To Govern

Aaron Russo's America: Freedom to Fascism isn't a great film. It's not shot very well, it comes across as extremely one-sided and pushy, and the editing leaves you with an uneasy feeling that things are not in the context they should be in. But you want to trust the film maker's sincerity. This was a film that he truly believed needed to be made and shown to the public. So as he was dieing from cancer of the bladder, he did just that. America: Freedom to Fascism was made by a man with nothing to lose, and it shows. (Full film on Google.)

The film is full of conspiracies involving a group of elite bankers. This is nothing new. The idea of an international banking conspiracy is centuries old. All such conspiracy theories must be taken with a grain of salt no matter how well documented. But two particulars really caught my attention.

After an entire film of documenting the evils of the Federal Reserve, the illegality of the federal income tax, how the government wants to implant identification chips in everyone, and how electronic voting machines can be used to rig elections, I was ready for his list of 'what to do about it'. Ironically he suggests you only support politicians who pledge to do away with the Federal Reserve system. If all he says is true, what good is it to vote in a rigged election for anyone? Which totally works in my favor because if I lose I can claim that the election was rigged against me. With no paper trail nobody can prove me wrong. Hurray for electronic voting machines!

What really stood out were the political comparisons. Often people being interviewed or Russo himself would say, "That's not America. That's Fascism!" or "That's not what the founding fathers intended. That's Communism!" Over and over again. That's Fascism. That's Communism. Communism, Fascism. As I recall, the Communists and the Fascists were fundamentally opposed political systems. In the Spanish Revolution it was the Communists and Anarchists fighting against the Fascists. And in World War II the Communists were our allies against the Fascists. How could our current government be compared to both the Communists and the Fascists simultaneously?

What do the Communists and the Fascists have in common that is also true of America's political system? Once it hit me, the answer seemed incredibly obvious. All of them are governments. The role of government is to govern.

to govern

1. (transitive) To make and administer the public policy and affairs of; to exercise sovereign authority in.
2. (transitive) To control the actions or behavior of; to keep under control; to restrain.
   Govern yourselves like civilized people.
   a student who could not govern his impulses.
3. (transitive) To exercise a deciding or determining influence on.
   Chance usually governs the outcome of the game.
4. (transitive) To control the speed, flow etc. of; to regulate.
   a valve that governs fuel intake.
5. (intransitive) To exercise political authority; to run a government.
6. (intransitive) To have or exercise a determining influence.

It doesn't matter if you are talking about Communists, Fascists, Republics, Democracies, Theocracies, Juntas, Oligarchies, Aristocracies, or even Meritocracies. The role of Government is to govern. Under all of the above definitions that means control.

Which is why I am proud to be an Anarchist candidate. In this rigged election that I am destined to lose through no fault of my own I swear to do everything in my power to put all government out of a job. That includes my own job as President. I ask of you, the American people, can you handle that? Can you handle true freedom? Are you ready to take full responsibility for yourself and your actions? Are you ready to cast off the systems of control known as Government?

There are other options.

Political scientists at the Cato Institute announced Monday that they have inadvertently synthesized a previously theoretical form of government known as megalocracy.

"We were attempting to recreate a military junta in a controlled diplomatic setting, and we applied too much external pressure," said head researcher Dr. Adam Stogsdill, a leading expert in highly reactionary ruling systems. "The resultant government has the ruthless qualities of a dictatorship combined with the class solidarity of a plutocracy—it's quite a remarkable find."

Raising taxes on the rich | Salon.com

Raising taxes on the rich:

New data from the Internal Revenue Service show that income inequality continues to widen. The wealthiest 1 percent of Americans earn more than 21 percent of all income. That's a postwar record. The bottom 50 percent of all Americans, when all their wages are combined, earn just 12.8 percent of the nation's income.

Considering the magnitude of challenges ahead for America, it seems only reasonable that taxes should rise on the wealthy. Taxing the super-rich is not about class envy, as conservatives charge. It's about the nation having enough money to pay for national defense and homeland security, good schools and a crumbling infrastructure, the upcoming costs of boomers' Social Security (the current surplus has masked the true extent of the current budget deficit, but it won't for much longer) and, hopefully, affordable national health insurance. Not to mention the trillion dollars or so it will take to fix the Alternative Minimum Tax, which is now starting to hit the middle class.

Such conflicting emotions.

Of course the rich should take on a much heavier tax burden than the poor. Right? Any non-profit will tell you that a single rich benefactor will give you more than you can squeeze out of 'memberships' and other small donations from the peons. The government doesn't require the wooing of donations, it can just take what it wants. Unless you want to run for re-election and raise the uber funds that require a massive influx of cash from the wealthy.

Of course those who benefit directly from government programs should take on the burden of funding those programs. It just makes sense, right? What billionaire needs Medicare, Social Security, public schools, or even the police for that matter? Let those who can't afford private security collectively pay for public security. What are we, a bunch of communists?

Nobody has ever won an election by pledging to raise taxes. While I love to prove people wrong, when someone tells me that a massive stab wound directly to the heart is always fatal, I'm not going to start a series of experiments to discredit them. So I can solemnly promise not to raise taxes on the rich, poor, or middle class. I won't raise taxes on businesses or imports or anything else.

The first step towards healthy taxation is to end compulsory taxation. But who will pay for roads and cops and judges and (insert favorite government program here and don't pretend like you don't have at least one that you actually sort of like)? You will have to pay for all of this. Each year the government, in hopes of collecting funds for projects, sends out a tax proposal with each item identified individually, not as one big spending bill. Each of us can then go down the list and say $5 for schools, $20 for Lunar exploration, $1 for the Coast Guard, nothing for the CIA, etc. We send in how much we are willing to pay to fund our favorite projects and what we don't like doesn't get our money. Could it actually work? Maybe. It has got to be better than what we've got going on now.

Secondly, abolish the Federal Reserve. Hell, abolish money. We don't really need it. If you've got skills, services, or stuff then you've got all the currency you'll ever need. That sounds stupid even to me, which is why I think we should try it out. Anything that simple has got to have some flaws. I promise to abolish the monetary system and all wealth and debt associated with it, just to see what happens.

At the very least, the government needs to learn to live within its means. I've watched quite a few non-profits go about business the government way. They figure out what they want, and then go sparing for change. Totally ass backwards. I've made that mistake myself and can attest to the stupidity of that kind of logic. Always look at what you've got before you go spending it. If we don't the military will quickly grab up every penny in the budget to fund a coup against me.

Snake Oil

Bush Challenges Nations to Help Bring Democracy to Cuba because forcing everybody to be just like you is cool.

"Now is the time to stand with the Cuban people as they stand up for their liberty,' Bush said in remarks at the State Department. 'And now is the time for the world to put aside its differences and prepare for Cuba's transition to a future of freedom and progress and promise."

As far as I know, the Cubans most likely to despise Castro and Communism are the ones no longer living in Cuba. Most of them are Americans now. That's what happens. When you don't like the way things are being done, you get up and leave for some place different. Unless you can't find any place that is really any better than what you got. So since I can't go move to someplace better, I have to make this backwards hick nation more tolerable.

And when I say backwards hick, I'm really talking about the American people. But not you, dear reader. I am certain you are far better than the average filth just because you are reading my words here. You are part of the social elite soon-to-be ruling class that will purge the stupidity from the White House, fix the economy, give away free top notch health care to everyone, cater to born again Christians and atheists alike, and can be used as a laxative and to relieve minor back pain. Because you and your close circle of friends are right and everybody else in the world is wrong and it is Your turn to play on the monkey bars no matter what Jimmy and Ms. Crabapple say about sharing.

Damnit Bush! Now I want fried plantains. Thanks for bringing up Cuba, jerk. No Snake Oil for you!

Hey kids! Use your decoder ring to find out what Jake is really saying.

UPDATE

I loved Castro's response.

Only Cubans will decide Cuba's political future.

Still Reading

They still read my blog and talk about my stuff.

The difference between me and the local progressives? I say out. They say they are willing to entertain a Plan B if the Dems will just come forward with one. The chickenest of the chicken hawks.

When a friend is part of a destructive relationship what idiot would tell them, "Draw up a plan for a slow withdrawal in which key benchmarks must be met"? Withdrawal. Total and immediate. Leave a 'Dear John' for them to find in the morning with the ring in the envelope.

Leeches!

The swine are reading my blog. Top of the hour morning news discussion on Portland's Air America station, KPOJ? The Christian Right defecting from Giuliani and Republican women defecting for Hillary. The pigfuckers are stealing my material.

I'm flattered.

The Next Great American Pigfucker

In 2008 most voters will choose between Douche Baggery and Ass Hattery and will get both. Currently Giuliani is tops with those most likely to vote Republican, Democrats are leaning heavily towards Clinton, and Jake is number one with those not intending to vote.

The Douche Bags and Ass Hats are working hard with just over one tiny little (leap) year to go before the American voters choose which brand of bullshit best represents them. What have we got going on?

To start with, the ever so important Christian Right Wing Nuts are threatening to defect if Giuliani is nominated by the R's. Apparently they are hard R's and will not tolerate any of that lazy rolling R bullshit.

But the largest single voting bloc in the GOP is not ready for the coronation of a pro-choice candidate like Giuliani. A group of key Christian conservative leaders voted at a Sept. 29 meeting in Salt Lake City to consider supporting a socially conservative third-party candidate if Giuliani is the Republican nominee; the same group will meet in Washington on Saturday for further discussion of the third-party option. Conservative anger is real, at least for now. As longtime conservative activist Richard Viguerie, who was at the first meeting, told Salon, 'If Giuliani is the nominee, it will be the end of the Republican Party. There's no way that conservatives are going to continue to play the role of mistress, and here's a man who's wrong on every single social issue.' Viguerie predicts disaster for a Giuliani candidacy. 'In a two-way race, I think he'd be hard-pressed to get 40 percent of the vote. In a three-way race, he won't come close.'

A Rasmussen poll conducted in early October seemed to confirm that a third-party conservative challenger would be devastating to the GOP.

That would be glorious news for Dems, would it not? Are we sure? I remember a Minnesota gubernatorial race where Skip Humphrey thought he was playing a dirty and underhanded trick on Republicans by inviting third party candidate Jesse Ventura to compete in debates. The idea was that Ventura, who ran as a Reform Party (later renamed the Independence Party of Minnesota) candidate, would steal votes from Republican Norm Coleman and help to insure a Democratic win. The end result was Jesse 'The Governor' Ventura beating annoyed conservative Norm Coleman while Skip Humphrey sat around his election night headquarters looking like a beagle with an invisible boot swiftly and repeatedly lodged in the posterior. In shame he committed suicide and became President of AARP.

But people seem to think that a Guiliani nomination is doomed regardless. Supposedly women will defect from the GOP to vote for Hillary. Something about desperate suburban soccer moms only marrying men for money and semen donation purposes and secretly all being lesbians looking for a dominant mother figure they can lust after and up until now having to settle for a bunch of Republican pussies that act like spoiled little princesses.

"I don't think the Republicans have any real outstanding stars in terms of their candidates and I don't think the Republicans even think they have that. You poll most Republicans, most Republicans are dissatisfied with their choices. You know there is a real question whether Rudy [Giuliani] will end up splitting the Republican party and creating a third party.... I don't think he is fundamentally different from any of the other candidates out there."

[Thursday morning Danny Diaz, a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, sent reporters this response: "The Republican Party looks forward to competing against any of the Democrat candidates, all of whom have promised to raise taxes on working Americans to pay for tremendous growth in government. In fact, there are times when we can barely tell them apart – they're all more eager to run for MoveOn.org than America."]

I love that! "Working Americans". It makes you think this guy is talking about working class Americans, but he isn't. CEO's are working Americans, too. So Democrats are going to raise taxes to pay for the Republican's tremendous growth in government. And notice the mention of the supposed 'core constituency' of the Dems with the mention of MoveOn.org. It's no different than the Dems trying to link Republicans to the Conservative Christians. Mr. Diaz and the RNC can barely tell the Democratic candidates apart and they are simply one side of the coin they share space on with the Republicans. Heads they win, tails you lose.

It comes back around to the core differences in the major candidates. The voters will choose between Douche Baggery and Ass Hattery and end up with an Ass Hat Douche Bag Pigfucker.

U.S. Out of Iraq Now! How?

Mother Jones puts forward the moral dilemna of how to deal with an exit from Iraq.

"You break it, you own it." So goes the "Pottery Barn rule" that Colin Powell invoked in his last-ditch attempts to dissuade President Bush from invading Iraq. "You are going to be the proud owner of 25 million people. You will own all their hopes, aspirations, and problems. You'll own it all."

Yet it's not just the administration that has its head in the sand; to varying degrees, we all do. For those of us who argued against invading, it is tempting to simply demand an end to 'Bush's War' and wash our hands of it. But as General Anthony Zinni, former head of U.S. forces in the Middle East, told us, 'Your conscience is not clean just because you're a peace demonstrator.' In other words, just because you weren't in favor of going in doesn't mean you're not responsible for what happens when we pull out.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one damn minute! I never, never, ever supported this war and I say those of a similar ilk are in no way responsible for what happens when we pull out. So the initial reason for invasion (WMDs) was a lie, which everyone should know by now, and people fell for it. Then people bought into the idea that we were there to liberate the nation from an evil dictator and bring democracy to the Middle East. So even if you got suckered by the first bluff and hold some shred of hope for the second, you still are in no way responsible for what happens in Iraq when we pull out. Unless you want to be, but that's your bag, not mine.

So why are we not responsible? If the Iraqi people are now living in a country where they have been liberated from an evil dictator and handed freedom, they are free to do with their country as they please. If that means they choose to shoot the shit out of each other and strap explosive devices to sexually repressed teenagers, so be it. And if they try to export that shit to my home town I'm betting I can whip up a damn good posse to kick their asses back to where they came from. Even if you don't buy into any of the bullshit that has been force fed to the media, masticated, and then crapped out onto the moronic masses who proceeded to rub it into their skin and print it on pretty plastic placards to stick on their vehicle of choice, you are still free and clear of responsibility for what might happen should we pull out and leave a mess all over the backs of the Iraqis. To take responsibility for them is to take responsibility from them. I will not withhold freedom from those who want it just because someone thinks I have a 'moral responsibility'.

So what is to be done? First and foremost, anyone running for or holding national office must be forced to answer these questions:

Forced, eh? You can not force me! But I will answer willingly.

What's your schedule for withdrawal, and what consequences do you foresee?

Immediate and total withdrawal. I'm sure everyone will have the shakes for a while, cold sweats, hot flashes, night terrors, tremors, both Americans and Iraqis. Quitting cold turkey is tough. But it must be done. We never should have started in the first place, but a partially willing America did and brought a partially willing Iraq along for the ride. There will be those who die from the withdrawal, but there are plenty dieing from our continued participation.

Which comes first—withdrawal, a functioning Iraqi government, or a solid international peacekeeping force?

Withdrawal! Didn't I just say that? Withdrawal. I'll be interested in a functioning Iraqi government if we can ever get a functioning American government going on. If people would like to volunteer for an international peacekeeping force, that's cool. But don't give them weapons. Unless you intend to keep things peaceful by shooting anything that makes a sound.

What concessions would you make to get Iraq's neighbors to help?

I'll tell McDonalds, Starbucks, and Walmart to stay the fuck out of the Middle East. That should be more than enough in terms of concessions. Then I'll start working on kicking them out of here as well.

What degree of bloodshed are you prepared to stand by and watch?

I don't intend to watch any of it. Not my thing... Wait, you mean would I tolerate genocide. Much tougher question. Everyone who voted for that idiot Bush and his nightmare alter-ego Dick or voted for anyone else who showed support for an invasion of Iraq can choose to either go over there and protect those they 'liberated' or can take in a refugee family that chooses to flee the country. Take that responsibility!

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego's Bomb?

Airport screeners failed to find most fake bombs, TSA says:

Investigators successfully smuggled 75 percent of the fake bombs through checkpoints at Los Angeles International Airport in California, and 60 percent through Chicago's O'Hare International Airport in Illinois, according to a report obtained by USA Today. In tests at California's San Francisco International Airport, where a private company conducts inspections, 20 percent of the contraband made it through security.

The government has conducted similar testing in the past, with similarly poor results. Repeated tests by the Department of Homeland Security's Office of Inspector General led the Government Accountability Office to conclude that better technology would improve security.

Better technology like this? I've got my own idea.

No carry-on luggage.
No purses, handbags, briefcases, backpacks, etc.
No shoes anywhere in the airport.
No hats.
No jewlery.
No shirts, blouses, or other tops.
No pants, skirts, kilts or other bottoms.
No underwear, lingerie, liquid latex, duct tape, or other 'modesty' clothing items.

That's right, if you want to fly then you better strip naked and leave everything at home. If you don't like it, take the bus or a train or maybe a cruise ship. This is America goddamnit and we don't need all you dirty stinkin' fake terrorist posers with your 'water bottles' and 'PDAs' mucking up our free and decent society. It's all banned. All of it! And don't forget to shave all your hair off, too. Or use wax or a hair depilatory or whatever. It's a free country.

Or you can start heavily investing in matter transmission research and get beamed up. Unless you have a better idea.

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.


Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Romney the Racist

Check out Romney's racist comment as reported by the Guardian:

"By the way, hats off to Bill Cosby," Romney said. "At least where I spent the last 30 years in Massachusetts, boy, if we could have more married couples in the inner city it would be a huge help for our kids."

Tip toeing racism if I ever saw it. Hey Mr. Romney, why not just come out and say, "Bed hopping ghetto jungle bunnies." That's basically what you said. As though hillbillies don't reproduce like flies on a shit pile.

I don't care how many parents a kid has at home. From 1 to 11, the more the merrier.

Pulling Out the Big Guns

Senator Fred Thompson, Republican Presidential Candidate, has revealed his true platform to an independent media outlet. It's not really a platform. But they do sit pretty high and I bet she could support a full champagne glass between them. That's right, Mr. Thompson is promising you "If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History".

I am aware of the critics who doubt my ability to deliver on this promise. "What about Jackie Kennedy?" they ask. "Wasn't she a hotter first lady?" If all America cares about is hotness from the neck up, then yes. Though Jackie looked good in a pillbox hat, she never possessed that I-have-obvious-father-issues sort of hotness the people of this country appreciate so deeply. Go on, close your eyes and try picturing Jackie Kennedy on the cover of some magazine spilling out of a bikini. You can't do it, can you? Now try the same mental experiment with Mrs. Fred. The results speak for themselves.

If you elect me as your next president, you will see this woman on TV nearly every day, jogging around the Rose Garden in tight Lycra shorts, bouncing all over the place with a figure that Americans of every stripe—from surgeons to truckers—will want to nail. Yours will be a first lady who is not only hot enough to appear in Playboy, but who might actually be willing to appear in Playboy. And if you choose me to be your next president, that is exactly what she'll do, in the November 2012 issue, guaranteeing me a second term once the public gets a good look at those truly incredible bazongas.

So she's kind of hot in a MILF sort of way. Big deal. You're missing the point, Mr. Thompson. Kennedy may have been married to the extremely hot Jackie, but he was banging the original Playboy Bunny, Marilyn Monroe. You're a loser, Fred. You got nothing on that. You see, it's not who you are married to, it's who you are having extra-marital relations with that really counts. Because in our so-called Christian nation, it would be a sin to want to fuck someone else's wife, but we can all lust after a piece of their hot side action without fear of eternal damnation at the hands of a loving yet vengeful basket case of a deity.

And trust me, Mr. Thompson, this is one issue you do not want to debate me on.

Illumination

We are closest to truth just before we die. That is when we have the least amount of time in which to contradict ourselves.

Crack Election Squad

Daleks are scary. They wander around the Universe exterminating and enslaving other races. But they are no match for Jake. One arm is a gun, the other is a plunger. Not all that different from Jake's better weekends. But Jake has something they don't. After all, that plunger is only scary if they know how to use it. And Daleks don't know how to use a plunger. I mean they don't even show 1mm of crack. That's right, they're all talk. Just a bunch of posers.

So if you want the real supreme being of the Universe schooling those nasty Daleks, vote Jake!

American Made

It's no secret that the United States of America has trade problems. From cheap toys made in China to electronics from Korea to petroleum from the Middle East and even customer service phone centers in India, our once great nation has fallen prey to the cost effectiveness of outsourcing. Our agricultural exports can no longer make up the difference as we need more and more of those resources for our alternative fuel programs including ethanol and bio-diesel. America, we are at a cross-roads.

We need to look at what America has become if we want to find a sustainable solution. And America is full of very fat and very vain people. These two resources can go hand in glove to deliver us from our trade deficit. Creative Rendering And Surgical Solutions! We suck the fat out of all the obese people and use it to make soap. We'll have a thinner nation and a new commodity for export.

Wake up and smell the freedom! Use CRASS Soap... and Vote Jake.

Red October Surprise

While serving as Commander in Chief of the Martian Imaginary Military, Jake was in charge of no fewer than a million billion imaginary troops sworn to protect the red planet from invasion. A noble cause which Mr. Roth often likes to tout as one of his so-called credentials.

But did you know under his command Jake forged an alliance with the New Mexico Submarine Base and Naval Ship Yard? Can we trust our Nation's military to a man who forged a military alliance with a naval fleet based out of a land locked desert? Mr. Roth's only explanation for such behavior?

It just seemed like a good fit at the time.

Third Quarter Fund Raising

The numbers are in and we have good news. Thanks to the tireless efforts of Jake and Jake supporters, the campaign has thus far raised exactly $0.00! Why is this good news? It means that Jake knows how to run a campaign on the cheap. Very cheap. If he can run for the nation's top office without raising any funds what-so-ever, just imagine how he can run a government!

It also means that I have the continued support of the cheap and/or greedy and/or dirt poor do-it-your-own-damn-self crowd. And that means a lot to me. Thank you.