Television can make your kid retarded. I mean,
TV Really Might Cause Autism.
Today, Cornell University researchers are reporting what appears to be a statistically significant relationship between autism rates and television watching by children under the age of 3.
Thus explaining why Americans love to wave flags while chanting political slogans. But then they go and spoil my fun.
If television viewing by toddlers is a factor in autism, the parents of afflicted children should not reproach themselves, as there was no warning of this risk. Now there is: The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends against any TV for children under the age of 2. Waldman thinks that until more is known about what triggers autism, families with children under the age of 3 should get them away from the television and keep them away.
Bah! No warning? Elderly kooks were warning you young whipper snappers since before the TV was invented. Even I knew that TV made kids into sissy drones. Who was ever beat up by the kid with his own TV and cable box? Did the kid with the highest score on Super Mario Brothers front the math or debate teams? Saying nobody knew about this is like claiming nobody knew they would get fat eating at McDonalds all the time. Of course there is an obvious flaw in the whole study. Only stupid parents would shove their kids in front of the TV for long periods at such a young age. So it might just be genetic.
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