A & The

Confusing the uses of "a" and "the" has caused so much harm to the psyches of our youth, and psyche is the most important attribute. Or is it a most important attribute? Ask Rolfe. He'll give you a straight answer, but probably not the straight answer.

Father: You can be anything you want to be when you grow up.
Son: Even President?
Father: Even President.

Very true. While anyone can become a president, only a few crafty bastards with connections can become The President. Want to be president? Start your own business and give yourself that title. Or you can just declare the elections false and name yourself as President. Most people won't recognize your position as authentic, so you'll just be a president, not The President.

I'm a pope. If you know me, you're probably a pope, too, since I try to pope my friends. But most people will never accept you as The Pope. Don't feel too bad. The dress code for The Pope is far more restrictive than for a pope.

For millions of people, Jesus is The Savior. I am my own redeemer. I am a savior. It will stay that way unless millions of people start viewing me as their salvation. Please don't do that. I like the job of prophet a lot better. Any Muslim will tell you I am not The Prophet.

I have seen The Five Foot Beaver. In saying that, I forsake all other five foot beavers as somehow false. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Yet people are more than happy to have The President, The Pope, and The Savior. Personally I put a lot more faith in The Five Foot Beaver. May you infidels who have not witnessed its awesomeness be washed away when the rivers flood. Thus sayeth The Prophet!