The Next Great American Pigfucker

In 2008 most voters will choose between Douche Baggery and Ass Hattery and will get both. Currently Giuliani is tops with those most likely to vote Republican, Democrats are leaning heavily towards Clinton, and Jake is number one with those not intending to vote.

The Douche Bags and Ass Hats are working hard with just over one tiny little (leap) year to go before the American voters choose which brand of bullshit best represents them. What have we got going on?

To start with, the ever so important Christian Right Wing Nuts are threatening to defect if Giuliani is nominated by the R's. Apparently they are hard R's and will not tolerate any of that lazy rolling R bullshit.

But the largest single voting bloc in the GOP is not ready for the coronation of a pro-choice candidate like Giuliani. A group of key Christian conservative leaders voted at a Sept. 29 meeting in Salt Lake City to consider supporting a socially conservative third-party candidate if Giuliani is the Republican nominee; the same group will meet in Washington on Saturday for further discussion of the third-party option. Conservative anger is real, at least for now. As longtime conservative activist Richard Viguerie, who was at the first meeting, told Salon, 'If Giuliani is the nominee, it will be the end of the Republican Party. There's no way that conservatives are going to continue to play the role of mistress, and here's a man who's wrong on every single social issue.' Viguerie predicts disaster for a Giuliani candidacy. 'In a two-way race, I think he'd be hard-pressed to get 40 percent of the vote. In a three-way race, he won't come close.'

A Rasmussen poll conducted in early October seemed to confirm that a third-party conservative challenger would be devastating to the GOP.

That would be glorious news for Dems, would it not? Are we sure? I remember a Minnesota gubernatorial race where Skip Humphrey thought he was playing a dirty and underhanded trick on Republicans by inviting third party candidate Jesse Ventura to compete in debates. The idea was that Ventura, who ran as a Reform Party (later renamed the Independence Party of Minnesota) candidate, would steal votes from Republican Norm Coleman and help to insure a Democratic win. The end result was Jesse 'The Governor' Ventura beating annoyed conservative Norm Coleman while Skip Humphrey sat around his election night headquarters looking like a beagle with an invisible boot swiftly and repeatedly lodged in the posterior. In shame he committed suicide and became President of AARP.

But people seem to think that a Guiliani nomination is doomed regardless. Supposedly women will defect from the GOP to vote for Hillary. Something about desperate suburban soccer moms only marrying men for money and semen donation purposes and secretly all being lesbians looking for a dominant mother figure they can lust after and up until now having to settle for a bunch of Republican pussies that act like spoiled little princesses.

"I don't think the Republicans have any real outstanding stars in terms of their candidates and I don't think the Republicans even think they have that. You poll most Republicans, most Republicans are dissatisfied with their choices. You know there is a real question whether Rudy [Giuliani] will end up splitting the Republican party and creating a third party.... I don't think he is fundamentally different from any of the other candidates out there."

[Thursday morning Danny Diaz, a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, sent reporters this response: "The Republican Party looks forward to competing against any of the Democrat candidates, all of whom have promised to raise taxes on working Americans to pay for tremendous growth in government. In fact, there are times when we can barely tell them apart – they're all more eager to run for MoveOn.org than America."]

I love that! "Working Americans". It makes you think this guy is talking about working class Americans, but he isn't. CEO's are working Americans, too. So Democrats are going to raise taxes to pay for the Republican's tremendous growth in government. And notice the mention of the supposed 'core constituency' of the Dems with the mention of MoveOn.org. It's no different than the Dems trying to link Republicans to the Conservative Christians. Mr. Diaz and the RNC can barely tell the Democratic candidates apart and they are simply one side of the coin they share space on with the Republicans. Heads they win, tails you lose.

It comes back around to the core differences in the major candidates. The voters will choose between Douche Baggery and Ass Hattery and end up with an Ass Hat Douche Bag Pigfucker.