes to tell it to us. Actually, it was only a small piece of a much larger presentation, but it was still exciting.

He told us how unions destroy every industry they touch and the only reason the big 3 auto makers need a bailout right now is because the unions have bled them dry and that unions were unable to survive outside of the auto industry and its support industries. Because it would be obvious to everyone that the meat packers union is to blame for there being no meat at the grocery stores and that the unions at the breweries have destroyed the profitability of American beer. Not to mention what the sex worker's union has done to this country.

I'm anti-union also. Unions have a hierarchical structure. I'd much rather gather up the suits by the dumpsters, shoot them, and then don't replace them with any leaders. But its real hard to organize people to do that. They find out that it would still be classified as murder (instead of liberation or emancipation) and sour on the idea. Oh, they talk big, but they've got no action.

What really shocked me about the anti-union speech at work? It was clear the CEO truly believed what he said. He wasn't trying to force feed propaganda and lies but just sharing his view point. Of course he was dead wrong and the researchable facts are against him. But facts have never gotten in the way of a strong Belief System.

His speech made me feel a bit Wobbly.

Epic Race to the Finish

Because not everyone reads both...

I have completed the National Novel Writing Month Challenge for 2008! There is still a lot to be done. Story lines are nowhere near complete. Some back story and character development is in order. I still plan on trying to merge stories with Rolfe to see what we get. That will require lots of rewriting.

Wednesday was an epic writing day. I had been cruising along at about 1,700 words per day through most of the month. I had yesterday off and banged out the last 7,000+ words in one day. I said, "You're down to 3k, save it for tommorrow." Then it was 2k and I figured I should quit and save it for a new day. Then it was 1k and figured I should at least take some time off of it and do something else for a while. Then I hit 500 and there was nothing in the world that was going to stop me. I can write 500 words any time, any where.

And NaNo had made me feel pretty damn good about myself. During the month of November I managed to not only complete a 50,000 word story but podcast 5 times a week, reasonably kept up 2 blogs, installed a dvd drive on the PC, patched 2 copies of WoW, leveled one of my WoW characters, kept up with my homework, taught my two peers how to calculate non-standard thread forms, kept up my full time job and still managed to get out and play pool at the pub and take in the fire strippers at Devil's Point.

My life is so freakin' awesome!

Change of a Woman's Place

Change!

Are we back to the old conventional wisdom that only women can be secretaries?

Get over it, Clinton haters

For a broad array of editorialists, pundits and kibitzers, as well as anybody else still obsessed with old resentments against the Clintons, the weeks since Election Day have inflicted a profound sensation of cognitive dissonance, as Barack Obama kept naming the friends and allies of his former rival to run his transition and his government. Now with reports that Hillary Rodham Clinton will indeed be appointed secretary of state, those feelings may even induce a stroke here or there.

I thought it was Sarah Palin that caused strokes.

I wonder if Condi Rice has caused any strokes.

While Michelle Obama may cause a few, Elizabeth Kucinich would have caused more. I'm sure both of them have caused more than Laura Bush. Barbara Bush was the anti-stroke causer.

Different strokes for different folks.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.

Change! So great to see so much change taking place. Like changing back to a time when being a secretary was women's work and it was okay to admit that the secretary may even induce a stroke here or there.

Listening to Yourself

The whole podcast experiment, especially reading my book, has taught me something I had never accepted about myself.

I have a typically Minnesotan voice. Not the rural Scandawhovian ya sure you betcha Fargo accent. I escaped that. I'm talking about the Hüsker Dü, Bob Mould, Violent Femmes, Hold Steady, Terrence McKenna upper mid-west nasal voice. Especially Terrence McKenna. The guy was six foot four, same height as me, but when I watch videos of him speaking he always seems shorter because of that sharp nasal tone to his voice. He was the world's tallest pixie. (Note pixie not Pixie.)

It can be cute, but never sexy. It rivals New York Jews when you want to be an annoying know it all. Of course it is best when put to use in sarcasm and self defacing humor. As though that's original.

I Was Wrong

I often like to be proven wrong. It is a chance to grow and learn. If you are always right, then you already know everything and no longer have to think. Your brain decays and dies. So yet again, I Was Wrong!



You watch that? Go ahead. That is the short video sequence that proved to me I was wrong about Bush.

George W. Bush stands alone. He is an individual. He looks like everybody else, but has set himself apart as a man who goes his own way. That is exactly how the average American likes to think of him/herself.

George W. Bush lacks the confidence to truly stand alone, so he lets other people tell him what to do. That is exactly what the average American does.

When George W. Bush stood to lose to his opponent, he didn't lay down and let things run their course. He went to court to get what he perceived as being his. Your average American does the same thing all the time.

He came into office with a grudge against a man and did everything in his power, including lying and slander, to see that Saddam got what was coming to him. That is exactly what the average American does.

George W. Bush drank and fucked his way through college earning an average grade. An average grade like an average American.

George W. Bush paid for everything on credit. Economic signs were bleak, the cards were maxed out, and he kept right on spending. Just like your average American.

George W. Bush was a true representative of the people. His actions may not have been what they wanted. They may not have agreed with most of his policies. But his methods of operation, totally American. All of this revealed in a few moments of video where he stands alone. Unrecognized. Unwelcome. Just like the average American.

I am not an average American and still hate him even more than I hate Reagan. And I really fucking hate Reagan.

Keeping Busy

My post election lifestyle has been busy. There is NaNoWriMo, of course. I've been keeping fairly well on track with that and finally got a couple thousand words ahead of schedule.

The podcast has been fun and given me a reason to revisit my first book. Today I got done recording and looked at the time marks on the track. Nearly half an hour! The shortest chapter so far was two minutes. Half hour chapter, though. Wow. I guess I really liked that one. It could easily be plucked out of the book and reworked into a short story rejected for publishing by every decent journal in the country. Maybe Penthouse would print it.

And there was the expansion release of World of Warcrack. But no crack until I finish podcasting and writing. Which isn't hard. I guess it isn't that addictive.

Then the homework. It hardly counts as anything. I don't know how they can even pretend to call this a college degree program even if it is just a two year degree. I could have passed this class in middle school. Go back to calling them tech schools and give out certifications instead of degrees. It makes me embarrassed to have a degree when I'm in school with people who couldn't be bothered to complete high school. I feel like I should be doing graduate level work just to wash away this dirty feeling.

After Thanksgiving work is moving me to day shift. I'm not excited about that. Totally ruins my schedule. Right now I wake up when I please, lay in bed, masturbate, and then go about my day. You can't rush masturbation. It's not like I can set my alarm a little earlier to allow for ten to twenty minutes of personal time. Besides, I'd finish and then pass out again. So now I have to wait until lunch. That sucks.

There is still the full time job of not commenting on Obama rumors and giving the lying asshole politician a chance to prove himself first. That one is hard.

If You Love America, You Throw Money In Its Hole!

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

Fast Food, Fast Writing

Went to Burgerville for some lunch today. It's a great NW spot to get fast food that costs more than going to any of the National chains but serves real food grown in the Pacific Northwest.

After eating I noticed signage all over the restaurant. Turns out, Burgerville is doing their part to support NaNoWriMo. They invite writers to come in, enjoy free WiFi, and work on their novels.

And right now that means seasonal pumpkin shakes. So I can sit, write, have a pumpkin shake, and get fat without having to participate in the getting stupid part of fast food. Yay!

Cynical Pig

It's like it's me if I were a short cynical pig.



Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics
But I'm not short.

CHANGE!

You want change? I'll give you change.

Give me a dollar and I'll give you four quarters. Or maybe you'd rather have two quarters, three dimes and four nickels. I could even give you three nickels, six dimes, and a quarter.

Want more change? No problem. In exchange for a fifty spot I'll give you forty singles (show the girls some appreciation) a fiver, ten quarters, three rolls of pennies, and a Sacajawea.

Now that I think about it, if I could get that for every fifty dollars I gave the government, I'd be a very happy man.

It is time for change!

Spot On

Once again, my favorite fake news source gets things exactly spot on.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion

'The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we've come as a nation,' said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. 'Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we've reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.'

'Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,' Williams continued. 'And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.'

Said Williams, 'The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.'

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

As a racist conservative prick of a co-worker said, "I'll give him a year or two in office before I pass judgement."

We've come a long way, baby.

Must... Stop... Commenting...

Not saying a word.

BBC NEWS

Because Obama may turn out to be less red in the practice of his presidency than his words and aspirations would imply.

For example, on that windfall tax (on oil companies) - which much of the Labour Party would love to see imitated here - there's already been a strong hint from Obama's advisers that it's on hold, following the collapse in the oil price.

Nope, not saying anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

History Made

The time has come for me to admit that President elect Obama beat me out. I couldn't even carry my home state or my adopted home state. Not a big surprise. I was trying for the anarchist crowd. Registered voters among the anarchists are hard to find. Even when you find them, trying to convince them that they should vote for someone, anyone, is even harder. After all, it ain't easy maintaining your anarchist street cred. I put my own in jeopardy just to run.

To all of you who were worried that my choice to not turn on my own campaign and vote for the lesser evil was somehow going to spoil the election, I hope you are happy to be wrong. I believed you last time and was wrong. I ignored you this time and was right.

Four years ago I heard the cries of people, upon hearing election results, that the time had come to move to Canada. America was doomed. Tonight, within minutes of hearing the election results while at work, I once again heard people saying the time had come to move to Canada. Obama had won. America was doomed. In both cases these people were right. America is doomed. I see the election of Obama as a minor deceleration of the decay. Like rust on the frame of your old car, you can do all you want to slow the process, but the outcome is inevitable. Thank you Mr. Obama for allowing me a little more time to keep on fisting the rotting corpse of the American dream.

I do feel honored to have been a part of this historic election. Yes, history has been made. The chips were stacked to make it nigh impossible for anything other than a historic evening. But as I pointed out to my parents, in the history of Western civilization, electing someone of African descent to the highest office is far more ground breaking than electing a woman. It is especially more ground breaking than electing a woman to the second highest office. This is a monumental occasion.

My final hope for the evening is that I'm wrong about this guy.

Election Day

Is it over yet? Can I start claiming election fraud and start up my government in exile?

Environmental Policy

Apparently my campaign manager can't remember my environmental policy. Not that it matters much now, but here goes.

A typical presidential campaign has a gigantic carbon footprint. Jet all over the place with your entire entourage to campaign and hold rallies. Canvasers driving from neighborhood to neighborhood. Loads and loads of paper ad campaigns. Energy wasted on e-mails and phone calls. Tons of resources thrown into election day itself. And if you demand a paper ballot, you are once again creating more waste. Electronic voting systems are also horrific with all the hazardous materials used in their manufacture. The voter's guides in Oregon are the size of magazines and mailed to every registered voter. What a waste.

Save the environment. Don't vote.

And burn aborted fetuses for fuel.

Let's Be Sirius

Bloody hell! It's the day before Black Tuesday. How is the campaign doing?

Honestly, I got my ass whooped. Time to start looking ahead to 2012. Or maybe a Portland Mayoral run in 2010. If Extremo the Clown can run, so can I.

I have picked out one area where I utterly failed my campaign. Besides my campaign manager thinking that I was a crackpot and refusing to vote for me. The real problem was in the branding.

I tried to peddle this:



Nobody understands that. A minority will recognize the anarchy sign and even most of them will get confused as hell by the red white and blue 13 star theme. The whole patriotic Anarcho-American thing should have been a reserve graphic. I loved it too much and it was my own damn fault for pushing it.

What I should have been pushing was this:



I thought it was only mildly amusing. I was wrong. This was the one that Joe (with) the Plumber (crack) liked. This was the one the folks at the bars liked. This was the one even the queers liked. Yes, the raised fist, inverted star, that field of blue on the candy cane stripes. Immediately recognizable, familiar, comfortable, no one had to think about it. Then they read the phrase and always burst out laughing at how inappropriate it seemed. Never mind that it stated my intentions quite clearly. Every element was lifted from pop culture. That should have been a sign that it was a winner.

It will definitely take center stage for the 2012 campaign. Until then, keep on fisting the American dream.

Caught Fucking a Pig

Yes, the pig fuckers are still in control. Luckily they don't always get away with the wholesale rape of the swine.

Lies and Audiotape: Morgan Chase Exec Brags Bailout Is for Takeovers, Restructuring, Not Lending

Twenty-five billion dollars is obviously going to help the folks who are struggling more than Chase. What we do think it will help us do, is perhaps be a little bit more active on the acquisition side, or opportunistic side, for some banks who are still struggling. And I would not assume that we are done on the acquisition side, just because of the Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns mergers. I think there are going to be some great opportunities for us to grow in this environment, and I think we have an opportunity to use that $25 billion in that way. And obviously depending on whether recession turns into depression or what happens in the future, you know, we have that as a backstop.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

This Cycle

I saw a Ralph Nader sign in the neighborhood the other day. Remember that guy? His chances peaked in 2000. It was a hell of a good race. He did so well that many Democrats tried to blame him for Bush getting into office. Partially true, I guess. His campaign wasn't quite good enough to win. He wasn't able to inspire enough people to defect. Which resulted in a major backlash. But instead of people returning in droves to the parties of the two lying bastards, they just locked themselves in their homes. Of course now Nader truly is irrelevant. In 2000 there were Nader sign everywhere and people were filling stadiums to attend Nader rallies. Now there is one sign in my neighborhood and I think I saw a YouTube clip at some point.

The Libertarian Party got screwed by Ron Paul. People of that bent got behind the Texas Republican and kind of wandered off aimlessly like a havering Irishman looking for midnight mass in Dubuque.

McCain threw the race. Like a prize fighter, he had to make it look good, put on the show. He grabbed the GOP nomination and then took a dive. He'll stay up nights watching On the Waterfront and sobbing uncontrollably every time Marlon Brando says, "I coulda been a contenda."

Palin's career is now as doomed as Geraldine Ferraro's. Remember Fritz and Tits? I don't remember hearing a thing about her until this year when she pretended to be a racist so Hillary Clinton wouldn't have to. So how long will her preggers daughter and that redneck hockey jock stay together once there is no White House stint? So Sarah can just go back to being a den mother for her litter. She can dedicate her time to personally building up Alaska's own separatist militia.

Obama still scares the shit out of me. Yes, he's the lesser of two evils. But when you're talking about 98% evil versus 93% evil, that's still a hell of a lot of evil going on. He is a sweet talker and his campaign is freakishly reminiscent of Reagan's. Not as far as platform but in style. He is your friend, your best buddy, he is listening to what you are saying and wants to assure you that he is on your side. He has also received more campaign contributions than any other Presidential candidate in history. Don't think for a moment that there aren't some favors owed. He is a politician and knows how the game is played. Candidate of change! I suppose if you change one thing out of a thousand it is still more change than four more years of the same old crap. Hurray for change! The only real positive I see is that he is black. The fact that his ethnicity played any kind of role in this race is proof of just how backwards we are as a nation. I approve of his winning as a step towards getting over the stupid bullshit melanin obsession.

But what really gets me are all these folks trying to tell me what a wonderful, electrifying election year it has been. People breaking through gender and ethnic barriers left and right. I've experienced this as one of the nastiest campaigns so far in my short history. Convention cities setting up full fledged detention camps for protesters. People getting in fist fights over who they support. Party members showing total disrespect for the democratic system they proclaim to love by weeping when a black receives the nomination over a woman. Media black outs of people like Ron Paul. A pro-life Christian moralist with a pregnant teenage daughter. Constant accusations of connections to Islam. Everyone denying our conversion to socialism as they 'interrupt' their campaigns to make it happen. Tabloid gossip political coverage.

The United States is done for. Our political process is a circus full of clowns on fire. The water buckets are filled with kerosene. Watch as they burn and flail for our amusement. And we get to go down in flames right along with them.

Happy voting, citizens.

News With Interest

The Fed has continually cut interest rates in an attempt to stabilize the economy. All that rate cutting lead to more lending and a further destabilized economy. What would be the logical next move?

NPR

The Federal Reserve is expected to cut interest rates Wednesday by at least a half-percentage point to 1 percent. Economists believe the Fed will cut rates because of the current financial turmoil and fears that there might be a prolonged recession...

'And the markets are expecting they'll keep going and cut them further, perhaps' to 0.5 percent, by year's end,

I've got a better idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let's get rid of the Federal Reserve.

And then we can put a ban on lending at interest. When I lend a pal $10, I expect to get $10 back in a reasonable amount of time. I don't expect or want him to pay me $20 back over ten years. I give him the ten spot and say, "I know you're good for it." If I'm wrong, I never lend him money again. I've lent money to countless numbers of people this way and only ever cut off one person.

Too simple?

Blah, Blah , Blah

I missed all the debates, but now I feel like I only missed one of them!

Thanks for sharing, BDJ.

NaNoWriMo

Once again I shall be participating in National Novel Writing Month. It means less blogging for a month. But I will still be podcasting. November will be me reading from my book, Black Whole Son.

New material and free audio book. Lucky you.

Choices

It's coming down to the wire. People want to know, "No. Really Jake. Who would you vote for between Obama and McCain?" They insist there is a very real difference between these two and I need to pick one

What a fantastically relevant question. Here is another fantastically relevant question for you people asking. Who would you rather have molesting your child, the effeminate Catholic Priest or the dirty, hairy biker? You have to admit there are very real differences between the two.

Which would you rather walk across, hot coals or broken glass? Not the same thing at all.

Drowning or lynching?

Okay, that's all a little grim. Maybe you don't see the choices with so much gloom and doom. So would you rather have Coke or Pepsi? No, RC is not an option! Neither is water.

McDonalds or Burger King? Wendys, Arbys, White Castle and all the rest are really irrelevant. Choose one of the two big ones.

Miller or Bud?

WalMart or Target?

Chevy or Ford?

Football or Baseball?

Obama or McCain?

Choose your representative identity!

Pull My Strings

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Bad Bumper Sticker

Spotted on the road to work.

Abortion Causes
Breast Cancer

Just in case you didn't know, it doesn't.

Giving birth to a baby does cause breast parasites.

Let Them Know!

Yesterday a pollster stopped by the house wearing an Obama/Biden button. When asked if we were going to be voting for Obama or McCain in the coming election, I told her this was a Jake household and offered her a button.

She declined.

24 Years Later

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

AWPC: Abortion

I'm still committed to my pro-abortion stance. So we were talking about a co-worker...

Him: Personally I think any father who isn't involved with his kids is a bad father.

Jake: Yeah but in (his) case it is probably a good thing. I'd say, "Sorry kid. Your dad is an idiot and a dead beat and your mom was dumb enough to fuck him. You should have been aborted. Just be thankful that your dad isn't in your life to fuck you up even more."

Him: (laughing) You should have been aborted. You're probably right.

Jake: Hey. I make no bones about my pro-abortion stance.

Bugged?

Is this punishment for titling a podcast "Vote for McCain"? I've added two episodes since then and neither one is feeding. Goddamned Republican conspiracies.

I Approve This Message

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Voter Abstinence

It's supposed to be funny.



"Remember, when you vote for a candidate, you are actually voting for every stance they've ever held."

Michael Savage is a Rapist

From NoSavage.org

Shock jock Michael Savage is a bully. He derides, demeans, and distorts those who don't agree with his hate-filled, right-wing agenda, and when that fails, he files lawsuits. Now, Savage has tried to silence Brave New Films -- this bully has pushed us too far.

Here's what happened: Last Thursday night, YouTube removed over 300 of our videos from their site and disabled our account, including our highly popular Real McCain and FOX Attacks series. They didn't restore the account until Friday afternoon. We were furious to discover that our entire account was disabled over one unjust copyright complaint from Michael Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc., regarding a video we made eight months ago titled "Michael Savage Hates Muslims" -- a video that fell well within the terms of fair use of the material.

Here's what we're doing: On Friday, Brave New Films filed a lawsuit against Savage for his effort to suppress and silence us. Thanks to help from the Stanford Law School's Fair Use Project, we will take the fight right back to Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc.

Here's how free speech works; people can say whatever the hell they want and if you don't agree, then don't listen to it.

Michael Savage date rapes the First Amendment. He takes full liberties with it and then beats it up and locks it in the basement when it does something he doesn't approve of. That's right...

Michael Savage is a Rapist!

Comic Truth

Sinfest has been really hitting it dead on lately. I'll have to find some cabinet post for Tatsuya Ishida.

The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received

Norm Coleman's lackey, Cullen Sheehan, needs to take some acting lessons. Learn how to adlib. You can say the same thing over and over as many times as you like as long as every time you say it sounds a little different. But in this press conference he says the same phrase, "The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received," nine times!



For the record, I post this mostly because I hate Norm Coleman. It is my goal to become a minion of Satan just so that I can be put in charge of Coleman's torture in hell. Actually I want some oversight on the torture of politicians in general, as many Republicans as possible, and specifically Norm Coleman and Ronald Reagan. Bush has no soul.

AWPC

While having lunch at work with a table of middle-age coworkers I received another glowing endorsement.

Woman: I bet Jake could bring down this government at least as fast as these other two clowns.

USA Still #1!

Yesterday in an unusual Columbus Day event, citizens celebrated the fact that despite all of our economic troubles, wire tapping, warrant-less surveillance, an Army unit stationed domestically, elections decided by courts instead of the people, and a national debt currently estimated at $10 trillion (just to name a few things actually known about), we are still the freest nation inside the United States of America.

And no one can ever take that away from us.

Mavericks!

A certain pair of Presidential hopefuls keeps trying to brand themselves as mavericks. I believe I have discovered what they really mean when they say that and yes, it is an apt metaphor.

What kind of Mavericks are they?

May Your Fears Consume You

The United States feared Communism and now is becoming everything we hated and feared about the old Soviet Union.

The United States feared Islamic extremists and now is embodying everything we hated and feared about the Taleban.

The United States feared all these Mexican immigrants illegally crossing the border and now is developing into the kind of nation Mexico used to be... only without enough hot latino food or hot latina babes.

Has anyone considered being deathly afraid of affluence?

GD2

My grandpa always told me the best stories about the depression. He was full of them, too. We'd be sitting around the kitchen table playing dominoes and I'd hear the same ones several times but then he'd throw a new one my way. I'm sure he had more in him that went with him from this world.

There were stories of having to forgo sleeping in an abandoned warehouse for fear that the giant, hungry rats would decide to have a go at the living. Sympathetic rail yard workers who would tell them which trains to catch and which ones to avoid. Pissing in half a tin of chewing tobacco just so everyone would stop asking for a pinch. Amazing stories of survival and a few of tragic death.

I don't fear another Great Depression. Remember the glory years of the Clinton administration and how everyone felt like they were getting rich? My grandpa said those years were even worse than the Great Depression. I can only imagine what he'd think of our current situation.

Maybe I don't fear because I don't have that far to fall. Sure, I've got plenty to lose. I just don't have nearly as much to lose as most Americans. Kick me out on the street and I've got a tent. Take my tent and I've got a tarp. I can wash dishes, walk beans, detassle corn, build stuff from wood and metal, brew beer, grow vegetables, kill small animals, and take a punch. I've got everything I need to survive another Great Depression.

And never forget my great uncle's secret to long life and happiness. He was also a survivor of the Great Depression who lost a fortune by virtue of having it in a bank. He lived to be a smiling 105 so I think the man knew a little something about long life and happiness. His secret for good times and bad?

Whiskey all night and polka 'til dawn!

Economic Resilience

Can't get this damn 'Bail-Out' business out of my head. I am laughing so hard right now. They say the economy is tanking. It isn't. An economy is tanking. The money backed by the full faith of our government and the Federal Reserve and bearing the words 'In God We Trust' is going down like a turd in a high flow toilet.

And good riddance to it.

You want answers? I don't want to give you any. But here is an option.

What is the one market that has remained steady? It has grown as the population has grown and every attempt to tamper with it has resulted in market shifts, but no noticeable declines.

I am talking about the drug trade. Pot, coke, shrooms, heroin, these things have all managed to maintain a stable rate of trade no matter how liberal the state drug laws or how draconian the federal war on drugs has been. Drugs are stable money.

You want to save the economy? Let's back up our currency with marijuana. You want to grow the economy? Grow Hemp!

That's my advice. So go put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Bail-out!

I love it. I'm not sure how in the hell the economy tanked so goddamned fast and nobody saw it coming from a mile away. Or even if it really has tanked. But people keep telling me it has. I'm pretty sure it started shortly before Bush stole office and as best I can tell it just steam rolled all the way through eight years of shit.

But I love it. Headlines sporting the phrase 'bail-out'. Beautiful. No sugar coating. Just plain ugly English. Look at that phrase. Bail-out. It's so beautifully negative.

Even as I type this and marvel at all the headlines containing the fantastic phrase 'bail-out' I see those headlines reappearing under the sickly phrase 'market rescue'.

Aw, even the media is getting in on the bail-out. How sweet.

Pandering

Government bailing out private institutions is wrong. This is the second time in my lifetime that Republicans have had to bail out banks. Not that they had to. Not really.

To someone with any kind of savings, having a bank fail is a really horrible thing. My great uncle lost a lot of money this way during the Great Depression. That is why government bails out these institutions. They are trying to prevent the panic from spreading. And they are covering their own asses.

A great number of Americans live paycheck to paycheck and don't give a rat's ass if the banks go belly up 'cuz they can always cash their check at the liquor store. It's an ignorant view, but God bless 'em their heart is in the right place.

I stick by my original platform statement on the subject, stated long before this debacle was making headlines. Firstly, switch to a voluntary taxation model so nobody has to pay for anything they don't want to. If people are in favor of the government bailout, by all means send them money to support it. Secondly, shut down the Fed! This would immediately screw all banks. Trickle down economics finally working.

Free Mullet Boy!

If you think I'd support this, you're wrong.

Free Levi!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.

Bill Maher is a very funny man. Sure, he can sound a bit know-it-all condescending on his show. It is his show. His humor is often rooted in common sense and pokes fun at those who seem to not just defy logic, but those who run in the opposite direction screaming.

So when he encourages young Levi Johnston to abscond, where does he go wrong?

It's not that Levi fucked the daughter of a Republican governor. I'm all for that. It's the kind of thing I would do out of spite and enjoy. But what about birth control? You gotta remember to wrap up your hockey stick before the game.

You see, Levi is an idiot. He had unprotected sex with the daughter of a prominent pro-lifer. Bad idea. He is also a self-professed redneck boozer stoner hockey jock who until recently sported a mullet. If we let this guy roam the streets freely he'll have idiot spawn crowding classrooms up and down the west coast. Best to lock him up in a shotgun marriage under public scrutiny.

Besides, the likelihood that this relationship will last is practically zero. They might have a gun to his head for a maximum of eight years (and a few months). During that time he can use his new found 'friends' to get him into any college he wants, muscle into corporate power positions, and go on drunken coke binges. When this nightmare is over, he can bolt and sell story rights to FOX. If you look at the big picture, there are lots of opportunities to be had by sticking with the carrier of the abdominal parasite he helped to create. You'd think Bill Maher would recognize this terrific opportunity.

In the end Levi is just a mullet headed redneck hockey jock. He'll go along with whatever coach tells him to do.

Credit Where Due

I'll give credit where due. I still support the Lysander Spooner voluntary tax approach which will offer the largest possible tax cut of any Presidential candidate. Of the two 'majors' Obama has a much more appealing tax plan.

Tax Plans (that’s one for you, nineteen for me)

There’s a graph that Obama supporters are sending around, showing the differences between the Republican and Democrat tax cut proposals. It shows that Obama is not in fact planning to raise taxes - he’s planning to cut them for all but the very, very rich. I couldn’t help but notice though - the graph is still massively weighted towards the interests of the super-rich. For example, the bottom two-thirds of the population are given only a third of the space on the graph, while the top 0.1% of the population - one in a thousand people - gets almost 10%. What’s more, an “average tax cut” is then given, which seems to have been derived from taking a total of the nine income brackets shown and dividing it by nine. Journalists should really volunteer to take remedial arithmetic, you know. Once again, this ignores that one of the brackets represents one thousandth of the population.

Of course all either any these candidates can really do (myself included) is to sign off or veto the tax plan sent to them by Congress. It's not like we elect a temporary dictator. Those have to steal elections.

Saint Doug Stanhope

Saving Bristol

Never in history has a woman been under more pressure to keep an unwanted pregnancy than Bristol Palin. She is the teenage daughter of Alaska Governor & Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin - a conservative, Creationist Christian power-vampire and pro-life huckster who has put Bristol and her un-welcomed fetus at the center of a politico-religious crusade to stop her exercising her constitutional right to terminate the pregnancy.

Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol's tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us - the silent majority - to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.

These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home. I have also set up a PayPal link so that others around the world can help increase this amount to ease the burden of starting out on your own at such an early age.

Bless this saint of a man. His courageous endeavor brings a tear to my eye. We can only hope that Bristol hears the call. I would gladly act as her body guard as she crosses the line of protesters at the clinic.

The Story So Far

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics, has managed to capture the essence of the campaign as it currently stands in a way no news source or political cartoon ever could. It even has a character that represents me. It truly is all encompassing.



You know what this means? I can't believe it hasn't been done yet. Some talented remixer needs to make Theme for Barack.

That cat Barack is a bad mother...
Watch your mouth!
Just talkin' about Barack
We can dig it

And I'll be forced to write and record my own campaign anthem, as usual. Maybe some Twisted Sister? I Wanna Roth!

Win/Win!

Fans of progressive politics who believe in the current system of democracy should rejoice.

If the Democrats win we will have the first black President.

If the Republicans win we will have the first female Vice President.

That's some guaranteed progress in the redneck backwards hick U S of A.

Unless I win. Then it's just another pair of white guys in office.

Holiday In Cambodia Pakistan

I shouldn't laugh when I read stuff like this.

George Bush secret order to send special forces into Pakistan

A secret order issued by George Bush giving US special forces carte blanche to mount counter-terrorist operations inside Pakistani territory raised fears last night that escalating conflict was spreading from Afghanistan to Pakistan and could ignite a region-wide war.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Actually it was the balance ball so it is fairly easy to fall off of. Still, I was laughing and saying out loud, "It's not like Vietnam how?"

In Robert Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land the hero, Michael Valentine, one day is visiting a zoo when he finally groks people.

They laugh because it hurts...because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting.

Bristol Palin

Is it just me, or does the pregnant teen daughter of Sarah Palin, Bristol (right), look exactly like the kind of gal you would expect to be a pregnant teen? One look at that face and I can imagine her makeup running down her rosy cheeks, hunched over and sobbing uncontrollably, her hair a clumping mess as she has to tell her enraged parents that she got knocked up.

Bristol, you would be my personal hero forever if you got an abortion, told your fiance to fuck off, and started stripping once you turned 18. Don't be a pawn in your mom's games. Take control of your destiny. Do it and I will boot my current veep choice and add you to the Jake ticket for 2012 so you can tell your mom, "Yeah, I ran for the nation's second highest office, too!". Consider it.

Sarah Palin: Great White Hunter

Wolves are good hunters. Too good for some people. They kill all of that wonderful trophy moose in Alaska preventing tourist hunters from having a crack at them. The solution?

Sarah Palin, predator control, shooting wolves | Salon

Wildlife activists thought they had seen the worst in 2003 when Frank Murkowski, then the Republican governor of Alaska, signed a bill ramping up state programs to gun down wild wolves from airplanes, inviting average citizens to participate. Wolves, Murkowski believed, were clearly better than humans at killing elk and moose, and humans needed to even the playing field.

But that was before Sarah Palin took Murkowski's job at the end of 2006. She went one step, or paw, further. Palin didn't think Alaskans should be allowed to chase wolves from aircraft and shoot them -- they should be encouraged to do so. Palin's administration put a bounty on wolves' heads, or to be more precise, on their mitts.

In early 2007, Palin's administration approved an initiative to pay a $150 bounty to hunters who killed a wolf from an airplane in certain areas, hacked off the left foreleg, and brought in the appendage.

I would be all for this if instead of shooting the wolves, people had to jump out of low flying aircraft with a knife clasped in their teeth onto a wolf, wrestle it to the ground, and hack off the limb of the still fighting beast. And they must do it while wearing a loin cloth. Anyone who managed to do that would have earned the bounty. I would personally pay the bounty to see Palin do it. Double if her pregnant daughter does it.

But to be fair, if you owned an airplane would you really want to put yourself at risk by shooting wolves from the ground? What if you miss?

I'm Huge on the Internet

Since there are many people who will never read comments...

Jake hits the big time!

Thanks to Clusterlizard for making this happen.

Palin Meme

The Michael Palin meme spread pretty fast. To be expected.

Non-Smokers

Non-smoking kills.

Reuters

Former British heavyweight boxing champion James Oyebola was shot in the neck in a nightclub after asking a group of men to stop smoking.

He died in just four days from his non-smoking related injuries. Smoking related deaths take years.

McCain Picks Palin

Since I was on vacation I couldn't immediately comment on McCain's Veep pick. Upon hearing that he picked Palin, it became apparent that he was of sound mind and was in this thing to win. He picked someone that even I can support.

Dem Veep Revealed

The candidate of change is at it again. This time he has announced his running mate and shocked the world with his choice.

Did he choose a woman? How about a Latino or Native American? Or maybe someone who has worked outside the system to bring about changes?

How about a gray haired white dude? Yep, Senator Joe Biden. How revolutionary! What better way to cause change than to select a running mate who matches the gender and ethnicity of every President and Vice President in the 230+ year life of this nation. What better choice than a former lawyer with a plastic smile who has followed in the footsteps of Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms.

Ah, but he's Catholic. We've only had one of those before. And that ended well...

Drug Testing

For the record, I am 100% against employment drug testing. I am against pre-employment drug testing as a condition of hire. I am against scheduled drug testing such as is used for many people who operate heavy machinery or drive a company vehicle. I am against random drug testing in the work place. I am against post-accident drug testing.

However, I have no sympathy for a person who loses their job as a result of work place drug testing. I don't care if it was a random, scheduled, or accident related drug test. You know the conditions of your employment. You took a gamble and used substances that could show up as a positive. You failed a drug test and lost your job. If your job was so important to you the situation could have been avoided.

If it was a false positive, get a lawyer and sue for wrongful termination. There is a lot of case history and research to back you up.

Sleepwalker McCain

For the record...

I do not endorse Obama for President.

There is a line in the video that gets repeated saying, "We're all gonna die if McCain gets elected." I do not agree with this statement.

With that said, I am just as welcoming of a President who chooses to pop a bunch of mind altering pills as I am of one who smokes a little grass. Hell, they can do both for all I care.

Thanks Jeremy

This thing plays out like an advertisement for Syndicalist Anarchism. I don't think it was meant to.



What do you want? Information. You won't get it! By hook or by crook...

Proxy Wars

Proxy Wars were very popular during the Cold War days. By popular, I mean that the United States and Soviet Union favored them as a means to divide up the globe between the capitalists and the communists. For most of the people in the countries where these things were fought, the proxy wars weren't very popular at all.

But the United States and Russia are still at it, fighting proxy wars. This latest conflict between Russia and Georgia has an element that caught my attention.

Did the U.S. Prep Georgia for War with Russia?

Since early 2002, the U.S. government has given a healthy amount of military aid to Georgia. When I last visited South Ossetia, Georgian troops manned a checkpoint outside Tskhinvali -- decked out in surplus U.S. Army uniforms and new body armor.

Emphasis mine. New body armor. From the United States. This was shortly before we were hearing the horror stories of our own troops not having body armor in Afghanistan and Iraq. The Pentagon short-changed their own soldiers in the name of a proxy war against the old Bear.

Do you have any idea how many yellow ribbons it takes to do the job of one small piece of body armor? Our soldiers got screwed.

Retarded

Message to the Special Olympics:

You are retarded!

Your athletes are retarded.

Your events are retarded.

Protesters gather at Stiller film

Tim Shriver, chairman of disability group Special Olympics, said protestors were particularly offended by the use of the word 'retard' regarding a character, Simple Jack, played by Stiller

'We feel that the use of the word 'retard' throughout the film, 15 or more times, is done without any regard for the dignity of people with intellectual disabilities,' he said.

The word retarded refers to something that is slower than it should be or slower than normal. It was used as a simple technical term long before it became associated with people with mental disabilities who are, very technically speaking, retarded. I use it nearly every day when fixing machines. The timing is retarded. That cam is retarded. The MPD response time needs to be retarded. That operator is retarded.

The organization known as the Special Olympics is retarded for not being up to snuff on the meaning of a term they object to.

Their athletes are retarded because no Special Olympian comes close to even the worst performances among regular Olympians.

Their events are retarded because they have to slow down the pace of things to cater to the people involved.

Based on trailers I've seen, the film they are protesting looks mildly retarded.

And I'm retarded for taking way too freakin' long to explain the meaning of the term retarded to a bunch of retarded people who probably won't even see this retarded post.

Abortions for All!

Yes! A chance to talk about one of my favorite topics. Why, just yesterday I was talking with my parents about abortion and now I get to take an opportunity to talk about it some more.

My fellow Americans, now more than ever I am in support of abortion.

Millions Who Had Abortions Don't Know It

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has drafted a rule that would call it abortion when a contraceptive prevents a fertilized egg from embedding itself in the uterine wall.

All you gals on the pill are having abortions. All you women with IUDs are having abortions. It is a great time to be alive if you are one of the lucky few who didn't get aborted.

Never mind the medical definition that states the zygote has to actually attach to the uterine wall before it can be considered a pregnancy. Like the hard core religious fundamentalist right-to-lifers I also do not trust doctors. None of them will give me the good meds when I'm in pain. FYI Doc: I pop maybe two pills a year! If I come to you in pain seeking a little comfort, it is because if anyone else felt the way I did they would think they were dieing so just give me the freakin' prescription! Now, where was I?

Under a broad definition of the new rule, my vasectomy prevents zygotes from attaching to uterine walls by preventing eggs from getting fertilized. I am a walking, talking abortion clinic! Awesome.

Some folks are troubled by this new rule. They say it will be used to deny women access to contraception. Which in the short term it might. I am in favor of it in as much as I am in favor of abortions. I also think this is exactly the kind of theocratic bullshit that pushes the issue over the top. If you call contraception abortion, suddenly abortion doesn't seem so frightening. Psychologically it makes the pro-life arguments impotent. It aborts them.

I Met the Walrus

Enjoyable. Great laugh at about 4:18. Peace.

Pop Goes the Weasels

McCain and Obama have revealed some of their pop culture picks in a recent article. Turns out I have something in common with John McCain.

Obama, McCain reveal pop culture favorites

In the world of music, McCain revealed a weakness for the Swedish disco-era band ABBA, late singer Roy Orbison and 1970s star Linda Ronstadt.

I could do without Linda. Obama listed Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan, Sheryl Crow and John Coltrane. I like Sinatra and Dylan, but when put in a tops list with Crow and Coltrane, let it be said I will never attend a party at the Obama household.

And is is just me or does the article seem to be deliberately playing to the McCain camp?

To answer some of the same questions put to the other candidates (since nobody bothered to ask me):

• Favorite Super-hero: I grew up liking Captain Atom. I also like Rorschach.
• Favorite Musical Acts: Bands that almost never get flipped past during random rotation include Tool, Flogging Molly, Gogol Bordello, Joe Strummer and ABBA.
• Television Shows: Simpsons, South Park, Doctor Who, Monty Python, Venture Brothers and The Prisoner
• Last Movie Seen in a Theater: WALL-E
• Favorite Actor in the Role of President: Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks and Ronald Lacey in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
• First Movie Memory: Star Wars with that fabulous scrolling opening text and powerful music followed by the little ship being pursued by the big ship. That's politics for you.

Fucking Paris Hilton

That is meant as a general expletive and not to indicate any kind of activity.

A majority of the blogs to which I subscribe have now mentioned the Paris Hilton for President video. Some friends I've got. Traitors!



Need I remind you all that Paris Hilton is not old enough to run for President? In other words it is just a joke. She is not a serious candidate with serious intentions of running nor could she legally take office even if she ran a successful write in campaign.

So get your ass back in the Jake camp and worship at the feet of your future lord and master elected representative!

Drugs Rule!

Last night at work I was wondering about a co-worker who always wears a Grateful Dead necklace. How the hell does I guy like that get hired in a place with random drug testing? Because, I reasoned, nobody can stand listening to that shit unless they're high. One would think that Grateful Dead paraphernalia would count as an automatic drug test fail with no urine sample needed. (Not that I endorse such discrimination. Just saying...)

Synchronicity of synchronicities, what should I find in my news box today but this!

The 5 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High

Any dreadlocked white guys finding this article after Googling 'Drugs Rule' should know that we've given this list about drugs a rule. To make the cut, an accomplishment has to be considered great by people who could pass a field sobriety test. So no Grateful Dead music. We're sure someone somewhere has enjoyed the Dead perfectly sober, just as there are probably non-Christians who listen to Christian Rock. But we're just as sure that in the grand scheme of things, those people don't count.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one.

The list is good, too. It includes 2 acid heads, 2 coke fiends, a shroomer, and this gem...

There's plenty of controversy surrounding certain parts of the Bible, (where are the dinosaurs?), but most can agree that the Ten Commandments make some good points: killing is wrong, stealing is wrong, and weekends are for sleeping.

Space Power!

Harvesting solar power in space and beaming it back to Earth to fuel our energy needs? I'm for it. Somebody has to build and service those panels out there in space. Space is where I want to be. If I have to build solar panels to get there, then I will build the best damn solar panels anyone has ever laid eyes on.

I turned off the sound because I had Tool playing and it beat the hell out of the included music.