CoffeeisoneofmyfavoritedrugsandjustbecauseIlikethespeedy
jittersofagoodoverindulgencecoffeebuzzdoesn'tmeanI'ma
coffeejunkiebecauseIcanquitanytimeIwantIjustcan'tthinkof
anyreasonwhyIshouldandallofthereasonsyougivemearelittle
morethantheinsanerantingsofapuritanicalpukesothere!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
The Old Man Voice
Back in my day when people got nostalgic, they talked about how BAD everything was. Now these youngsters, when they get nostalgic, they talk about how GOOD things used to be.
Bah! Country's going right down the shitter.
Bah! Country's going right down the shitter.
Follow Up
The lead chose to get the girl turning 21 a case of Henry's instead of Coors Light. Victory!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
AWPC: Just Say No!
Lead: It's Jessica's 21st birthday this weekend and I wondered if you'd be willing to pitch in a couple of bucks so we can buy her a six pack and some balloons.
Me: Sure.
Operator: What are you getting her?
Lead: I've heard she likes Coors Light.
Me: In that case, take me off the list. I can't condone that sort of behavior.
Operator: Me too! That's disgusting!
Lead: I drink Coors Light.
Me: I still can't condone that kind of behavior.
Operator: There's no good reason to drink that crap.
Me: Sure.
Operator: What are you getting her?
Lead: I've heard she likes Coors Light.
Me: In that case, take me off the list. I can't condone that sort of behavior.
Operator: Me too! That's disgusting!
Lead: I drink Coors Light.
Me: I still can't condone that kind of behavior.
Operator: There's no good reason to drink that crap.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
NSFW: Beneficial Porn
Tuesday's Porn Star Karaoke Night will be a Benefit for Sankofa Center for African Dance & Culture. I hate karaoke, but if I lived in or near Burbank, I'd be tempted to go. I would bring ear plugs, of course.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Quote
"I wanna love you."
Gibby Hanes of the Butthole Surfers appearing on Jesus Built My Hotrod by Ministry
Gibby Hanes of the Butthole Surfers appearing on Jesus Built My Hotrod by Ministry
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Math for Members
When I found measurements for the average male penis, I had to compare. It was mostly because for the first time in my life I encountered an average that included not just length, but also girth. I had never seen average girth as a statistic before. Of course by knowing length and girth I could perform a little geometry and get a rough indication of volume.
The average male penis is roughly equivalent to 3.6 fluid ounces, one of those larger size shot glasses.
John Holmes had what was nearly a 40 ouncer.
And now I have a suspicion as to why I like the feel of a Guinness in my hand, since I'm a pint.
Cheers.
The average male penis is roughly equivalent to 3.6 fluid ounces, one of those larger size shot glasses.
John Holmes had what was nearly a 40 ouncer.
And now I have a suspicion as to why I like the feel of a Guinness in my hand, since I'm a pint.
Cheers.
Contrariwise
A friend has linked to me as, "a contrary man for all seasons." It took me quite a while to find this out as I've subscribed to the feed and never go to the main page where the link exists. Then one day I did and saw it.
I saw the link and said, "What's she talking about? I'm not contrary!" But wait, that statement alone betrays otherwise. "Well, January and October are mine too, then." Or some such. Nevermind all that.
Thing is, yes, I am contrary. I listen to conservative talk radio and want to shoot the bastards for being so damn blind to the harsh realities around them. I listen to liberal talk radio and want to drag the whiny bleeding hearts behind my truck. I read anarchist publications and I want to kick the authors to the curb for going into such mind numbing detail about how a world without government would work until they have devised a system that only a politician could appreciate. Fuck them all!
And yet in person I am known as the nice guy. I'm the peace maker. I'm the mellow, happy guy who everyone loves. There you go, more contrariness. Because they all love me, but I hate all of them. And I hate you, too.
I saw the link and said, "What's she talking about? I'm not contrary!" But wait, that statement alone betrays otherwise. "Well, January and October are mine too, then." Or some such. Nevermind all that.
Thing is, yes, I am contrary. I listen to conservative talk radio and want to shoot the bastards for being so damn blind to the harsh realities around them. I listen to liberal talk radio and want to drag the whiny bleeding hearts behind my truck. I read anarchist publications and I want to kick the authors to the curb for going into such mind numbing detail about how a world without government would work until they have devised a system that only a politician could appreciate. Fuck them all!
And yet in person I am known as the nice guy. I'm the peace maker. I'm the mellow, happy guy who everyone loves. There you go, more contrariness. Because they all love me, but I hate all of them. And I hate you, too.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Brilliant!
The US must fight back (against al-Qaeda) by operating a more effective, 24-hour propaganda machine, or risk a "dangerous deficiency," (Rumsfeld) said.
Story here.
A 24-hour propaganda machine in Muslim countries. Makes sense. I mean it has worked so well domestically.
There is no news anywhere.
Story here.
A 24-hour propaganda machine in Muslim countries. Makes sense. I mean it has worked so well domestically.
There is no news anywhere.
My Package
I got my Fluffers Union CD in the mail today, direct from the boys down in the Lonestar Beer State. Now I get to feed my crazy country urges in style. Thanks Bryan, Derek, Collin, Jeremiah, and all the other good folks who I drank beer with in San Marcus and cheated out of a lot of pocket change playing poker. You're my heroes even if just for tonight.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Mystic
Today I reached for a tarot deck. Instead of reaching for my usual Thoth deck
, I picked up my old Voyager Tarot Deck.
The Voyager deck was my first set of tarot cards. A friend of mine's boyfriend had purchased her the deck. She tried to use them a few times, but the cards are ridiculously huge compared to most decks. While visiting them I made the comment that cards that size were meant for hands my size. Right there she gave me the deck.
The Voyager tarot is an interesting deck. The images on the card are very well done photo collages that try to embody the symbols and meanings of each card. You are just as likely to find an ancient statue of Apollo as you are to find an image of the Apollo 13 module. This deck is 100% touchy feely new age mysticism. For some reason, this deck has also had an uncanny ability to cast light on almost any situation I have posed to it. Drives me nuts sometimes. It was the new age style of this deck that in part made me decide to get Aleister Crowley's Thoth deck.
After years of not touching the Voyager deck, the eerie connection is still there. It tells me exactly when to stop shuffling. It still lays out an uncanny spread that sheds light on the situation at hand. It still drives me nuts. The choices after the fact are mine. It is nice, however, to have a tool for seeing things from new perspectives.
, I picked up my old Voyager Tarot Deck.The Voyager deck was my first set of tarot cards. A friend of mine's boyfriend had purchased her the deck. She tried to use them a few times, but the cards are ridiculously huge compared to most decks. While visiting them I made the comment that cards that size were meant for hands my size. Right there she gave me the deck.
The Voyager tarot is an interesting deck. The images on the card are very well done photo collages that try to embody the symbols and meanings of each card. You are just as likely to find an ancient statue of Apollo as you are to find an image of the Apollo 13 module. This deck is 100% touchy feely new age mysticism. For some reason, this deck has also had an uncanny ability to cast light on almost any situation I have posed to it. Drives me nuts sometimes. It was the new age style of this deck that in part made me decide to get Aleister Crowley's Thoth deck.
After years of not touching the Voyager deck, the eerie connection is still there. It tells me exactly when to stop shuffling. It still lays out an uncanny spread that sheds light on the situation at hand. It still drives me nuts. The choices after the fact are mine. It is nice, however, to have a tool for seeing things from new perspectives.
Going Metric
As one of the last nations to still use old standard measures instead of metric, I thought I would try to help Americans make the transition.
The average man's penis measures 6 inches in length when erect. The best an American male can do to brag without exaggerating is to say they measure half a foot. It might sound a little more impressive, but it still lacks. Now imagine telling someone you measure 15 1/4 centimeters. That's right, double digits. Psychologically, 6 just can't measure up to 9 with it only one marker away from that majestic double digit status. But 15 is damn close to 20 even though we're talking about roughly the same corresponding lengths.
As for women, how would you like to transform your 32 inch chest into a mind boggling 81 instantly and without expensive surgery? How would you like to drop from nearly 200 pounds to stating your weight as less than 90 without dieting or going to the gym?
Want to drive 100 per? You can do it without getting a speeding ticket.
These and other miracles await within the metric system.
The average man's penis measures 6 inches in length when erect. The best an American male can do to brag without exaggerating is to say they measure half a foot. It might sound a little more impressive, but it still lacks. Now imagine telling someone you measure 15 1/4 centimeters. That's right, double digits. Psychologically, 6 just can't measure up to 9 with it only one marker away from that majestic double digit status. But 15 is damn close to 20 even though we're talking about roughly the same corresponding lengths.
As for women, how would you like to transform your 32 inch chest into a mind boggling 81 instantly and without expensive surgery? How would you like to drop from nearly 200 pounds to stating your weight as less than 90 without dieting or going to the gym?
Want to drive 100 per? You can do it without getting a speeding ticket.
These and other miracles await within the metric system.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Nerdier than Thou: An AWPC
CoWorker: Why don't you play console games? The new XBox rules.
Me: Because I can't edit games on a console. I like to cheat.
Me: Because I can't edit games on a console. I like to cheat.
Free Love
It's a Valentine's Special! For the month of February you can now download Black Whole Son for free. Or you can purchase a hard(core) copy for just $7.05.
Give the gift of biker love this Valentine's Day.
Give the gift of biker love this Valentine's Day.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Making the Cut
In my teen years I practiced an art participated in by many teens; self-mutilation. I would take a knife, razor blade, hypodermic needle, safety pin, or other such device and cut myself. I couldn't tell you why, for certain. But I did it repeatedly and enjoyed the experience.
At work, I cut myself often. This week I rediscovered one of the sensations I had often felt when mutilating myself back in high school. If you take a sharp cutting instrument like a hypo, scalpel, razor, etc, and make a slice across your skin, you can hardly feel the cutting at all and you can cut quite deep without even noticing it. I did this once with a razor blade to my right arm, leaving a huge scar which I eventually covered with a tattoo. I probably should have stitched it up. I could have done it myself. But the fascinating part about this sort of cut is not the cut itself. Once the cut is made, it feels as though you could actually peel back the skin. You feel that if it weren't for bleeding to death, it would be possible to skin yourself alive, leave your 'shell' behind, and walk about truly naked. There is a sensation that one might call pain, but you can view it as just another sensation that doesn't have to rule your actions. Frightening and beautiful simultaneously. I gave myself my first tattoo by cutting open lines with an exacto knife and laying in india ink. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but it does work. It is best done with long, gentle curves. I made short, sharp turns. Regardless, at the end of the tattoo I felt as though I could peel back the area circumscribed and look at the muscles underneath. It was worth the experience.
With that fresh in my mind, I have thought about skin this week. I have thought about how often it feels like an armored container for what we really are.
Burns, which I also got one of this week, do not have this effect. Instead they remind you of just how vulnerable and sensitive your shell really is. They can serve as a reminder as to why we walk around inside of our skins instead of out.
Finally, a note to all. 100% pure isopropynol is a quick way to discover if you actually cut yourself. Also, it doesn't hurt nearly as much on burns as it does on cuts.
At work, I cut myself often. This week I rediscovered one of the sensations I had often felt when mutilating myself back in high school. If you take a sharp cutting instrument like a hypo, scalpel, razor, etc, and make a slice across your skin, you can hardly feel the cutting at all and you can cut quite deep without even noticing it. I did this once with a razor blade to my right arm, leaving a huge scar which I eventually covered with a tattoo. I probably should have stitched it up. I could have done it myself. But the fascinating part about this sort of cut is not the cut itself. Once the cut is made, it feels as though you could actually peel back the skin. You feel that if it weren't for bleeding to death, it would be possible to skin yourself alive, leave your 'shell' behind, and walk about truly naked. There is a sensation that one might call pain, but you can view it as just another sensation that doesn't have to rule your actions. Frightening and beautiful simultaneously. I gave myself my first tattoo by cutting open lines with an exacto knife and laying in india ink. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but it does work. It is best done with long, gentle curves. I made short, sharp turns. Regardless, at the end of the tattoo I felt as though I could peel back the area circumscribed and look at the muscles underneath. It was worth the experience.
With that fresh in my mind, I have thought about skin this week. I have thought about how often it feels like an armored container for what we really are.
Burns, which I also got one of this week, do not have this effect. Instead they remind you of just how vulnerable and sensitive your shell really is. They can serve as a reminder as to why we walk around inside of our skins instead of out.
Finally, a note to all. 100% pure isopropynol is a quick way to discover if you actually cut yourself. Also, it doesn't hurt nearly as much on burns as it does on cuts.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Where the Weirdos Are
For quite some time I had wondered why the successful maintenance people all seemed a little off-kilter. Think about the ones you have encountered. Think of those people who have jobs fixing physical problems. All of the ones that do a really good job at it, are weird, possibly a bit nuts. Today while watching a not-so-weird maintenance guy, I finally found an answer.
To be a good maintenance person, you HAVE to be weird. You have to dare to do stupid things. You have to recklessly tear into a situation in an attempt to find the solution to the problem.
The not-so-weird maintenance guy can fix any problem that he has been shown how to fix. He can apply knowledge learned to a given situation. These are good traits in a technician. A technician will make certain a machine runs by making every aspect of it is set up as it should be and will replace parts that no longer meet the specifications.
Maintenance guys don't live in that world. They deal with problems that should not exist, but do. They are forced to make old parts work because the new ones aren't scheduled to be made for another three months. They have tools, raw materials, an inquisitive mind, and a dash of creativity. If they can't fix it, they'll at least get it to run.
All that said, here's a warning. Steer clear of these people while they work. Many of them are accidents waiting to happen. They poke and prod with a screwdriver asking, I wonder what this does?" For some, their luck will run out. It's a good idea to not be anywhere near them when this happens. Who knows how many they will accidentally take with them?
To be a good maintenance person, you HAVE to be weird. You have to dare to do stupid things. You have to recklessly tear into a situation in an attempt to find the solution to the problem.
The not-so-weird maintenance guy can fix any problem that he has been shown how to fix. He can apply knowledge learned to a given situation. These are good traits in a technician. A technician will make certain a machine runs by making every aspect of it is set up as it should be and will replace parts that no longer meet the specifications.
Maintenance guys don't live in that world. They deal with problems that should not exist, but do. They are forced to make old parts work because the new ones aren't scheduled to be made for another three months. They have tools, raw materials, an inquisitive mind, and a dash of creativity. If they can't fix it, they'll at least get it to run.
All that said, here's a warning. Steer clear of these people while they work. Many of them are accidents waiting to happen. They poke and prod with a screwdriver asking, I wonder what this does?" For some, their luck will run out. It's a good idea to not be anywhere near them when this happens. Who knows how many they will accidentally take with them?
Free Market
An idea.
If the free market is so great, why use a system of taxes? Why not instead sell stock in the US government? I'm sure the investors would line right up.
If the free market is so great, why use a system of taxes? Why not instead sell stock in the US government? I'm sure the investors would line right up.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Applying One's Self
After a very long hiatus, I applied for another job.
Sending out about 4 gross worth of résumés, cover letters, and applications had burnt me out. So when I landed a job, I quit applying for quite a while. I needed a psychological break from that whole process.
Then yesterday while eating lunch I decided to see what kind of jobs were listed locally. Finding one within 7 blocks of home at a glass foundry, I decided to put in an application. So I did that today. I don't need a job. The one I have suits me fine. I did it anyway.
And if they pay me enough, I'll take it. My work place has no loyalty to it's employees. They can fire me any time they want. They won't because I rock. The same could be said of anyone I end up working for.
Sending out about 4 gross worth of résumés, cover letters, and applications had burnt me out. So when I landed a job, I quit applying for quite a while. I needed a psychological break from that whole process.
Then yesterday while eating lunch I decided to see what kind of jobs were listed locally. Finding one within 7 blocks of home at a glass foundry, I decided to put in an application. So I did that today. I don't need a job. The one I have suits me fine. I did it anyway.
And if they pay me enough, I'll take it. My work place has no loyalty to it's employees. They can fire me any time they want. They won't because I rock. The same could be said of anyone I end up working for.
I Love Aminals
This is a Golden-Mantled Tree Kangaroo, one of several new species found in New Guinea.
This is one of those rare moments when I'll say something is very cute. That and I like the idea of a tree kangaroo.
This is one of those rare moments when I'll say something is very cute. That and I like the idea of a tree kangaroo.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Fnord
From an emplyment ad in the Oregonian.
"IF ELECTRONICS REALLY GET YOUR JUICES FOLLOWING... LET'S TALK."
It's like they aren't even trying.
"IF ELECTRONICS REALLY GET YOUR JUICES FOLLOWING... LET'S TALK."
It's like they aren't even trying.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
The Big Game
They're both world class teams. Still, we all knew it would end like this.
Brutal Aussies Trounce South Africa. Cooie!
What? Like there was anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon.
Brutal Aussies Trounce South Africa. Cooie!
What? Like there was anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Dream Wisdom
"I haven't seen such systematic and intentional bumming of America since the 70's. It's everywhere. East Coast, West Coast, Midwest. It's everywhere!"
Me in a dream from last night.
Me in a dream from last night.
Really?
US to expel Venezuelan diplomat.
"We don't like to get into tit-for-tat games like this with the Venezuelan government, but they initiated this and the US chose to respond," Mr McCormack said.
I'd swear I've heard that line before. Oh yeah, just about every time one of the elementary teachers broke up a playground fight one of the kids would say something remarkably similar.
Venezuela started it.
Did not.
Did too.
And nobody has been able to explain to me in rational terms why Bolivarian Socialist Venezuela is on the US shit list while Communist China gets most favored nation status. Just because Venezuela demands fair trade and China will allow its workers to be exploited...
"We don't like to get into tit-for-tat games like this with the Venezuelan government, but they initiated this and the US chose to respond," Mr McCormack said.
I'd swear I've heard that line before. Oh yeah, just about every time one of the elementary teachers broke up a playground fight one of the kids would say something remarkably similar.
Venezuela started it.
Did not.
Did too.
And nobody has been able to explain to me in rational terms why Bolivarian Socialist Venezuela is on the US shit list while Communist China gets most favored nation status. Just because Venezuela demands fair trade and China will allow its workers to be exploited...
Quote
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Hunter S. Thompson
Hunter S. Thompson
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Seniority
With the shift changed next week, one of the maintenance guys threw a fit about not getting put on day shift. He yelled about the troubles of day care and how he could only work days.
When they hired him, he said in his interview that he could work any shift.
If this was a union shop they could tell him, "Listen buddy. Every maintenance guy here has seniority over you. That means you get to fill in the schedule gaps. You get what's left over." But we're all 'at will' employees, unfortunately. If the choice were mine, I would have said, "You can only work days, huh? We only have an opening for you on swing. See ya later." Pink slip him. He's lucky. Instead they traded him off to dirty, stinky Plant One where he can stay on his weekend day shift.
Too bad, really. The guy who threw a fit insists on being called Michael. I had designs on calling him Mikhail, Mikey, Mongrel, Montana, Ichaelme, Ishmael, Ahab, Leahcim, anything except Michael.
When they hired him, he said in his interview that he could work any shift.
If this was a union shop they could tell him, "Listen buddy. Every maintenance guy here has seniority over you. That means you get to fill in the schedule gaps. You get what's left over." But we're all 'at will' employees, unfortunately. If the choice were mine, I would have said, "You can only work days, huh? We only have an opening for you on swing. See ya later." Pink slip him. He's lucky. Instead they traded him off to dirty, stinky Plant One where he can stay on his weekend day shift.
Too bad, really. The guy who threw a fit insists on being called Michael. I had designs on calling him Mikhail, Mikey, Mongrel, Montana, Ichaelme, Ishmael, Ahab, Leahcim, anything except Michael.
AWPC
Next week we're doing some major shift changes at work.
Dean: What are you gonna do without me to give you advice?
Jake: Fake it like everyone else does.
Dean: What are you gonna do without me to give you advice?
Jake: Fake it like everyone else does.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
IRS
Good News: I've figured out a legal loophole that would enable my spouse and me to not pay any taxes.
Bad News: It requires my spouse and me to commit suicide.
Good News: The Supreme Court uphelp Oregon's suicide law.
Bad News: I can't bring myself to do it even if it means screwing over the Feds.
Bad News: It requires my spouse and me to commit suicide.
Good News: The Supreme Court uphelp Oregon's suicide law.
Bad News: I can't bring myself to do it even if it means screwing over the Feds.
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