A Fresh Start

After 16 years I've heard it all.

This weekend I got all my hair shaved off. The original plan involved shaving the sides and cutting back the mohawk to a very short length. We did that. Upon doing so we discovered that over the course of the two years since my last full shave, my hawk had drifted about an eighth of an inch to the right. Time to shave it all off, hit the reset button, start from scratch, and re-center.

So everyone at work needed to comment on it. Trouble is, I've heard all the lines before. So now I beat them to it. Attacked by the lawn mower. Clearing out the lice. Hanging with the white supremacists. My favorite description to tell people is still, "I needed to hit the reset button."

In a month I'll have the mohawk back. My hair grows fast.

Why the mohawk? Why do I continue to go back to the same hairstyle time and time again? It has become a part of who I am. I look fantastic with a fully shaved head. Far easier to maintain as well. But the hawk is still the hair style of a rebel. Shaved hair, long hair, mullet, mop top, pompadour, even dreads can be an acceptable male hair style. Maybe some day the mohawk will achieve that status. I doubt it. The hairstyle is naturally aggressive. It demands attention. Over half my life now I've had it, except for when I have to hit the reset button.

Learn more about mohawks!

More Doom!

An addition after some sleep.

My own pet preference views this exponential information increase as 'the end of time'. Ants view the world in an extremely 2 dimensional manner despite existing 3 dimensionally within it. Humans barely exist 3 dimensionally. Concepts of movement within the third dimension seem limited to the aerospace industry, computer animators, and people living and working in tall buildings in major metropolitan areas. Even when people look at a globe they tend to see 2 dimensional surface wrapped around a sphere.

But what if travel through time ceased to be a mathematical ray, a linear thing with only one direction of travel? Everyone seems fairly comfortable with the concept of time travel turning that ray into a line traversable to the beginnings and end of time. It gets far weirder than that. A little research into string theory and we can theoretically expand 'time' past the planar stage right into the spatial phase. After all, time and space are inter-related to the point that you cannot talk about one without invoking the other. We have space/time.

I often think back to when I realized that I was looking at the gravity models with the wrong head. Science teachers will try to explain it to you by using a funnel and rolling a ball bearing down the funnel. You watch it spiral down down down until it disappears. But again, that is a 2 dimensional explanation of a 3 (or more) dimensional phenomenon. When my head clicked and I could finally visualize that gravity funnel expanding into the 3rd dimension, my eyes glazed over. To really see it happening would probably require a third eye.

Damn, got my head spinning again. Space/Time expanding hyperdimensionally. Oi!

DOOM!!!

The Jehovah's Witness guy stopped by to talk to me again. I don't mind his visits. Some part of me enjoys listening to this other perspective, getting insight into how others view the world and the place of religion within it.

He handed me a pamphlet that asked the question, 'Are Disasters Getting Worse?' After talking to him for a while I went and did some research.

Disasters are not getting worse or more frequent. What we do have is an increase in the amount and speed of information relating to disasters. We also have an increase in concentrated population. When New Orleans got hit last year the concentrated population of that area made its impact more apparent. Inflation has also played a major role in making disasters seem worse. We see estimated repairs to an area in the billions. This has very little to do with actual damage done and a whole lot to do with the value of the dollar. A home built for $10,000 or less will now need replacing to the tune of $500,000 or more. Disasters cost more now.

But what about the 2012 Theory? Many individuals use the supposed end of the Mayan calendar as a harbinger of some sort of planetary Doom's Day. To me, this seems unlikely. On the other hand, many researchers have used different indicators that point to a similar phenomenon. Some sort of exponential increase is occurring and it will come to some sort of head this century. What kind of indicators tell us this? They all center around the notion of novelty and progress. Some people look at computer processing power. Others look at medical advancement. Still others monitor patent applications for unique devices. While December 21st, 2012 may not be the actual date of the hyper leap when we experience information doubling several times per second, the signs of such an event approaching are clear and multifaceted.

But what really remains to be seen is what we DO with it. If the past is any indicator, the new kinds of porn available will make Debbie Does Dallas look like Steamboat Willie.

True American Patriots

You know the dealer, the dealer is a man
With the love grass in his hand
Oh but the pusher is a monster
Good God, he's not a natural man
The dealer for a nickel
Lord, will sell you lots of sweet dreams
Ah, but the pusher ruin your body
Lord, he'll leave your, he'll leave your mind to scream

The Pusher - Steppenwolf

With that I say all hail the true American Patriots! All hail the drug dealers. They are independent, entrepreneurial, and have figured out a way to make money without having to pay income tax or business tax or even pay import tariffs. They are a cantankerous bunch of rebels willing to snub unjust laws to make an honest living producing and selling goods people want. If you look at the careers of folks like Samuel Adams and George Washington, I think they'd be proud.

The Independent Economy

Some of my friends work in the computer industry creating different types of software from applications to games. Is it important that when searching for these types of products that I choose ones made by their respective employers? Of course not. Each of them gets paid a set sum regardless of my individual buying habits. In the same vein, if you want to buy saw chain, I can tell you that the company I work for makes a good product. The paycheck I bring home at the end of the week looks the same regardless. Your support of the company represents a drop in the bucket that adds to the company's financial stability and therefor makes my emplyment a bit more secure. Not a huge deal, though.

On the other hand, people like my friends Joanna Wylde, The Unholy, and Fluffers Union get money every time you purchase one of their products. It has a direct impact on their financial well being. Supporting such endeavors is paramount in the struggle for individual freedom. That does not mean you should buy their shit just for the sake of supporting them. It means that when you want something like what they have to offer, you should go directly for their stuff.

It's like my groceries. I buy all I can from the family veggie stand a few blocks away. It puts money into a family's hands instead of adding to the bottom line as figured back at corporate HQ.

Anarchism

Anarchy kept creeping into my thoughts at work. So I made notes on my breaks.

Government and religion are both modes of escaping responsibility.

Government and religion are both modes of escaping rationality.

If you strive for self determination then all laws are an affront to your freedom. While anarchy cannot guaranty any kind of safety, those who value freedom can accept no less. To compromise in any way is to subjugate yourself.

If you're an anarchist, read this. I found it quite unexpectedly after jotting down all of these thoughts at work. Synchronicity is what Jung called it.

If you're not an anarchist, read this. Okay, anarchists can read it too cuz it's just so damn twisted.

My Calling

Older women like me. Gay or straight, any nationality, regardless of income, women 5 to 55 years older than myself tend to really like me.

I guess I should have been a tennis instructor.

Cute

I answered a maintenance call for packaging today and went back to that department to see what was up. One of the weekend crew was doing some overtime and needed her table loop join table fixed. Pretty standard stuff, really.

But she was so darn cute. This petite young girl by the name of Mai dressed in Gwen Stefani fashion with black jogging pants, pink tank top, and a ripped up black sweat shirt bearing in gothic letters the words 'Tough as Nails'. You just wanted to pat her on the head and say in a voice similar to that you would use with a puppy, "I bet you are tough as nails, aren't you? Yes you are."

Just as Important

"How can we prove there is life on a distant planet when we have problems seeing if there is life on Mars?"
Dr Martin Dominik, University of St Andrews

"How can we prove there isn't life on a distant planet when we have problems seeing if there isn't life on Mars?"
Rev Dr Jacob Roth, Universe of Ours

Too Obvious?

The Sex And So Much More Show is an upscale consumer trade show that showcases everything and anything to do with sex, sensuality, romance, and self-improvement.

This stimulating show is exciting and alluring to an affluent, liberal minded audience.

I bet the businesses represented at the show find affluent liberals exciting and alluring... as clients anyway.

Disney buying Pixar for $7.4 billion

Disney will buy Pixar in an all stock transaction that makes (Steve) Jobs Disney's largest shareholder. Jobs will also join Disney's board.

Well… uh… hmm… uh… I guess… yeah.

Like a School Girl at the Mall

OMG! I am like so out of my element. While eating lunch I browsed FASHION news. Talk about totally switching mindsets. Even scarier, I somehow connected with it. I could actually understand the root program behind the people who care about this. Like I read this article on how upscale shoe departments organize their two story stock rooms in order to make certain you walk out with a pair of shoes. If there was a place that did that with men's boots, I would go there all the time and spend way too much money. So I can understand the shoe thing and how amazing it must have been for the fashion editor who got a tour of the place. I could totally tour the Red Wing factory.



And just check out these shots from the latest collection by John Galiano for Dior. Goth is Haute this season! The undead look is very appropriate for fashion models. Photos via Reuters. Don't think for a second that I am making fun of all this and being sarcastic. For once I mean it. This is a natural fit. I may be a rough Harley riding, machine wrenching kind of guy but my pinky goes up when I drink my tea. This collection rocks!



Time for this manly man to go fix machines and make saw chain in my absolutely fabulous knee high Red Wings and my 70's retro chic Harley t-shirt. I'd throw on one of my over-sized crosses, but it might get stuck in a machine. Ciao.

WTF!

I won't go into details. These things never sound as strange and wicked as they actually were.

My dream last night was under an artistic compilation of H. R. Giger, Tim Burton, and Alex Grey. Sound cool? Does having the tails of flat worms sticking out of a welded together cracked skull while they feed off of synaptic response sound cool?

Nightmares no longer frighten me, but they can still disturb the hell out of me.

So to Speak

I saw the headline US 'outsourced' torture to other countries: probe.

I didn't bother to read the article to see if there were any other jokes included.

Essential Elements

Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.

When writing a scene, if it doesn't contain at least one of these elements, it's an utter drag. If it contains one or more of these elements, I can't stop myself from writing.

NSFW: Extreme Sports and Extreme Sex

EDIT: Apparently this is misinformation but it is entertaining misinformation so I'll leave it up for entertainment purposes. Misinformation is not always a bad thing.

I had grown a bit tired of the same old news stories day in and day out. You try different sources but you just get different spin. Even science news gets inundated with 'political ramifications'. I wanted a NEW perspective.

So I went out and found an Adult Industry news feed to add to my Google Homepage. Not that I really care about Kim Chambers' birthday party or a new club opening in LA. I just wanted to see what the news feed would be like over time. And I will try to remember to put the NSFW (Not Safe For Work) in titles that contain links to porn sites. Aren't I a peach?

So today I found out that Adam & Eve Stars Sign at ASR Trade Show.

Alarik Skarstrom, President of Blend Marketing, a full service entertainment consulting & marketing company, helped put this deal together. "Upon walking into the AVN Expo in Las Vegas with Bob Christian, I was blown away with how many people were dressed in extreme sports apparel. I made one phone call to Rich Marshall, head of new business development at The Kayo Corp., and we were able to make this happen. Adam and Eve is known as the best company in the adult world. We feel that extreme sports and extreme sex go together extremely well, and look forward to showcasing this in 2006. Most importantly, we know that this clothing line, and its partners involved, are here to promote safe sex."

I understand it, but if I actually READ it, it's all gibberish. It doesn't actually say anything.

Beyond that, this is an excellent example of the mainstreaming of the adult industry. Before the internet porn revolution, adult entertainment was a weak industry. I remember walking into an adult book store in downtown Minneapolis. You could scour the shelves and find maybe a magazine or two with some sub-culture type people in it. Things have really changed. For one thing, almost all of the small adult industry photo publishers have shut down their print operations and gone strictly to electronic delivery. Most content still centers on that 'just turned 18 big boobed blonde'. The American dream. But the freaky people are no longer cut out of the scene. There's sites like Gothic Sluts, Barely Evil, Suicide Girls, and even Rob Rotten's Punx Productions just to name a few of the more dominant ones.

The Adam & Eve story underlines a trend. It's not the sick deviates who drive the porn industry. Regular folks LIKE porn and are fueling the growth of that industry. So much so that an extreme sports corporation has been bold enough to use actual porn stars for promoting purposes. Ten years ago that would have spelled disaster. Now it hardly seems like a risk at all. Adult entertainment has become so popular that this year they will be holding The First U.S. Mobile Adult Content Congress. Dare I say that it is certainly a growth industry? (I had to get one bad joke in there.)

And for those in denial about their love of porn, there's always The Starr Report.

Excrutiating Pain

Thanks to my non-running mate for the heads up on this political announcement.

The Impaler is running for governor of Minnesota and even plans to register for a presidential bid.

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

I almost agree with him here. If people want capitol punishment, make it horrid and painful and public. I think the concept of 'humane' executions has done more to keep the death penalty around than anything. Could you stomach the public execution of a man by evisceration if you had even a shred of doubt about his guilt?

And I personally know terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers, and people who have preyed on the elderly who I don't think deserve impalement. Many are fine folks who have made some bad choices at one time or another.

So I will reiterate a point I try to make often. Every law ever written, every code of conduct ever imposed, every rule of man and god, I have found an exception to. I have found someone for whom that supposed absolute does not stick. That breaks the absolute, rendering it null and void.

There is no Law anywhere!

My Place

I've been messing around with Google Earth now that they have made it available for Mac.

For those of you who will never come visit me, this is where I live. It's a lot nicer in person. The trees aren't nearly as flat.

More Toolbox Stuff

Because I just can't stop.

My new toolbox arrived Monday afternoon a few hours before I had to go to work. It was better than expected. It came with all of the ordinance foam rubber, two strips glued into place in the floor of the box, two on the lid, and four other pieces loose. I dremeled in slots for my wrenches in one of the glued in floor strips, packed all my tools in the box, and took it to work.

My supervisor told me to slide another guy's box down the bench behind the big vice. He laughed about it and looked to see if there was any way to move the vice back another inch to make the guys bottom drawer virtually inaccessible. They love messing with each other like that.

The machinists were all admiring my box and marveling at what one could get for just $15. And the brown paint nearly matches the high priced Kennedy boxes they all use.

Oh, and the box also came with a half burnt range plastic dial range finder for the original 81mm cannon shells. I'm keeping that.

Epiphany

After reading a comment I had a brilliant idea.

Campaign Promise of the Day: If elected, I will let my wife run things.

I'll do all the public appearance and mouth piece crap and she can be my Dick Cheney only young and beautiful and sleeping with me. She's not old enough to legally hold the office so this is an obvious ploy to set the stage for her imminent arrival.

Nobody can accuse me of crooked, underhanded politics. I make all my whacked out schemes known from the get-go.

In other news...

When it rains it pours, or so they say. Seems Africa has just installed its first female President.

As for the image, you should also check this out.

Evolved?

Aren't we just racing towards human equality on this planet? We're living in the freakin' 21st century and we can still get major news coverage about Chile's first female President. You'd think that trick would be old hat by now. But it's even bigger news because she is South America's first democratically elected woman.

While we here in the United States can puff our chests out proudly to proclaim that we once elected a President who was Catholic! Once. I mean, let's not go nuts all at once, right?

Don't take this as support for a possible Clinton run. I was thinking more along the lines of Queen Latifah. Hey! She's already Queen. Problem solved. What am I bitchin' about?

Internal Conflict

I don't understand it myself. I hate Hummers, but something about this behemoth makes me smile. Like I said, I don't understand it.

Toilet Tolerance

Some women at work complained about other women 'squatting' or standing on the toilet seat to use the facilities. Leave it to Jake to explain the cultural differences that lead to this behavior.

We have a lot of Asian immigrants working at our factory. The most popular kind of toilet in Asia (and in many other parts of the world) has the individual squatting over it while facing the plumbing. If you find this method of personal waste disposal hard to wrap your head around, you have obviously never roughed it in the woods.

Try to imagine growing up with this style of toilet where one's body never comes into contact with any of the actual device. Now imagine the horror of someone explaining that you should now place your buttocks ON the device while SITTING! Civilized? Why, we're all a bunch of unsanitary, unnatural monsters.

It's akin to explaining how you should place a thin piece of tissue paper in your hand and wipe your bum to an individual who has grown up around bidets. Disgusting!

But is he circumsized?

Scientists at Berkley have discovered that the constellation of Orion has a wang.

"You can think of this structure as a giant, magnetic Slinky wrapped around a long, finger-like interstellar cloud," said Timothy Robishaw.

I bet he's a hit with all the ladies.

Knock Knock

Just awoke from a dream where I was talking with a priest with white hair and beard and wearing a brown robe. He read through my theories on the Chaos Magick of the Teflon Discordians and glanced through the Discordian Coloring Book. He was delighted with the works. He then turned to look deeply into my eyes, peering over the tops of his silver rimmed glasses, and said with a very serious tone of voice, "You need to work towards a degree in religion."

Running Away

Two days straight of working with an extremely runny nose and that bad cold body ache with head fog. Tuesday I figured it would pass. It didn't and I spent all day grabbing paper towels and shop rags. So I came prepared for Wednesday. I learned a trick from my grandfather; hankies. They are soft on the nose and at the end of the day you just leave them in your pocket to do with the laundry. Half way through my shift the over-sized Harley bandana I was using as a snot rag was soaked with the liquid drippings from my nasal passages. But with a hankie, you've always got room for more. So I kept using it. Three-quarters of the way through the shift the dampness of the hankie started to seep through my pocket. Just keep on blowing. So now I've got a filthy hankie and a wet pocket and my nose still runs.

Thus this turns into a mild rant on blue laws. I could really use a bottle of whiskey right now. Scotch, Irish, Windsor, hell even bourbon would do. Instead I have to settle for a big old glass of gin and juice. The vitamin C will do me good, but from my past experiences, whiskey is my cure for the common cold. But bars (smokey) close at 2:30am, the same time I get off of work. Liquor stores close at 9:00pm. Criminal! I have to suffer this cold for another night because some puritans don't agree with my methods of self-medication. And I can't use marijuana to deal with the bodyaches even though I live in a so-called medical marijuana state. It would require me to get a doctor's recommendation, which they won't give for a cold. I would then need to pay an outrageous fee to register as a medical marijuana user. But the sale of it is still illegal, so I couldn't buy any from a legitimate source, just black market. And all of that is moot because being a medical marijuana patient in no way exempts you from work place drug tests, and my employer, like most manufacturing jobs, has a drug testing policy. What kind of backwards, reactionary world do we live in when a man can't medicate himself in the way he sees fit? Like abortion, it is MY choice.

I've heard it often said that dope fiends never get sick. They get the heroin high, and then the subsequent crash, but never actually ill. If true, I would think employers would want to hire more heroin addicts. Nobody calling in sick!

But in the foggy haze of the sinus cold, I had a very important revelation. There was a machine that I worked on that could run just fine as long as the operator was away, like on break or getting mop water or some-such. I ran off several hundred feet of good chain this way. But then she would return and it would go to hell again. Mind you, I was still operating the machine. It was just her presence. She's a nice gal, but today was not a good day for her and the machines. I watched over and over as she would draw near and the machine would start to malfunction. As she left, it got better. Thus I got to have a practical application of one of the main truths of quantum physics. There is no separating the observer from the event. By observing, we become a participant. I try to remember this when I read the news. It helps. But this kind of first hand demonstration really hit it home. Of course folk wisdom was on top of this long before. A watched pot never boils.

My nose is still very runny, but at least it resulted in practical wisdom.

Business Sense

As near as I can tell, management tends to think thusly;

You can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a new electronic timecard system, send every supervisor and lead to a training class to operate it, and give them all these super huge 666 page manuals to cover all the information they've forgotten from the training session and this is more 'cost effective' than hiring one more person for payroll so we can stick with the extremely flexible and user friendly 'pen on a paper timecard' method.

All hail the computer revolution! Making our lives complicated through the promise of simplicity for over 50 years.

Rain

I know I live in Portland. I know it rains a lot here. But we usually just get a consistent drizzle. Instead we've been getting RAIN! Real droplets of water falling from the sky. Lots of it, too.

Sex as Power Struggle

If we, as a society, removed all sexual taboos as the out-dated modes of thinking they are, things like this couldn't happen.

Television evangelist Jerry Falwell couldn’t resist bragging and finally admitting the truth: he and former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu did conspire—at a critical time—to trip up President Bill Clinton and specifically use the pressure of the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal to force Clinton to abandon pressure on Israel to withdraw from the occupied West Bank.

Happy Birthday Mr. Hofmann

The inventor of LSD-25, Albert Hofmann turns 100 on Wednesday. I took a World Religions course in college. A very introductory course barely scratching the surface of the topic. One week was devoted to chemicals in religious practice. We talked about soma, peyote, mushrooms, even the wine and bread of the Eucharist. The middle aged professor, a short, mild mannered, and constantly smiling Presbyterian minister, told the class that he had taken LSD in the mid-1960's before it became a schedule one substance. He sincerely wished that there was some way he could arrange for a similar experience for everyone, but alas, it was now illegal to do so.

I wouldn't recommend trying to purchase the drug off of dealers, either. Most likely what you get will not actually be LSD. If you're lucky you'll get some mixture involving amphetamines and X. The less fortunate will get a concoction heavy on the PCP like the legendary 'brown acid' of Woodstock fame. Of course you could always make your own LSD to celebrate Hofmann's centennial. It would still be illegal, of course.

Layout

While playing around with ideas for a book on Chaos Magick, I hit a wall. Not the kind you typically will run into if you miss the door, but a metaphor for an obstacle.

To accomplish my goal I need InDesign or Quark or something similar.

Luckily the old handy dandy word processor works fine. I can continue work on my second 'novel' for the time being.

What is so Sacred About the Rule of Law?

I have stated many times in real life, on my blogs, and even through a fictional character in Black Whole Son, that everyone I know is a law breaker. Outlaws, each and everyone. Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed we have a very strange outlaw culture.

Word of the Day

A diktat is not what it looks like but can be just as painful.

Time for Another

I started work on another book. Actually, I've got three projects going side by side. But the one I just started should be of interest to those who enjoyed Black Whole Son.

For those who want an hint: Zero Gravity Sex Magick.

Redemption Song

Her Supreme Badassness has redeemed herself. She came home from work and thoroughly cleaned and oiled her secret weapon far beyond what I had done. The Revolution may proceed as planned.

Gonnes

The guy I work maintenance with loves guns. So I come to find out his father-in-law is a gun dealer. We talked for a while and I came home this weekend, pulled out my old shotguns, and wrote down some model numbers. I'm trying to complete my set of Western Field shotguns. In the process I learned three very important things.

Lesson the First: My wife's grandparents and my own bought really cheap shotguns. My Western Fields were manufactured for Montgomery Wards. Her shotgun was manufactured and bears the stamp of the old hardware chain, Coast-to-Coast. These shotguns hold about the same esteem in the shotgun world as Safeway Select Cola holds in the soda world. Decent, reliable, good enough for plugging pidgeons or chasing off vandals.

Lesson the Second: We have two renowned and desirable weapons in our collection. I've got a Mossberg 500, arguably the best pump action 12 gauge in the world. My wife has something so wicked and cool y'all don't even deserve to hear about it. I love my Mossberg but her secret weapon is ten times cooler. I'm going to buy a small box of ammo for it. It has never been fired, but a box of ammo in the safe wouldn't be a bad idea, right?

Final Lesson: When she says she'll get around to cleaning and taking care of her collection, it won't be soon enough. My old guns are in extremely stable condition and I only oil them twice a year. Seeing mine next to the others, I broke down and oiled them all up. Guess what, love? You are off the revolutionary committee until you can prove you will follow this part of the pirate code: That Man that shall not keep his Arms clean, fit for an Engagement, or neglect his Business, shall be cut off from his Share, and suffer such other Punishment as the Captain and the Company shall think fit.

The times they are a-changin'

Can someone please explain to me the differences between an insurgent, a rebel, a subversive, and a revolutionary? Because just about everyone I know considers themselves at least one of the last three.

Jesus: Legacy or Legend?

Italian Court to Decide Whether Jesus Lived

Atheist accuses priest of conning the public with story of Christ.

And how would such a trial begin? "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you GOD?"

Are You Hyper?

How long until we can blast off into the hyper-dimensions?

Tools

I've got several tools here at home that I want to take into work. I've held off on doing this until I've got a tool box at work to put them in. Right now I've got an old drawer I share with another guy.

But in just two days of work I could have used over half of what I've got waiting. Instead I had to raid other people's tool boxes for the stuff I've needed. Thank goodness for people who don't lock their chests.

Tools

As I expand my tool supply for work, I have discovered the need for a work tool box. The el-cheapo models from Craftsman meant for home use and unable to withstand the rigors of factory life still cost $75 and up. If you want the nice, solid professional strength models they want you to spend $200 and up. Move over to higher end box manufacturers like Kennedy and the price just keeps jumping.

To get an affordable tool box I chose to 'think outside the box' as they say. My new tool box is on the way. It costs $15 plus $23 for shipping. It sports a fully customizable 25x13x7 interior, sealing lid, and solid construction meant to withstand a battlefield. Larger and sturdier than what most of the guys have at a fifth of the price.

The Cause of and Solution to All of Life's Problems!

All those loaves and fishes when they really needed some wine.

The Curse

Upon returning to work we found posted on the bulletin board the daily minimum footage for 2006 per machine. The numbers made me laugh. When I ran those machines and constantly outperformed all of the other grinder operators, I would have made their new MINIMUM footage requirements 15-20% of the time. I considered those my good days.

Under the new minimums the management scrawled the words, "No Exceptions!" What tact. What grace. A management model that has proven effective and desirable throughout history, especially in cultures that approved of slavery. I kept picturing Veruca Salt in that menacing pre-tantrum tension.

The result of such efforts around the plant seem so predictable. Production nose-dived. Machines broke good and hard instead of the more usual quick fix problems. On top of that the leads, under heavy 'threats' from management, try to run all the machines through breaks using maintenance to cover machines. Hmm, ten hour day, an hour worth of breaks, and an hour covering someone else's breaks. So if we always have enough problems to keep us busy when we normally spend 9 hours fixing machines, how much compounding of problems occurs when we can only spend 8 hours doing our job?

All of this only really hits the new folks at work. Anyone who has been around that place for at least a year knows the skinny. Just smile and do your job the way you always have. No pony for the princess.

It's Great to be Me

In less than a week I'll be married to a hot college freshman. I feel an odd kinship with Wooderson.

Give Me the Code!

My love and I spent several hours trying to redo her blog so she could have three columns. We thought we finally got it and she went to bed satisfied.

I rechecked it and found that it had some major issues with clicking on links and comments within the blog body. I then proceeded to spend about three more hours fixing it. The end result? I got it to do what she wanted it to do in the first place. Success!

If I had tried to do something similar for myself I would have dinked around for an hour, decided that much work wasn't worth it, and reverted to the old site. But love does strange things to the head.

Go and check out the new and improved Wicked Wanderings!

Stating the Obvious

A U.S. study has found that teens exposed to alcohol ads are more likely to drink.

Of course it does! Advertising exists to get people to buy shit. If you really needed it, you'd go to the store and get it, go to the woods and hunt it, or go to your neighbor's and steal it. For everything else, we have advertising. Go inside any marketing firm and you will hear the language of war. These people want territory in the form of market share. Like in any war, ammunition cannot just be shot at the participants.

Advertisement resistant humans are an emerging strain. Only those with the mutation will survive the market wars.

For Your Information

I have embarked on the process of recreating the universe in my own image. Please accept my sincere apologies for any glitches in your personal life. Within a couple of aeons I should have it all sorted out.

The Inner Psychopath

Breathe in. Breathe out. Release. Let go. Slip away.

A torso full of arms floats by. There it is. It'’s a torso with many arms. Between the arms are vaginas. The hands at the ends of the arms are busy fingering the many vaginas. A giant ball of ecstasy. I expect it to seem hideous, but instead I find it beautiful. It is pleasure. I can find nothing more beautiful than that.

The heads. All the heads. The heads all open up to reveal color, sky, ideas hidden beneath the grey surface. Peeling away like potatoes or tubes pumping information in and out. Quiet contemplation as the inside works away taking us farther further. Do these heads all belong to me? It seems so. Heads. So many of them. How do so many heads fit inside of mine? But yet they exist simultaneously like some quantum demonstration. One reveals itself when I try to take a measure. Depending on how I measure a different head reveals itself.

Out pops the eye. Only one. That one eye through which we can truly see. Aye I eye. Just the eye. The filter through which we experience. But the one eye sees all if it sees at all.

Small wonder if I see who knew. Over the hillside to the damned bank of despair. Hoorah to who saw the path. Out with it. Four and twenty resting on the hillside. They'’re just baking doughnuts.

Oh cull toward forming. I spy with my little eye the guy in the sky. Rest rewards for the weary.

It'’s the stag! Spirit guide me through the other of the aethyr either or. Father I have found thee! Take me down the path. Send me on my way.

Is it all BS or do you just not understand?

Maybe. Maybe.