I haven't commented on my run for office. Ever sicne God appointed me emperor I've kind of given up on President. I mean, who wants to balance all of that cover up and spin when as emperor you can just say 'make it so' and behead those who defy you?
But I have a promise to make. If elected, I will do what every president I have ever known has done. I will lie and keep secrets. Not a one hasn't done it. And I promise to keep up with that tradition. Of course as emperor I can tell the truth all the time and behead those who have a problem with it. And that's why I'm telling the truth now when I tell you that as your next President I will lie. You have a problem with that?
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And I promise that if elected as vice-president I will do what all vice-presidents have done which is lurk in the shadows, kick puppies, and drink the blood of babies. Yep, even Mondale did that. It's a proven fact.
But if you promise to lie and keep secrets, and proceed to lie and keep secrets, you will not have lied, but told the truth. The only way you can possibly break this promise is to not lie and keep secrets! I'm getting a headache.
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