Platform

Just a reminder that yes, I am still running for President and yes, I do have a platform.

Essentially I share a platform with the Guns and Dope Party. Here it is...


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1. guns for those who want them, no guns forced on those who don't want them (pacfists, Quakers etc.)
2. drugs for those who want them, no drugs forced on those who don't want them (Christian Scientists etc.)
3. an end to Tsarism and a return to constitutional democracy
4. equal rights for ostriches.

Like the Guns and Dope Party I also support Lysander Spooner's voluntary tax plan. If you want to help the government build roads, then by all means send the government some money to build roads. If you want the government to provide health care, then by all means send some money to the government to provide health care. But I am not a member of the Guns and Dope Party, I am the founder of the Anarcho-American Party. As such I believe you also have the option of going out and patching some roads and practicing medicine in your spare time thus eliminating the government middle man if you so choose.

What is the Anarcho-American Party? It is something like a bachelor party in Vegas but with more sex and booze. What does it stand for? Because when it sits down the room starts to spin.

On conservative days I support the abolition of the extremely unconstitutional Federal Reserve and on wilder days I want to ban all forms of money (except sex which can be used to buy just about anything).

I am pro-Abortion but accept the fact that some people actually want their kids.

More surfing, less water boarding. And people should only have their lips sewn shut and cheeks pierced with wire if they are really into that scene.

I LOVE the USA. Most people could use a hell of a lot more of it. And it should be taught in schools, during sex education classes, which really need more lab time.

All factories to be taken from the bosses and given to the workers who will immediately give themselves unlimited sick time and start calling in sick every day until they figure out that there is nobody there to answer the call and we are out of products to buy so maybe they could build something useful when not fucking and getting high.

I support stem cell research. Especially if it uses stem cells from aborted fetuses.

I want to be the first President with an orbital presidential library inside an orbital garden called the Mt. Vernon Aero-ponics Garden. We can name this space station New Amsterdam (since New York isn't using it anymore).

Some days I support gay marriage. Other days I support group marriage. I may even be convinced to support inter-species relationships. Often I think it would be easier to abolish marriage.

I have an extremely liberal interpretation of the second amendment. I am the founder of the National Sword Association. They can have my claymore when they pry it from my cold, dead hand. I support our right to keep and bear arms of all types. I also believe in Americans' right to keep and arm bears.

That about covers it. Oh, did I mention I'm pro-Abortion?