No More Politics As Usual

They call it a representative democracy. What bullshit. Every one of those fuckers wear suits almost every day. I don't even own a suit. Not a single one of them has a facial piercing or a mohawk. This is all superficial stuff. When it comes to issues things get even worse.

So I'm here to let people know I am prepared to be your representative at the highest level. Because there is one thing we all do that no other candidate will admit to. Like you, I masturbate. Sometimes 2-3 times a week, sometimes 2-3 times an hour. I have not heard a single word about the masturbatory habits of McCain, Clinton or Obama.

Why should this be so important to voters? Because when I masturbate I know I am in charge. No need to go around blowing shit up to prove it because that morning I jerked myself to climax. Not the Saudis, the oil companies, the banks, or the pharmaceutical companies. I did it myself. Some country trying to bust my balls over a trade agreement? I can bust a nut on my own, thanks.

Why is there no other candidate talking about this? It seems far too important to trust to someone else's hand.