On Reading Blogs

I feel a lot better knowing that I AM insane. It gets really tough reading blogs of people who for one reason or another think they aren't insane.

Death to everyone except 12 individuals of my choosing, 137 random males, and 976 random females. I'm speaking only of humans. We need all the corn and puppies.

On Being Cool

Being cool is fucking awesome.

I wasn't always cool. For years, growing up, it seemed like everyone insisted I wasn't cool. I accepted that. Then one day I looked up to discover that somehow I had become cool. It was a relatively easy transition. All I had to do was stop trying, stop caring, and just be myself. There was a cool person inside me just waiting to emerge.

Luckily I don't mind isolation because being cool can be a bit lonely. The hip and the trendy have loads of friends they must surround themselves with as constant reminders that they are part of the in-crowd. The cool stand alone. I think it has something to do with the cool aura and people falling into the "I'm not worthy" mind set. It's all good. It means people don't bother me at the coffee shop when I'm trying to read or write.

The best part about being cool is making hip, trendy types squirm in discomfort. It takes a lot of work to be hip. You have to be seen with the right people, eat the right food, wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, and drink the right beer/wine/coffee/tea/whatever. It also seems to help if you can list at least ten bands that no one has ever heard of but you 'know' are the greatest undiscovered talents. I don't have to put up with all that bull shit. I can hang with rock stars, Jesus freaks, and rednecks if I so choose. I can eat at Taco Bell or Big Daddy's BBQ instead of going out for bento, sushi, or mock dog shit or whatever else is the plate du jour. I can wear a beat up t-shirt and my oily, smelly work pants. I can buy a Rolling Stones greatest hits album without having to appreciate the irony. In the middle of August I can drink dark beer and dark roast coffee. The hip crowd knows that their trendy status is tenuous at best, and my presence is a constant reminder of the fleeting nature of their shaky social standing. One screw-up and they will get shamed off to the suburbs. I can do all kinds of stupid shit and it will usually just make me cooler.

I didn't really want to be cool. At some point in the middle of the whole grunge/slacker hip scene I just said fuck it. A few years later, all these people started telling me how cool I was. They just don't stop. Everywhere I go people feel the need to tell me I'm so cool. You learn to accept it and live with it after a while. It's a sweet gig. Imagine being able to tell people that The Hives suck, Bjork is barely tolerable, and ABBA rules. And I can maintain that position indefinitely because I don't have to stay hip, I'm already cool.

There-in lies the danger. I'm cool as long as I never try to be hip. Luckily I have no clue nor any desire to be hip, so I'm safe for now.

Terrorist Profiling

I continue to see and hear a lot a hulabula about young male Muslims of Middle Eastern origins. Supposedly this group and only this group should be targeted for terrorism profiling. At least that's a lot of what seems to cross my path.

Let's be fair. The second largest terrorist attack to happen on U.S. soil was in Oklahoma City. The young man who was put to death for this crime was Irish-Catholic and former U.S. Millitary.

The guy credited with the assasination of JFK was white and former millitary.

Remember the bombing spree where some young white guy thought it would be fun to stick bombs in people's mailboxes in hopes that the resulting explosions would leave a smiley face if mapped from above?

What about the SLA?

A little Helter Skelter in the California suburbs?

Columbine?

Sorry folks. Your pleas for racially based profiling fall on deaf ears here.

The Miracle of Children

A guy at work told me, "Having kids is the best thing I've ever done in my life." What a grand accomplishment! The guy manages to get one out of a billion sperm to perform it's biological imperative on three separate occasions. He has managed to bring three more resource consumers into the world. Not having had kids, how could I possibly compare the worth of my life to his? I mean I've only done things like;

- Starred in a short film directed by an Emmy award winning videographer opposite a prime time television actress
- Washed dishes at a small country club
- Had a one act play written about me and performed
- Worked as a security guard
- Have been in three bands
- Butchered and plucked chickens
- Directed stage lighting for a pop band
- Been kicked out of bars
- Organized several music festivals
- Sold designer perfume knock-offs door-to-door
- Built a custom chopper
- Participated in a 'cat trap shoot'
- Received international attention for my assemblage sculpture work
- Repaired hay wagons
- Hosted a weekly radio program
- Dug ditches
- Designed the cover for a best-selling erotic sci-fi novel
- Shampooed hotel carpets
- Abandoned someone else's car in the middle of nowhere
- Was ordained as a minister
- Pissed on the grave of someone I didn't even know
- Received a Doctorate of Divinity
- Shoveled shit twice a day
- Was a shop steward during the largest State Workers Strike in US History
- Scrounged through my room mate's cigarette butts for the half smoked ones
- Guest Lectured at several Universities
- Fell in love

I know, I've lead a pitiful existence. Maybe if I could father a child, if instead of raising cows, pigs, sheep, horses, chickens, ducks, dogs, and cats, I raised a homo-sapien, maybe then I would know a true sense of accomplishment. Maybe if I succumb to the process by which biological forms have propagated their species for millennia, maybe then I could say I've done something worthwhile in my life.

Until then I'll have to just keep writing, drawing, sculpting, filming, playing, and doing whatever else comes along in a vain effort to feel successful.

The Reds

Why is it that Republicans, once thought to be so anti-Communist, now seem intent on making every state in the U.S. a Red State?

By Right Divine!

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Caliber X from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Jacob Arthur, was to carry Caliber X, the Gun of Power.

That is why I am your King!

At the risk of alienating a few states...

WEST COAST SECCESION NOW!

Push Some Buttons!

You can get the official campaign button by going to CafePress.com. I've kept them simple so that even people who hate me might not mind wearing one.

Quantum Realities

Just finished re-reading the Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy. It has a lot of fascinating observations on politics in general and president's more specifically. If you can handle one of the weirdest reads you'll ever do, then I challenge you to read it.

People Power!

My spouse and I went clothes shopping today. She needed some new jeans so she tried on a couple pairs of Levis. She came out of the dressing room and wasn't certain, so she handed them to me and started to peruse the wall some more. Out of curiosity, I peaked inside at the tag.

"Whoa! Check this out! This pair is made in Egypt but this pair is made in Pakistan."

She looked at me, took the jeans, and put them back on the shelf. "I can't do it."

We then left the store without making a purchase.

People, THAT is power!

Mr. Environment

Most people have accepted that we are losing trees at an alarming rate. Mountainsides are being stripped and the rainforest is being destroyed.

If elected, I promise to quit my job manufacturing saw chain that aids in the removal of trees. Since I am the number one production guy, this will slow the production of the tools of tree removal. And if they have to hire two people to replace me, I'll be creating valuable manufacturing jobs.

It's win-win!

SEX!

Concerns over the proliferation of sexual content seem to be popping up all around me. People seem to wonder if there isn't too much proliferation of sex in TV, movies, magazines, and video games (to mention a few sources). In my humble opinion, individuals and groups who want to regulate sexual content are a bunch of puritanical pukes trying to ruin my life. Ever tried flipping through broadcast television channels in search of something even remotely sexy? I might catch a glimpse of breasts on National Geographic, but that has nothing to do with 'sexy'. That is about cultural differences and merely serves to remind me that I am surrounded by puritanical pukes who wish to regulate the content available to me over public broadcast signals.

And of course people will always yell and scream about the children. We MUST protect the children. If you have a child, YOU have to raise them. Until they are legally emancipated from you, they are your responsibility. Many people will offer help and advice and your job as a parent is to take it or leave it. Here's the short and sweet of it. Don't let your dog shit in my yard. Don't let your kids peruse my porn.

And if you're concerned about media content, stop consuming media. Believe it or not, it is possible.

Checking In

I'm glad to see my bid for President on the skids so early on. If I thought for one second that I might actually win, I think I would have to bow out.

Violent Reality

"The Iraqi people are growing in optimism and hope," Bush said. "They understand that the violence is only a part of the reality in Iraq."

I'm so glad that violence is only a PART of the reality in Iraq.

Gays in the Military

I strongly support the right to keep and arm bears.

Flag Etiquette

Reportedly when Peter Fonda was riding around Los Angeles on Captain America in his Easy Rider costume, trying to break in the gear and give the bike a more 'used' look, he would get pulled over a lot. Part of it probably had something to do with a long haired guy riding around in the middle of the night on a chopper. But it was also partially due to the American flag motif. You see, it's just not proper etiquette to use the American flag in that manner. While it wasn't (and still isn't) against the law, it sure as hell pissed off 'patriotic' Americans.

Of course now the flag gets recklessly plastered on all sorts of crap. A lot of misuse comes from people's ignorance. Don't be ignorant! You can read up on etiquette at sites like this one.

The sudden proliferation of flags in and on motor vehicles is one of the most striking problems (don't even get me started on flag use in advertising). It's sad to see a battered, faded, wind shredded flag fluttering along on some person's car. Even more troubling are the stickers. Just to make it nice and sparkling clear for everyone, when a flag is displayed on something that moves such as cars, busses, little red wagons, or the sleeves of your jacket, it should be applied in such a way that it will appear to be flowing in the wind. In other words, the stars should always be forward with the bars flowing towards the rear.

Which brings me to a truly sad thing I spotted. The local motorcycle police ride Kawasakis. That in and of itself churns my stomach. Police are paid through the taxation of Americans who presumably work in America for American companies. A perfectly suitable American motorcycle manufacturer (who shall remain nameless) provides law enforcement models for purchase by police and sheriff's departments. There is no need to be buying foreign made bikes for the job no matter what the savings. (Yes, that's a personal opinion and I'm standing by it!) But far worse than that, the flag decals on the right hand sides of their motorcycles are facing the wrong way! The bars are forward.

All of this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. I'd be more likely to join in a chorus of The Pledge of Defiance than that of allegiance. I have my reasons. But damn it, if you want to show your patriotism by flying an American flag you should take the time to do it right! I own two flags, myself. The first one I received was draped across the coffin of my uncle/godfather who served in Korea in the Navy. I later received my grandfather's coffin flag. He had served in the Army during WWII. On a few occasions I have displayed either of these flags. Each time I have done so with full observance of all recommended protocols.

I have seen people burn flags in protest and later asked them if they were familiar with the proper etiquette. They always have been. I have seen the flag flown upside down and asked the individuals if they knew what it meant. They do. So to see a bunch of so called 'good American patriots' fucking around with the symbol, oblivious to their desecration, is really sickening. Your ilk are right up there with those who willingly followed the blind patriotism of Nazi Germany. That's right, just go along with the crowd and you'll be fine. Don't talk to me about patriotism and respect. Don't go shoving your flag in my face unless you want me to dip it in kerosene and stick it up your ass and light it.

Was that a bit harsh? Tough shit.

A Link Between Abortion and Crime Reduction

Check out this blog for a discussion of how the legalization of abortion in the 1970's might just be responsible for a decrease in crime from the mid-1980's through the 1990's.

This Just in: The Bush Family Knows More Than You

Fortunately, the Jeb Bush klan in Florida has backed down from their attempts at keeping a 13 year old girl from getting an abortion. Story via Reuters.

Now, can anyone in the class tell me what right the government has in determining individual health care decisions regardless of age? Now, this is just a broad interpretation of the tenth amendment to that fine old document called the US Constitution, but I feel pretty certain that it is NONE of their damn business!

And I'll go you one further. Until that kid is squeezed out and the cord snipped, it is part of someone else. If I want to cut off my hand (see "The Bible"), remove an ear (Picasso), pluck out an eye (Bible again), or have my apendix removed (common), the government has no right to intervene. Instead of calling it an abortion, call it a "fetalectomy". Or think of it as removing a cancer that will be a burden on you emotionally and physically for the rest of your life. And don't give me that "sanctity of life" crap. That's a belief system and others are not required to adhere to it. Get used to it.

And as long as I am ranting (wipes foam from around mouth), which is crueler?
A) A 13 year old getting an abortion
B) A 14 year old giving birth
C) Having to listen to me rant

Education

It's time to take a crack at espousing my position on education.

Everyone but Americans seems to know just how badly our public education system is failing. I have a solution with proven success.

When researchers enter the classroom to test out their latest educational structure theories, students in that classroom always seem to do better. The added attention and excitement of experimentation encourages students to perform well. Why don't we take advantage of this by turning every classroom into an education laboratory? Not only would students benefit from the extra attention given them by researchers, but we would create an atmosphere of exploration that just might lead to some real innovation. Such an endeavor could put our nation back at the top again!

Punk in Drublic Again

What the hell is it with blue laws? Aren't these completely outdated? Shouldn't we just throw them on the junk pile and strike a match?

In Minnesota I cold not go to the bar after 1:00 AM. Now in Oregon I can't go after 2:30 AM. It makes no sense. I am on a graveyard shift. Everything I do is on a different schedule. Shouldn't the ability to quaff alcohol on a whim represent that? And shouldn't I have the ability to walk down the street with a bottle in hand without getting worked over by cops? I know I could devise a way to prevent the pratfalls, but it doesn't make up for unjust laws. If I want to drink at 6:00 AM and a bar is willing to serve me, what right does the government have to intervene in that process?