Propped Up Economy

In this video Democratic Congressman Paul Kanjorski of Pennsylvania tells us...

"The Treasury opened its window to help. They pumped a $105 billion dollars into the system and quickly realized that they could not stem the tide. We were having an electronic run on the banks. They decided to close the operation, close down the money accounts, and announce a guarantee of $250,000 per account so there wouldn't be further panic ... If they had not done that their estimation was that by two o'clock that afternoon, $5.5 trillion dollars would have been drawn out of the money market system of the United States, would have collapsed the entire economy of the United States, and within 24 hours the world economy would have collapsed."

"It would have been the end of our economic system and our political system as we know it."

Call me a cynic, but that last line reads like, "We spent tax payer money to save our own asses."



He speaks of events back in September. Remember back in September? We still had that crime family holding office. Many conspiracy theorists were predicting an event that would lead to a declaration of martial law thus sticking us with, BLEAH! Don't even want to say.

Did they actually try to pull off a double heist that day?

For those who want a positive in this, those people who pulled all that money on that day technically still have it, will need to do something with it, and once they have finished crying over their failed plan might decide to go back to a life of limited riches and control (poor things).

Call that hot cash injection by the government the most expensive condom to date.

How to Not Fail at Life - NSFW?

Successful Potheads

Keeping the meme going...

Yet more proof that pot will make you a lethargic do nothing couch potato whose highest aspirations consist of turning everything they see into a bong.

The 10 Most Successful Potheads on the Planet… Cool Enough to Admit It

Where these stereotypes originated remains a mystery to us. In reality, they couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only have 42% of Americans admitted to trying pot, but pot smokers have gone on to become some of the most successful people in our society. We’re not talking about Willie Nelson and Snoop. These guys are on the Forbes 500, they’re leading the free world, and they prove that all existing pothead stereotypes are nothing more than myths.

I've condensed the list here without all the dope on why these people break the stereotype of the lazy stoned out hippie.

• Sir Richard Branson
• Rick Steves
• Aaron Sorkin
• Michael Phelps
• Barack Obama
• Michael Bloomberg
• Ted Turner
• Montel Williams
• Stephen King
• Arnold Schwarzenegger

Carl Sagan missed making the list because he has spent the last 12 years doing nothing.

I personally attribute my not smoking pot to being content with a factory job and having the most cynical Presidential bid of the 21st century.

NSFW: Glow Sticks For All

Signs of hope for a saner drug policy. Not in the United States of course.

Ecstasy 'no more dangerous than horse riding' - Telegraph

Writing in an academic journal, Professor David Nutt said taking ecstasy was no worse than the risks of 'equasy', a term he invented to describe people's addiction to horse-riding.

Why does this guy have to be named Prof Nutt? He is chairman of the Home Office's Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs and an academic at Bristol University and Imperial College, London writing for this statement for a peer reviewed journal. The guy has got the creds. But that name! Can people really get over a name like Prof Nut?

Hopefully they can because he's got something important to say.

In the article, titled "Equasy: An overlooked addiction with implications for the current debate on drug harms", Prof Nutt wrote that "equasy", short for "Equine Addiction Syndrome", had caused 10 deaths and more than 100 road traffic accidents a year.

Through hunting, it also led to "gatherings of users that often are associated with these groups engaging in violent conduct.

"Dependence, as defined by the need to continue to use, has been accepted by the courts in divorce settlements," he wrote. "Based on these harms, it seems likely that the ACMD would recommend control under the MDAct perhaps as a class A drug given it appears more harmful than ecstasy."

I would add that ecstasy has never demanded constant attention, grooming, vet bills, feed, and exercise even when not in use. Ecstasy has never kicked me, trampled my foot, or tried to knock me off by rushing the nearest low hanging limb, nor have I ever had to clean up its shit. It does not require a trailer but like a horse, may come with its own.

Britain's struggling glow stick industry may see brighter days ahead.

* Naked girls on either are fine by me.

Zombie Attack in Washington

Obama's team of zombies

The anecdote highlights how, regardless of election hoopla, Washington is the same one-party town it always has been -- controlled not by Democrats or Republicans, but by Kleptocrats (i.e., thieves). Their ties to money make them the undead zombies in the slash-and-burn horror flick that is American politics: No matter how many times their discredited theologies are stabbed, torched and shot down by verifiable failure, their careers cannot be killed. Somehow, these political immortals are allowed to mindlessly lunge forward, never answering to rivals -- even if that rival is the president himself.

Pot Lies Exposed

Anyone else remember the old McGruff "Take a Bite Out of Crime" ad campaigns? There was one where a bunch of kids sang about how users are losers and losers are users, so don't do drugs.

Turns out that was a lie.

Swimmer Phelps regrets pot pipe

Swimming superstar Michael Phelps has admitted to 'regrettable behaviour', after a UK newspaper published a photo of him apparently smoking cannabis.

So surfing superstar Kelly Slater wins his ninth world title and gets showered with champagne in public for all to see. Phelps wins eight Olympic gold medals, takes a hit off a bong at a college party and has to issue a public apology. Maybe if he had won nine gold medals...

But users are losers. McGruff told me so. Phelps couldn't have won all those gold medals. Either that or McGruff is a propaganda device used to further state control of our lives through complacent acceptance of irrational prohibition.

Bill Hicks on Letterman Tonight!

No, that's not a joke. Apparently TV audiences are finally ready for something recorded fifteen fucking years ago.

1993 censored Bill Hicks segment from the ‘Late Show’ to be broadcast on Letterman this Friday, January 30

This is what I think CBS, the producers of the Letterman show, the networks and governments fear the most - that one man free, expressing his own thoughts and point of view, might somehow inspire others to think for themselves and listen to that voice of reason inside them, and then perhaps, one by one we will awaken from this dream of lies and illusions that the world, the governments and their propaganda arm, the mainstream media, feeds us continuously over 52 channels, 24 hours a day.

What I realised was that they don't want the people to be awake. The elite ruling class wants us asleep so we'll remain a docile, apathetic herd of passive consumers and non-participants in the true agendas of our governments, which is to keep us separate and present an image of a world filled with unresolvable problems, that they, and only they, might somewhere, in the never-arriving future, may be able to solve. Just stay asleep, America. Keep watching television. Keep paying attention to the infinite witnesses of illusion we provide you over 'Lucifer's Dream Box'.

I have never before in my life had the thought, "I should watch Letterman tonight."

For those who don't know, Bill Hicks wrote much of my political platform posthumously.

Depression 2.0

Best quote yet on the current financial crisis.

How bad is the crisis going to get?

But it is to easy to single out the bankers - a banker said.

That made me laugh. A lot.

I Still Hate War

During my weekly telephone conversation with my dad I mentioned to him that so far I was fairly impressed with the direction Obama was taking things. Both of my parents are staunch Democrats and active in the party. He asked me, "Wishing you would have voted for him now?"

"Not at all. There are still too many things I don't like about the man."

This is one of them.

Barack Obama, meet Lyndon Johnson

On Friday, President Barack Obama ordered an Air Force drone to bomb two separate Pakistani villages, killing what Pakistani officials said were 22 individuals, including between four and seven foreign fighters. Many of Obama's initiatives in his first few days in office -- preparing to depart Iraq, ending torture and closing Guantanamo -- were aimed at signaling a sharp turn away from Bush administration policies. In contrast, the headline about the strike in Waziristan could as easily have appeared in December with 'President Bush' substituted for 'President Obama.' Pundits are already worrying that Obama may be falling into the Lyndon Johnson Vietnam trap, of escalating a predecessor's halfhearted war into a major quagmire. What does Obama's first military operation tell us about his administration's priorities?

During the Democratic primaries he talked and talked about ending the war in Iraq. Once he had seized the nomination he started talking about escalating the war in Afghanistan. First week in office and he goes and blows up what may or may not have been legitimate targets inside a country we aren't even at war with (yet).

As any responsible gun owner can tell you, knowing when not to use your weapon is just as important as knowing how to use it. He may not be hawkish, but he is definitely not a man of peace.

That attack was straight out of Bill Clinton's play book. Very disturbing.

The First Week

President Obama has put me at ease, at least a little bit. In his first few days he has gone through and done enough to show that he intends to not be the total shit bag that our last President was.

Let's start with one of my favorite issues.

Obama lifts ban on abortion funds

President Barack Obama has lifted a US funding ban for groups providing abortion services abroad, reversing a policy of his predecessor, George Bush.

The policy known as the 'global gag rule' had stopped US government money going to groups which perform or provide information about abortion.

Hurray! Dead babies! And not the kind that are left in piles due to illegal wars but the sort who were unplanned for and unwanted from the get-go. Yay!

Moving on, he has taken an important first step in changing the 'War on Terror' by ending the methods of terror used by the Bush junta.

The power of the pen

On Day 2 of his administration, President Obama reverses key Bush "war on terror" policies, signing orders that end torture, close the CIA's black sites and phase out Guantanamo.

Rather than handing out goodies to his close friends, he has frozen White House salaries.

Not Bush's White House anymore

The memo for the salary freeze (which will apply to about 100 White House aides making more than $100,000 a year) said that in "a period of severe economic stress," the move is "a signal of our shared commitment to restoring the country's economic vitality." "Families are tightening their belts, and so should Washington," Obama said at a ceremony where he signed the orders and greeted the staff.

He still has the toughest bit ahead of him. People expect him to 'fix' the economy.

Obama pushes recovery plan, lifts Bush funding ban

U.S. President Barack Obama launched a drive on Friday to get his $825 billion economic recovery plan through Congress, predicting lawmakers would resolve differences before a mid-February deadline.

"We are experiencing an unprecedented economic crisis that has to be dealt with and dealt with rapidly," Obama told reporters as he met Democratic and Republican congressional leaders at the White House.

There is little a President can do to get an economy back on track unless he wants to resort to a more Socialist agenda. That probably wouldn't go over too well in the good old U.S. of A. Then again, the time might be ripe for people sick of 'free market' shenanigans that left the working taxpayers hit way too hard because of the actions of private business. We'll have to wait and see.

Now, can Obama rise to the challenge of hearing the voices of Americans and do something meaningful for millions who supported him? Can he make one small step towards ending the war on (some) drugs?

5 million strong to petition Obama to legalize weed

That would be a truly bold movement towards real change.

Obama Promising to Ruin American Way of Life

More Change!

Only a few more days until we get some much needed change.

Obama sells out to Wall Street | Salon

After President Bush this week asked Congress to release the bank bailout fund's remaining $350 billion, Obama pledged to veto any bill rejecting the request, meaning he is beginning his presidency not by 'turn[ing] the page on policies that have put the greed and irresponsibility of Wall Street before the hard work and sacrifice of folks on Main Street,' as he once pledged. Instead, he is promising a mushroom cloud unless lawmakers let taxpayer cash continue flowing to the biggest of Big Money interests.

Woot! Change!

Pravda Means Truth

So lovely.

Yes George, you served your master well - Pravda.Ru

Now George it is over. Your Faustian deal gave you eight years of illegal and undeserved power.

And did you make the most of it! You stole elections without hesitation, you lied without compunction, you started illegal wars without any consideration for international law, you shredded the Constitution without any respect for the check-and-balance system, you opened up concentration camps without any concern for the rule of law, and you maimed, tortured, and murdered without any regard for fundamental human rights.

You fiddled while New Orleans floundered, while your cronies in the oil industry drove prices through the roof, while war profiteers ruthlessly plundered Iraq, and while the economy suffered its worst decline in decades.

Yes George, you served your master well.

And he served you. The suffering you inflicted upon others never touched you—aside from a pair of poorly aimed shoes. You were never impeached, prosecuted or even censured as a war criminal. And the fact that you intend—as you stated in your final press briefing—to spend your days lounging on the beach, when you should be spending them in a prison cell, adds just another name to the historical list of evildoers who have been rewarded for their crimes.

More could be said, but why?

Sanctimonious Hypocritical Preaching by the Imperials

I loved the title of the article so much I just had to keep it as the title of the post.

Sanctimonious hypocritical preaching by the imperials - Pravda.Ru

Between extremely complicated election laws, requiring armies of lawyers, double standards for the major parties to the exclusion of third parties, dirty tricks, intimidation, and a media hell bent on serving the power politic and not the people, the system makes sure that reelection rates to the US Congress stay at or above a 95% rate. Most senators die or retire, the only way to clear them from their seats. But what a job, 4 months of actual work, high perks, the ability to be bribed at will (both branches of the One Party system feed from the hands of pretty much the same special interests), tax payer paid retirement and pensions after one stint, and many many other benefits. This on top of the right to vote in your own 10% yearly raise, while most of their constituents have not seen a raise above 3% in 20 years.

Lovely. Because truth, even when it is the ugly, garish truth, is lovely.

And there is nothing quite like calling a spade a spade even if it may seem like the pot calling the kettle black and any number of other old bits of folk wisdom that may fit the bill.

I've been asked more than a few times, mostly at work, why foreigners hate Americans so much. I tell them it is because they, much like ourselves, identify the people of this country with the government that is the public face of the country. That, and we as Americans tend to act like a bunch of spoiled rich kids. We cry about how hard we work for so little when our so little is a hell of a lot. Do we deserve more? Damn straight we do! And so does everyone else on this planet. But let's face it, we let an asshole get away with a rampant killing and torture spree while wrapping ourselves in the American flag. It was right and good of us to do all this because we are Americans!

We don't hold a monopoly on democracy. Our system of democracy is old. Really old. There has to be quite a bit of room for improvement. And when we go stomping around the globe with no regard for the people we crush under foot along the way, we are spitting on the ideals the nation was founded upon. Except for the fact that the our democracy was originally set up by a bunch of rich, white, land owning business men with the idea of creating a veil of opportunity while progressing their own agendas unfettered. That part of the American Dream® is still going strong.

Polls Are Open!

To the left is a poll about the podcast. I know I had initially said that I would bring it back in the new year. I've been having second thoughts about it. To settle the matter, I've opened it up to the public. Just like a real election, you must pick one of the preselected options or else you are just throwing your vote away.

But feel free to voice opinions as comments to this post. I vain enough to read them all.

Arab/Israeli Relations: The Mother of All Clusterfucks

There will be no linking to news stories for this one. There doesn't need to be. Nothing is being said that hasn't been said a (insert implausibly large number here) times.

I don't envy Obama on this one. The economy may go up and down but ever since the forming of Islam it has been at odds with everyone else and that goes at least double for the Jews. And while there is a lot of hatred for the Jews, the Arab nations seem to hate Israel specifically even more than Jews in general. And why not? The Palestinians had their hands full trying to throw off the shackles of Britain's imperialism. Then they had to go and add religion to the already volatile mixture. Out with the Queen, in with Moses. Oi!

Is it apparent that my sympathies tend to lie with the Israelis? I'd like to say otherwise, but it wouldn't be true. The Israelis are up against an enemy that will never back down until the entire state of Israel is wiped off the face of all maps everywhere and not a single Jew is left standing on Middle Eastern soil. Not a whole lot of room for negotiation there.

I truly believe that the average Israeli and Palestinian would have very little trouble living side by side if it weren't for a few trouble makers always stirring the pot (and they stir it with rockets and grenades, no less). If the average American can put aside one of the most deep seeded bigotries this nation suffers from in order to vote for a black President, anything is possible. The trouble makers just need to grow up. Stop acting like little children shouting over who was where first, who threw the first stone, just agree to let the whole conflict end and be friends.

There isn't a bookie around who would take that bet.

People want answers. They want solutions and they want them now! Fine...

• Give both sides a bunch of nuclear missiles. They'll either learn to live in a cold war atmosphere or blow each other off the maps. Problem solved.
• Give the Jews Baja Mexico. The Palestinians are way too snobbish about their locale to accept such a trade off. The Jews have shown themselves to be quite pragmatic when push comes to shove. And they did wonders with Israel. They'd turn Baja into a shining gem in no time. The Mexicans living there can either get paid a fair price for their property or choose to stay. I would bet that Jews and Mexicans could live side by side in harmony especially if it meant being able to snub the Palestinians' poor hospitality.
• Exterminate all Muslims. It is a terrible idea but it would end the conflict. I won't even suggest the opposite. Islam is a religion that tries to convert people even by force if they can. Having grown up in such a religion, Christianity, the idea of zealous conversion both frightens and disgusts me. The Jews don't actively proselytize or seek conversions. If one of the two has to go to end this thing, it won't be the Jews. They also write better comedies.

Those are my ideas. Move them to opposite sides of the globe, let them nuke it out, or eliminate the more patently aggressive party.

Or they could just grow up and learn how to get along.

Late News

OBAMA SURFS? Why didn't somebody tell me this before the election?

Sign of Progress

I hate drug testing. I have always hated drug testing. My personal opinion is that drug testing is a violation of basic civil rights because it assumes guilt and requires us to prove our innocence. In most work places refusing a drug test has the same or worse consequences as failing one.

Massachusetts may have done away with this problem.

Pot law could snuff out testing policy

A voter-approved law reducing possession of small amounts of marijuana to a civil offense threatens to unravel drug testing of police and other public employees, the Herald has learned.

The law, which goes into effect Jan. 2, prohibits government agencies and authorities from enforcing any punishment for pot possession with a fine greater than $100, according to the Massachusetts Police Chiefs Association, and defines possession so broadly as to include traces of pot in blood to urine to hair and fingernails.

Berkshire District Attorney David Capeless predicted the new law has far-reaching consequences for even school bus drivers and MBTA train operators, who could point to the law and say they can only be fined, not fired, for marijuana offenses.

You are supposed to panic now. They tried really hard to get you to panic so the least you could do is pretend.

OH NOES! Now we have to fire people for not doing their job instead of busting them for going home and slouching on a couch with a bag of chips and a copy of Pineapple Express. I'm terrified.

And it gets worse.

New pot rules may allow having hashish

Massachusetts police may no longer be able to arrest people for having a small amount of hashish, because a new law that decriminalizes possessing up to an ounce of marijuana could apply to other drugs with the same psychoactive ingredient, according to guidelines issued today.

New Flash! Hash contains the same active ingredient as marijuana because it is made from marijuana. In other news, heroin has the same active ingredient as opium because it is made from opium. Should a minor be treated differently for possession of vodka versus possession of beer? But why would a minor want vodka or beer when they could have pot or hash?

Stillman also said teens may gravitate toward pot because the penalty for having an ounce or less is far less than the penalty for having alcohol.

So the law even benefits minors. $100 fine and it is treated like a parking ticket with no permanent record.

Of course law enforcement bitches about it making their job harder. From what I have gathered, law enforcement thinks the easiest way to perform their job is to make everyone into a criminal so they can arrest everybody. Buck up, little boy blue. Do what the rest of the American work force is doing and stop caring. A little pot might help.

A tip of the hat to Massachusetts for passing a sufficiently vague and far reaching law that is a step in the right direction. But can they keep it?

Custom

Taking my first day of vacation to revamp the campaign blog. It is time for the 2012 look. Simpler, cleaner, easier to read. Added a separate player further down the side column for the Black Whole Son audio book. Curl up by the fire and listen to all 5 hours in one sitting. You've done worse things to waste your life away.

Keep on fisting.

Benny, Me, and Homosexualtiy

I agree with Pope Benedict which is why I disagree with him. Since we are both Popes, the conflict was inevitable.

Pope urges defence of heterosexuality

Speaking in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration, Benedict said yesterday the church viewed the distinction between men and women as central to human nature, and 'asks that this order, set down by creation, be respected'.

The church, he said, 'should protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man was needed, he said,' adding: 'The tropical forests do deserve our protection; but man, as a creature, does not deserve any less.'

Benedict focused his attack on what he described as 'gender' theories, 'which lead towards the definitive emancipation of man from creation and the creator'.

I agree with Benny that the environment could do with a little protection. Sometimes in order to protect an ecology, you have to do a little thinning of the herd. What better way to thin out the environmentally destructive human race than to encourage homosexuality? So I also disagree with him.

And I agree that research into the root causes of gender identity, gender theories, gender selection, or whatever other scientific research into gender he might have been talking about could lead to the emancipation of man from the creator. Scientific exploration that liberates us from captivity by superstitions is a good thing. I don't think Benny agrees with me on that.

Both Benny and I are popes and entitled to our own comprehensions of the world.

Spectacles, Testicles, Brandy, Cigar, and now you, dear reader, are a Pope as well. As such you are as entitled to your own world view as Benny is to his.

What Would Jello Do?

Jello Biafra believes in democracy. If I were the sort of person who thought that representative democracy could not only be saved but was worth saving, I'd probably agree with most of what he has to say in...

Jello Biafra - Open Letter to Barack Obama

As important as it is to find common ground and build consensus for change, our situation is so dire we cannot afford any more dealmakers. The people voted for a leader. Anything less risks breaking the hearts of an entire galvanized generation who may then decide it is not worth it to get involved and participate any more.
(emphasis mine)

I do not agree with some of the ideas he espouses and I do not share his fondness for democracy and elections. He had very interesting and novel solutions, which is something I do like about him.

And the last sentence of the above quote, I agree with that 100%. Difference being, I believe with a fair level of certainty that governments are incapable of doing anything but break people's hearts (and backs, and budgets, and fingers, and skulls, etc). Especially given enough time. Like an entire afternoon.

Still, I think my readers will find that the former lead singer of the Dead Kennedys has a much saner voice than my own. I don't care much for sanity.

NSFW: Requiem for a Goddess

Obituary.

Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

More so than Marilyn Monroe or Jane Mansfield, Bettie Page was a goddess. Her image will transcend the ages. Her form will forever stand as a testament to human beauty regardless of what is currently in fashion. In her death, she will live forever.

Jake on Prop 8

This year's elections may be over and (most) races already decided, but that doesn't stop me. There is an issue out there that seems to be confusing people. It is only confusing because people are dead set on ignoring the First Amendment. What is that one again?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Separation of Church and State! This whole business concerning the legality of gay marriages is quite simple once you get religion out of the picture.

Churches are free to do as they please concerning marriage. If a given church wishes to restrict marriage to one man and one woman it is their prerogative to do so. If sects like the Mormons and Islam want to allow men to have more than one wife, no problem.

So what business does government have in affairs of matrimony? Business, indeed. A legal marriage is a merger between individuals that gives the power to make decisions concerning the shared assets of those involved in the merger. They also share in the liabilities. If the merger ends prematurely (before 'death do us part') it is a court of law, not a religious authority, that oversees the disbursement of assets and liabilities.

From a legal vantage point that assumes the First Amendment says exactly what it says and that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, a legal marriage is a business contract for households. The business of running the household is conducted as a joint venture following agreed upon guidelines such as any laid out in a prenup.

Since it is a specialized business contract, the number and gender of the parties is irrelevant. To declare otherwise is contrary to laws guaranteeing that government agencies can not discriminate based on gender (among many other wonderful things). If two men wish to merge households the government is not granted the power to deny them a contract. If three women desire to merge households the same is true. If three women and two men wanted to form a merger I see no reason why it should be denied.

If two men, three women and a goat wished to marry, it would be denied because the goat is not a legal citizen with protected rights. That is where we need to be focusing our energy.

Equal Rights for Goats!

I did not run this by my lawyer prior to posting so I could be wrong. When elected you'll find out just how right I was.

Trust

Citing the overwhelming success of United States currency since the decision to print the words "In God We Trust" on it, the Department of Homeland Security has decided to expand that trust to national defense.

Anti-terror law requires God be acknowledged

Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, 'The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.'

Don't panic. Unless you live in Kentucky because that is where the law is in effect. So if you live in Kentucky, go ahead and panic. If you live elsewhere, just worry a lot.

If this were China and our predominant religion were Budhism, I could at least fathom placing the job of Homeland security in the hands of temples full of monks trained in Kung Fu and Tai Chi. American churches are best known for their sex scandals. Unless Kentucky plans on being attacked by a group of nude little boys I don't see how God, or at least his representatives here on Earth, is going to help them much.

Black Whole Son Continues

So the book is longer than anticipated. I shall continue reading until it is done.

I ran into a snag yesterday. Apparently the recording software I'm using has a limit of about 33 minutes. It can't record past that. So I saved the last part of the chapter from yesterday to record as a separate chapter today. Another six minutes. Guess I got on a roll when I was writing that one. Good thing I had a fairly natural breaking point to divide it up.

For both of my listeners out there, you may have noticed a slight schedule change to the podcast. While on graveyard I would podcast after work and you would have a new episode by noon. Working swing I would record before work and usually have it up by 1PM. Switching to days the best time to record is after work. It has now become an evening podcast. And often times my wife is home while I am recording. This makes me a little self conscious. Hopefully it doesn't spoil the work at all.

PSA: Contraception

I thought people knew this, but apparently not everyone does. Let's go over this so as to make it nice and sparkling clear.

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Sorry, big word there for anyone who might think pulling out actually is contraception. Let's try that again.

Pulling out is NOT birth control.

She can still get pregnant even if you are an expert at pulling out. It isn't even a little effective. Yes, I've read the statistics that say otherwise and am choosing to ignore them. I don't care if they say it can be up to 96% effective. Do you know what the prereqs for that number are? It means you can't have ejaculated in the last 24 hours or else you'll have a bunch of sperm in your pre-ejaculate. Can you go that long without masturbating? Really?!

It also means you can only fuck once every 24 hours. Can you live with that kind of restriction? Really?!

Pulling out is NOT birth control. It is great for porn stars, anal, and creaming some gal's tits so you can watch her girlfriend lick it all up, but not as contraception.

Got that? Want to see it one more time?

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Will the Fetus be Aborted?

The election may be over, but I am still dedicated to the core values of my campaign. And nothing was more core nor set me apart from the competition quite like my stance on abortion.

So when a friend told me she was considering getting one, I was honest. It started with me telling her that she was talking to the one person who was actually pro-abortion. Next, I encouraged her by telling her about armadillos.

While armadillos are not unique in the animal kingdom for having this ability, they do make a great case study. Some species can prolong how long before the egg attaches to the uterine wall. Very important for any species facing tough times ahead. It can also abort if conditions are not right.

Humans use their intelligence to make them the reproductive equals of the armadillo.

And thanks to her I got a song stuck in my head.

Thanks for the Holiday Bonus

Are you happy right now? Feeling a bit of that holiday spirit? Want to see it all disappear in a fit of rage?

AIG Pulls Fast One -- "Cash Awards" Going To Managers

American International Group Inc., the insurer that said yesterday it scrapped bonuses for top executives after a U.S. bailout, will still pay 130 managers 'cash awards' to stay with the firm, including $3 million to retirement services chief Jay Wintrob.


Wintrob, 51, will get the 'retention' payment in two installments, the first in April 2009 and the rest a year later, New York-based AIG said today in a regulatory filing. The firm previously disclosed the program in a Sept. 26 filing and said today that Wintrob and Chief Financial Officer David Herzog elected to get the payments four months later than planned.

Aw, the pig fuckers don't get a holiday bonus. The one ham slammer has to wait until April for the first installment and a year before he gets the full $3 million.

If I knew that in one year's time I had $3 mil coming my way, I think I'd feel okay 'floating' a few holiday gifts to friends. Instead I feel like somebody did that thing in the above illustration and they went through the bother of keeping it in the freezer for a couple of days.

Getting the Speech

I finally got to hear the corporate America anti-union speech. And yes, the CEO pulled us all off of the factory floor for 45 minutes to tell it to us. Actually, it was only a small piece of a much larger presentation, but it was still exciting.

He told us how unions destroy every industry they touch and the only reason the big 3 auto makers need a bailout right now is because the unions have bled them dry and that unions were unable to survive outside of the auto industry and its support industries. Because it would be obvious to everyone that the meat packers union is to blame for there being no meat at the grocery stores and that the unions at the breweries have destroyed the profitability of American beer. Not to mention what the sex worker's union has done to this country.

I'm anti-union also. Unions have a hierarchical structure. I'd much rather gather up the suits by the dumpsters, shoot them, and then don't replace them with any leaders. But its real hard to organize people to do that. They find out that it would still be classified as murder (instead of liberation or emancipation) and sour on the idea. Oh, they talk big, but they've got no action.

What really shocked me about the anti-union speech at work? It was clear the CEO truly believed what he said. He wasn't trying to force feed propaganda and lies but just sharing his view point. Of course he was dead wrong and the researchable facts are against him. But facts have never gotten in the way of a strong Belief System.

His speech made me feel a bit Wobbly.

Epic Race to the Finish

Because not everyone reads both...

I have completed the National Novel Writing Month Challenge for 2008! There is still a lot to be done. Story lines are nowhere near complete. Some back story and character development is in order. I still plan on trying to merge stories with Rolfe to see what we get. That will require lots of rewriting.

Wednesday was an epic writing day. I had been cruising along at about 1,700 words per day through most of the month. I had yesterday off and banged out the last 7,000+ words in one day. I said, "You're down to 3k, save it for tommorrow." Then it was 2k and I figured I should quit and save it for a new day. Then it was 1k and figured I should at least take some time off of it and do something else for a while. Then I hit 500 and there was nothing in the world that was going to stop me. I can write 500 words any time, any where.

And NaNo had made me feel pretty damn good about myself. During the month of November I managed to not only complete a 50,000 word story but podcast 5 times a week, reasonably kept up 2 blogs, installed a dvd drive on the PC, patched 2 copies of WoW, leveled one of my WoW characters, kept up with my homework, taught my two peers how to calculate non-standard thread forms, kept up my full time job and still managed to get out and play pool at the pub and take in the fire strippers at Devil's Point.

My life is so freakin' awesome!

Change of a Woman's Place

Change!

Are we back to the old conventional wisdom that only women can be secretaries?

Get over it, Clinton haters

For a broad array of editorialists, pundits and kibitzers, as well as anybody else still obsessed with old resentments against the Clintons, the weeks since Election Day have inflicted a profound sensation of cognitive dissonance, as Barack Obama kept naming the friends and allies of his former rival to run his transition and his government. Now with reports that Hillary Rodham Clinton will indeed be appointed secretary of state, those feelings may even induce a stroke here or there.

I thought it was Sarah Palin that caused strokes.

I wonder if Condi Rice has caused any strokes.

While Michelle Obama may cause a few, Elizabeth Kucinich would have caused more. I'm sure both of them have caused more than Laura Bush. Barbara Bush was the anti-stroke causer.

Different strokes for different folks.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.

Change! So great to see so much change taking place. Like changing back to a time when being a secretary was women's work and it was okay to admit that the secretary may even induce a stroke here or there.

Listening to Yourself

The whole podcast experiment, especially reading my book, has taught me something I had never accepted about myself.

I have a typically Minnesotan voice. Not the rural Scandawhovian ya sure you betcha Fargo accent. I escaped that. I'm talking about the Hüsker Dü, Bob Mould, Violent Femmes, Hold Steady, Terrence McKenna upper mid-west nasal voice. Especially Terrence McKenna. The guy was six foot four, same height as me, but when I watch videos of him speaking he always seems shorter because of that sharp nasal tone to his voice. He was the world's tallest pixie. (Note pixie not Pixie.)

It can be cute, but never sexy. It rivals New York Jews when you want to be an annoying know it all. Of course it is best when put to use in sarcasm and self defacing humor. As though that's original.

I Was Wrong

I often like to be proven wrong. It is a chance to grow and learn. If you are always right, then you already know everything and no longer have to think. Your brain decays and dies. So yet again, I Was Wrong!



You watch that? Go ahead. That is the short video sequence that proved to me I was wrong about Bush.

George W. Bush stands alone. He is an individual. He looks like everybody else, but has set himself apart as a man who goes his own way. That is exactly how the average American likes to think of him/herself.

George W. Bush lacks the confidence to truly stand alone, so he lets other people tell him what to do. That is exactly what the average American does.

When George W. Bush stood to lose to his opponent, he didn't lay down and let things run their course. He went to court to get what he perceived as being his. Your average American does the same thing all the time.

He came into office with a grudge against a man and did everything in his power, including lying and slander, to see that Saddam got what was coming to him. That is exactly what the average American does.

George W. Bush drank and fucked his way through college earning an average grade. An average grade like an average American.

George W. Bush paid for everything on credit. Economic signs were bleak, the cards were maxed out, and he kept right on spending. Just like your average American.

George W. Bush was a true representative of the people. His actions may not have been what they wanted. They may not have agreed with most of his policies. But his methods of operation, totally American. All of this revealed in a few moments of video where he stands alone. Unrecognized. Unwelcome. Just like the average American.

I am not an average American and still hate him even more than I hate Reagan. And I really fucking hate Reagan.

Keeping Busy

My post election lifestyle has been busy. There is NaNoWriMo, of course. I've been keeping fairly well on track with that and finally got a couple thousand words ahead of schedule.

The podcast has been fun and given me a reason to revisit my first book. Today I got done recording and looked at the time marks on the track. Nearly half an hour! The shortest chapter so far was two minutes. Half hour chapter, though. Wow. I guess I really liked that one. It could easily be plucked out of the book and reworked into a short story rejected for publishing by every decent journal in the country. Maybe Penthouse would print it.

And there was the expansion release of World of Warcrack. But no crack until I finish podcasting and writing. Which isn't hard. I guess it isn't that addictive.

Then the homework. It hardly counts as anything. I don't know how they can even pretend to call this a college degree program even if it is just a two year degree. I could have passed this class in middle school. Go back to calling them tech schools and give out certifications instead of degrees. It makes me embarrassed to have a degree when I'm in school with people who couldn't be bothered to complete high school. I feel like I should be doing graduate level work just to wash away this dirty feeling.

After Thanksgiving work is moving me to day shift. I'm not excited about that. Totally ruins my schedule. Right now I wake up when I please, lay in bed, masturbate, and then go about my day. You can't rush masturbation. It's not like I can set my alarm a little earlier to allow for ten to twenty minutes of personal time. Besides, I'd finish and then pass out again. So now I have to wait until lunch. That sucks.

There is still the full time job of not commenting on Obama rumors and giving the lying asshole politician a chance to prove himself first. That one is hard.

If You Love America, You Throw Money In Its Hole!

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

Fast Food, Fast Writing

Went to Burgerville for some lunch today. It's a great NW spot to get fast food that costs more than going to any of the National chains but serves real food grown in the Pacific Northwest.

After eating I noticed signage all over the restaurant. Turns out, Burgerville is doing their part to support NaNoWriMo. They invite writers to come in, enjoy free WiFi, and work on their novels.

And right now that means seasonal pumpkin shakes. So I can sit, write, have a pumpkin shake, and get fat without having to participate in the getting stupid part of fast food. Yay!

Cynical Pig

It's like it's me if I were a short cynical pig.



Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics
But I'm not short.

CHANGE!

You want change? I'll give you change.

Give me a dollar and I'll give you four quarters. Or maybe you'd rather have two quarters, three dimes and four nickels. I could even give you three nickels, six dimes, and a quarter.

Want more change? No problem. In exchange for a fifty spot I'll give you forty singles (show the girls some appreciation) a fiver, ten quarters, three rolls of pennies, and a Sacajawea.

Now that I think about it, if I could get that for every fifty dollars I gave the government, I'd be a very happy man.

It is time for change!

Spot On

Once again, my favorite fake news source gets things exactly spot on.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion

'The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we've come as a nation,' said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. 'Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we've reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.'

'Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,' Williams continued. 'And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.'

Said Williams, 'The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.'

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

As a racist conservative prick of a co-worker said, "I'll give him a year or two in office before I pass judgement."

We've come a long way, baby.

Must... Stop... Commenting...

Not saying a word.

BBC NEWS

Because Obama may turn out to be less red in the practice of his presidency than his words and aspirations would imply.

For example, on that windfall tax (on oil companies) - which much of the Labour Party would love to see imitated here - there's already been a strong hint from Obama's advisers that it's on hold, following the collapse in the oil price.

Nope, not saying anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

History Made

The time has come for me to admit that President elect Obama beat me out. I couldn't even carry my home state or my adopted home state. Not a big surprise. I was trying for the anarchist crowd. Registered voters among the anarchists are hard to find. Even when you find them, trying to convince them that they should vote for someone, anyone, is even harder. After all, it ain't easy maintaining your anarchist street cred. I put my own in jeopardy just to run.

To all of you who were worried that my choice to not turn on my own campaign and vote for the lesser evil was somehow going to spoil the election, I hope you are happy to be wrong. I believed you last time and was wrong. I ignored you this time and was right.

Four years ago I heard the cries of people, upon hearing election results, that the time had come to move to Canada. America was doomed. Tonight, within minutes of hearing the election results while at work, I once again heard people saying the time had come to move to Canada. Obama had won. America was doomed. In both cases these people were right. America is doomed. I see the election of Obama as a minor deceleration of the decay. Like rust on the frame of your old car, you can do all you want to slow the process, but the outcome is inevitable. Thank you Mr. Obama for allowing me a little more time to keep on fisting the rotting corpse of the American dream.

I do feel honored to have been a part of this historic election. Yes, history has been made. The chips were stacked to make it nigh impossible for anything other than a historic evening. But as I pointed out to my parents, in the history of Western civilization, electing someone of African descent to the highest office is far more ground breaking than electing a woman. It is especially more ground breaking than electing a woman to the second highest office. This is a monumental occasion.

My final hope for the evening is that I'm wrong about this guy.

Election Day

Is it over yet? Can I start claiming election fraud and start up my government in exile?

Environmental Policy

Apparently my campaign manager can't remember my environmental policy. Not that it matters much now, but here goes.

A typical presidential campaign has a gigantic carbon footprint. Jet all over the place with your entire entourage to campaign and hold rallies. Canvasers driving from neighborhood to neighborhood. Loads and loads of paper ad campaigns. Energy wasted on e-mails and phone calls. Tons of resources thrown into election day itself. And if you demand a paper ballot, you are once again creating more waste. Electronic voting systems are also horrific with all the hazardous materials used in their manufacture. The voter's guides in Oregon are the size of magazines and mailed to every registered voter. What a waste.

Save the environment. Don't vote.

And burn aborted fetuses for fuel.

Let's Be Sirius

Bloody hell! It's the day before Black Tuesday. How is the campaign doing?

Honestly, I got my ass whooped. Time to start looking ahead to 2012. Or maybe a Portland Mayoral run in 2010. If Extremo the Clown can run, so can I.

I have picked out one area where I utterly failed my campaign. Besides my campaign manager thinking that I was a crackpot and refusing to vote for me. The real problem was in the branding.

I tried to peddle this:



Nobody understands that. A minority will recognize the anarchy sign and even most of them will get confused as hell by the red white and blue 13 star theme. The whole patriotic Anarcho-American thing should have been a reserve graphic. I loved it too much and it was my own damn fault for pushing it.

What I should have been pushing was this:



I thought it was only mildly amusing. I was wrong. This was the one that Joe (with) the Plumber (crack) liked. This was the one the folks at the bars liked. This was the one even the queers liked. Yes, the raised fist, inverted star, that field of blue on the candy cane stripes. Immediately recognizable, familiar, comfortable, no one had to think about it. Then they read the phrase and always burst out laughing at how inappropriate it seemed. Never mind that it stated my intentions quite clearly. Every element was lifted from pop culture. That should have been a sign that it was a winner.

It will definitely take center stage for the 2012 campaign. Until then, keep on fisting the American dream.

Caught Fucking a Pig

Yes, the pig fuckers are still in control. Luckily they don't always get away with the wholesale rape of the swine.

Lies and Audiotape: Morgan Chase Exec Brags Bailout Is for Takeovers, Restructuring, Not Lending

Twenty-five billion dollars is obviously going to help the folks who are struggling more than Chase. What we do think it will help us do, is perhaps be a little bit more active on the acquisition side, or opportunistic side, for some banks who are still struggling. And I would not assume that we are done on the acquisition side, just because of the Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns mergers. I think there are going to be some great opportunities for us to grow in this environment, and I think we have an opportunity to use that $25 billion in that way. And obviously depending on whether recession turns into depression or what happens in the future, you know, we have that as a backstop.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

This Cycle

I saw a Ralph Nader sign in the neighborhood the other day. Remember that guy? His chances peaked in 2000. It was a hell of a good race. He did so well that many Democrats tried to blame him for Bush getting into office. Partially true, I guess. His campaign wasn't quite good enough to win. He wasn't able to inspire enough people to defect. Which resulted in a major backlash. But instead of people returning in droves to the parties of the two lying bastards, they just locked themselves in their homes. Of course now Nader truly is irrelevant. In 2000 there were Nader sign everywhere and people were filling stadiums to attend Nader rallies. Now there is one sign in my neighborhood and I think I saw a YouTube clip at some point.

The Libertarian Party got screwed by Ron Paul. People of that bent got behind the Texas Republican and kind of wandered off aimlessly like a havering Irishman looking for midnight mass in Dubuque.

McCain threw the race. Like a prize fighter, he had to make it look good, put on the show. He grabbed the GOP nomination and then took a dive. He'll stay up nights watching On the Waterfront and sobbing uncontrollably every time Marlon Brando says, "I coulda been a contenda."

Palin's career is now as doomed as Geraldine Ferraro's. Remember Fritz and Tits? I don't remember hearing a thing about her until this year when she pretended to be a racist so Hillary Clinton wouldn't have to. So how long will her preggers daughter and that redneck hockey jock stay together once there is no White House stint? So Sarah can just go back to being a den mother for her litter. She can dedicate her time to personally building up Alaska's own separatist militia.

Obama still scares the shit out of me. Yes, he's the lesser of two evils. But when you're talking about 98% evil versus 93% evil, that's still a hell of a lot of evil going on. He is a sweet talker and his campaign is freakishly reminiscent of Reagan's. Not as far as platform but in style. He is your friend, your best buddy, he is listening to what you are saying and wants to assure you that he is on your side. He has also received more campaign contributions than any other Presidential candidate in history. Don't think for a moment that there aren't some favors owed. He is a politician and knows how the game is played. Candidate of change! I suppose if you change one thing out of a thousand it is still more change than four more years of the same old crap. Hurray for change! The only real positive I see is that he is black. The fact that his ethnicity played any kind of role in this race is proof of just how backwards we are as a nation. I approve of his winning as a step towards getting over the stupid bullshit melanin obsession.

But what really gets me are all these folks trying to tell me what a wonderful, electrifying election year it has been. People breaking through gender and ethnic barriers left and right. I've experienced this as one of the nastiest campaigns so far in my short history. Convention cities setting up full fledged detention camps for protesters. People getting in fist fights over who they support. Party members showing total disrespect for the democratic system they proclaim to love by weeping when a black receives the nomination over a woman. Media black outs of people like Ron Paul. A pro-life Christian moralist with a pregnant teenage daughter. Constant accusations of connections to Islam. Everyone denying our conversion to socialism as they 'interrupt' their campaigns to make it happen. Tabloid gossip political coverage.

The United States is done for. Our political process is a circus full of clowns on fire. The water buckets are filled with kerosene. Watch as they burn and flail for our amusement. And we get to go down in flames right along with them.

Happy voting, citizens.

News With Interest

The Fed has continually cut interest rates in an attempt to stabilize the economy. All that rate cutting lead to more lending and a further destabilized economy. What would be the logical next move?

NPR

The Federal Reserve is expected to cut interest rates Wednesday by at least a half-percentage point to 1 percent. Economists believe the Fed will cut rates because of the current financial turmoil and fears that there might be a prolonged recession...

'And the markets are expecting they'll keep going and cut them further, perhaps' to 0.5 percent, by year's end,

I've got a better idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let's get rid of the Federal Reserve.

And then we can put a ban on lending at interest. When I lend a pal $10, I expect to get $10 back in a reasonable amount of time. I don't expect or want him to pay me $20 back over ten years. I give him the ten spot and say, "I know you're good for it." If I'm wrong, I never lend him money again. I've lent money to countless numbers of people this way and only ever cut off one person.

Too simple?

Blah, Blah , Blah

I missed all the debates, but now I feel like I only missed one of them!

Thanks for sharing, BDJ.

NaNoWriMo

Once again I shall be participating in National Novel Writing Month. It means less blogging for a month. But I will still be podcasting. November will be me reading from my book, Black Whole Son.

New material and free audio book. Lucky you.

Choices

It's coming down to the wire. People want to know, "No. Really Jake. Who would you vote for between Obama and McCain?" They insist there is a very real difference between these two and I need to pick one

What a fantastically relevant question. Here is another fantastically relevant question for you people asking. Who would you rather have molesting your child, the effeminate Catholic Priest or the dirty, hairy biker? You have to admit there are very real differences between the two.

Which would you rather walk across, hot coals or broken glass? Not the same thing at all.

Drowning or lynching?

Okay, that's all a little grim. Maybe you don't see the choices with so much gloom and doom. So would you rather have Coke or Pepsi? No, RC is not an option! Neither is water.

McDonalds or Burger King? Wendys, Arbys, White Castle and all the rest are really irrelevant. Choose one of the two big ones.

Miller or Bud?

WalMart or Target?

Chevy or Ford?

Football or Baseball?

Obama or McCain?

Choose your representative identity!

Pull My Strings

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Bad Bumper Sticker

Spotted on the road to work.

Abortion Causes
Breast Cancer

Just in case you didn't know, it doesn't.

Giving birth to a baby does cause breast parasites.

Let Them Know!

Yesterday a pollster stopped by the house wearing an Obama/Biden button. When asked if we were going to be voting for Obama or McCain in the coming election, I told her this was a Jake household and offered her a button.

She declined.

24 Years Later

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

AWPC: Abortion

I'm still committed to my pro-abortion stance. So we were talking about a co-worker...

Him: Personally I think any father who isn't involved with his kids is a bad father.

Jake: Yeah but in (his) case it is probably a good thing. I'd say, "Sorry kid. Your dad is an idiot and a dead beat and your mom was dumb enough to fuck him. You should have been aborted. Just be thankful that your dad isn't in your life to fuck you up even more."

Him: (laughing) You should have been aborted. You're probably right.

Jake: Hey. I make no bones about my pro-abortion stance.

Bugged?

Is this punishment for titling a podcast "Vote for McCain"? I've added two episodes since then and neither one is feeding. Goddamned Republican conspiracies.

I Approve This Message

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Voter Abstinence

It's supposed to be funny.



"Remember, when you vote for a candidate, you are actually voting for every stance they've ever held."

Michael Savage is a Rapist

From NoSavage.org

Shock jock Michael Savage is a bully. He derides, demeans, and distorts those who don't agree with his hate-filled, right-wing agenda, and when that fails, he files lawsuits. Now, Savage has tried to silence Brave New Films -- this bully has pushed us too far.

Here's what happened: Last Thursday night, YouTube removed over 300 of our videos from their site and disabled our account, including our highly popular Real McCain and FOX Attacks series. They didn't restore the account until Friday afternoon. We were furious to discover that our entire account was disabled over one unjust copyright complaint from Michael Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc., regarding a video we made eight months ago titled "Michael Savage Hates Muslims" -- a video that fell well within the terms of fair use of the material.

Here's what we're doing: On Friday, Brave New Films filed a lawsuit against Savage for his effort to suppress and silence us. Thanks to help from the Stanford Law School's Fair Use Project, we will take the fight right back to Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc.

Here's how free speech works; people can say whatever the hell they want and if you don't agree, then don't listen to it.

Michael Savage date rapes the First Amendment. He takes full liberties with it and then beats it up and locks it in the basement when it does something he doesn't approve of. That's right...

Michael Savage is a Rapist!

Comic Truth

Sinfest has been really hitting it dead on lately. I'll have to find some cabinet post for Tatsuya Ishida.

The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received

Norm Coleman's lackey, Cullen Sheehan, needs to take some acting lessons. Learn how to adlib. You can say the same thing over and over as many times as you like as long as every time you say it sounds a little different. But in this press conference he says the same phrase, "The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received," nine times!



For the record, I post this mostly because I hate Norm Coleman. It is my goal to become a minion of Satan just so that I can be put in charge of Coleman's torture in hell. Actually I want some oversight on the torture of politicians in general, as many Republicans as possible, and specifically Norm Coleman and Ronald Reagan. Bush has no soul.

AWPC

While having lunch at work with a table of middle-age coworkers I received another glowing endorsement.

Woman: I bet Jake could bring down this government at least as fast as these other two clowns.

USA Still #1!

Yesterday in an unusual Columbus Day event, citizens celebrated the fact that despite all of our economic troubles, wire tapping, warrant-less surveillance, an Army unit stationed domestically, elections decided by courts instead of the people, and a national debt currently estimated at $10 trillion (just to name a few things actually known about), we are still the freest nation inside the United States of America.

And no one can ever take that away from us.

Mavericks!

A certain pair of Presidential hopefuls keeps trying to brand themselves as mavericks. I believe I have discovered what they really mean when they say that and yes, it is an apt metaphor.

What kind of Mavericks are they?

May Your Fears Consume You

The United States feared Communism and now is becoming everything we hated and feared about the old Soviet Union.

The United States feared Islamic extremists and now is embodying everything we hated and feared about the Taleban.

The United States feared all these Mexican immigrants illegally crossing the border and now is developing into the kind of nation Mexico used to be... only without enough hot latino food or hot latina babes.

Has anyone considered being deathly afraid of affluence?

GD2

My grandpa always told me the best stories about the depression. He was full of them, too. We'd be sitting around the kitchen table playing dominoes and I'd hear the same ones several times but then he'd throw a new one my way. I'm sure he had more in him that went with him from this world.

There were stories of having to forgo sleeping in an abandoned warehouse for fear that the giant, hungry rats would decide to have a go at the living. Sympathetic rail yard workers who would tell them which trains to catch and which ones to avoid. Pissing in half a tin of chewing tobacco just so everyone would stop asking for a pinch. Amazing stories of survival and a few of tragic death.

I don't fear another Great Depression. Remember the glory years of the Clinton administration and how everyone felt like they were getting rich? My grandpa said those years were even worse than the Great Depression. I can only imagine what he'd think of our current situation.

Maybe I don't fear because I don't have that far to fall. Sure, I've got plenty to lose. I just don't have nearly as much to lose as most Americans. Kick me out on the street and I've got a tent. Take my tent and I've got a tarp. I can wash dishes, walk beans, detassle corn, build stuff from wood and metal, brew beer, grow vegetables, kill small animals, and take a punch. I've got everything I need to survive another Great Depression.

And never forget my great uncle's secret to long life and happiness. He was also a survivor of the Great Depression who lost a fortune by virtue of having it in a bank. He lived to be a smiling 105 so I think the man knew a little something about long life and happiness. His secret for good times and bad?

Whiskey all night and polka 'til dawn!