Arab/Israeli Relations: The Mother of All Clusterfucks

There will be no linking to news stories for this one. There doesn't need to be. Nothing is being said that hasn't been said a (insert implausibly large number here) times.

I don't envy Obama on this one. The economy may go up and down but ever since the forming of Islam it has been at odds with everyone else and that goes at least double for the Jews. And while there is a lot of hatred for the Jews, the Arab nations seem to hate Israel specifically even more than Jews in general. And why not? The Palestinians had their hands full trying to throw off the shackles of Britain's imperialism. Then they had to go and add religion to the already volatile mixture. Out with the Queen, in with Moses. Oi!

Is it apparent that my sympathies tend to lie with the Israelis? I'd like to say otherwise, but it wouldn't be true. The Israelis are up against an enemy that will never back down until the entire state of Israel is wiped off the face of all maps everywhere and not a single Jew is left standing on Middle Eastern soil. Not a whole lot of room for negotiation there.

I truly believe that the average Israeli and Palestinian would have very little trouble living side by side if it weren't for a few trouble makers always stirring the pot (and they stir it with rockets and grenades, no less). If the average American can put aside one of the most deep seeded bigotries this nation suffers from in order to vote for a black President, anything is possible. The trouble makers just need to grow up. Stop acting like little children shouting over who was where first, who threw the first stone, just agree to let the whole conflict end and be friends.

There isn't a bookie around who would take that bet.

People want answers. They want solutions and they want them now! Fine...

• Give both sides a bunch of nuclear missiles. They'll either learn to live in a cold war atmosphere or blow each other off the maps. Problem solved.
• Give the Jews Baja Mexico. The Palestinians are way too snobbish about their locale to accept such a trade off. The Jews have shown themselves to be quite pragmatic when push comes to shove. And they did wonders with Israel. They'd turn Baja into a shining gem in no time. The Mexicans living there can either get paid a fair price for their property or choose to stay. I would bet that Jews and Mexicans could live side by side in harmony especially if it meant being able to snub the Palestinians' poor hospitality.
• Exterminate all Muslims. It is a terrible idea but it would end the conflict. I won't even suggest the opposite. Islam is a religion that tries to convert people even by force if they can. Having grown up in such a religion, Christianity, the idea of zealous conversion both frightens and disgusts me. The Jews don't actively proselytize or seek conversions. If one of the two has to go to end this thing, it won't be the Jews. They also write better comedies.

Those are my ideas. Move them to opposite sides of the globe, let them nuke it out, or eliminate the more patently aggressive party.

Or they could just grow up and learn how to get along.