Spot On

Once again, my favorite fake news source gets things exactly spot on.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion

'The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we've come as a nation,' said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. 'Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we've reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.'

'Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,' Williams continued. 'And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.'

Said Williams, 'The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.'

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

As a racist conservative prick of a co-worker said, "I'll give him a year or two in office before I pass judgement."

We've come a long way, baby.