Platform

Just a reminder that yes, I am still running for President and yes, I do have a platform.

Essentially I share a platform with the Guns and Dope Party. Here it is...


(unrelated photograph)

1. guns for those who want them, no guns forced on those who don't want them (pacfists, Quakers etc.)
2. drugs for those who want them, no drugs forced on those who don't want them (Christian Scientists etc.)
3. an end to Tsarism and a return to constitutional democracy
4. equal rights for ostriches.

Like the Guns and Dope Party I also support Lysander Spooner's voluntary tax plan. If you want to help the government build roads, then by all means send the government some money to build roads. If you want the government to provide health care, then by all means send some money to the government to provide health care. But I am not a member of the Guns and Dope Party, I am the founder of the Anarcho-American Party. As such I believe you also have the option of going out and patching some roads and practicing medicine in your spare time thus eliminating the government middle man if you so choose.

What is the Anarcho-American Party? It is something like a bachelor party in Vegas but with more sex and booze. What does it stand for? Because when it sits down the room starts to spin.

On conservative days I support the abolition of the extremely unconstitutional Federal Reserve and on wilder days I want to ban all forms of money (except sex which can be used to buy just about anything).

I am pro-Abortion but accept the fact that some people actually want their kids.

More surfing, less water boarding. And people should only have their lips sewn shut and cheeks pierced with wire if they are really into that scene.

I LOVE the USA. Most people could use a hell of a lot more of it. And it should be taught in schools, during sex education classes, which really need more lab time.

All factories to be taken from the bosses and given to the workers who will immediately give themselves unlimited sick time and start calling in sick every day until they figure out that there is nobody there to answer the call and we are out of products to buy so maybe they could build something useful when not fucking and getting high.

I support stem cell research. Especially if it uses stem cells from aborted fetuses.

I want to be the first President with an orbital presidential library inside an orbital garden called the Mt. Vernon Aero-ponics Garden. We can name this space station New Amsterdam (since New York isn't using it anymore).

Some days I support gay marriage. Other days I support group marriage. I may even be convinced to support inter-species relationships. Often I think it would be easier to abolish marriage.

I have an extremely liberal interpretation of the second amendment. I am the founder of the National Sword Association. They can have my claymore when they pry it from my cold, dead hand. I support our right to keep and bear arms of all types. I also believe in Americans' right to keep and arm bears.

That about covers it. Oh, did I mention I'm pro-Abortion?

Wobbly Coffee

When I go out to a coffee shop I like to go to the Red and Black. It is a local cooperative, the workers become co-owners after a few months probationary trial, and the shop is very anarchist/Wobbly minded.

With that said, Starbucks workers around the world have been trying very hard to unionize and continue to do so. It isn't surprising. This type of movement should be natural. When an employer is making loads of money and treating employees like a commodity, workers should organize. But it didn't pick up steam until recently when the coffee shop chain started to close stores.

Starbucks Goes Union in Minnesota

Baristas at the Mall of America Starbucks walked off the café floor today and delivered a demand letter to management calling for just treatment of all employees affected by Starbucks’ closure of stores nationwide. The surprise job action comes in the wake of the coffee giant’s announcement that it will close 600 stores, including 27 in Minnesota.

I have always encouraged people to not buy Starbucks coffee. It is an inferior product sold by a giant corporation that uses exploitative techniques to maximize profits. If Starbucks were to quit resisting unionization, if they were to instead employ only union baristas and actually endorse the IWW, I would change my stance and start to encourage people to go to Starbucks. I might even consider picking up a part time job.

While we are on the topic of how Starbucks can improve, here is another suggestion. It would also be nice if they allowed their baristas to dress like their old logo. Though I can understand having to wear an apron as a protective measure around hot coffee.

Great Depression II

How to put this politely? Have you ever been F'd in the A by a TV W? Have you ever had to sell off your assets to get F'd in the A by the W? It's something like that.

NAB will shock Wall Street

The National Australia Bank's decision to write off 90 per cent of its US conduit loans will have dramatic repercussions around the world...

NAB says that it is suffering a 55 per cent loss on American housing loans – an event that has never happened in the history of a developed country in recent memory. This is an unprecedented event and means that the cost of bailing out the US financial system is now far beyond the highest estimates. A US recession is now locked in, but more alarmingly, 55 per cent loan losses point to the possibility of a depression...

US banks have written down $450 billion in bad housing loans. The revelation from NAB means that they will now certainly need to take provisions to $1,000 billion. But write-downs of $1,300 billion and perhaps even more are on the cards.

Where will the equity come from to cover these bad loans? The world has never attempted a rescue effort of this size and it will make liquidity in the globe very tight. That’s why corporates will be hit. All Australian companies that need equity should raise it now.

I've got a quick fix. Abolish money.

Or get ready to ride the trains from state to state looking for work.

Contest!

Hey folks. This nifty image was dancing around in my head this morning. After bringing it into digital existence I kept coming up with captions to add to it. But I came up with too many. The one best phrase never manifested.



Now I'm dragging all of you into it. Here it is, the first Vote Jake Caption Contest. There will be fun and there may even be a prize. Unlike my opponents, I am making no promises. Post your captions by leaving a comment.

Punishment by Death

Iran executes 29 in jail hangings.

In unrelated news, FOX announced it will launch its latest reality TV show America's Top Con. Death row inmates living on a secluded island will have to complete a series of tasks to win the title of Top Con. Each week viewers can vote for their favorite convict. Who will be the lucky winner who gets to leave the island?

Your Best 'Choice' for President

Many of my kind try to hide it. There is no need for secrecy anymore. Aliens walk among us. Or rather, we walk among you. Go check out Exposing Reptilians for a partial list.

If you read through the list of prominent politicians who are reptilians, aliens, hybrids, or controlled by one of the former you will notice that John McCain is a hybrid and Obama isn't on the list.

I, on the other hand, am a reptilian shape-shifter. I perform dark rituals and drink human blood. I've also seen myself change into a reptile and back again. Others have seen it, too. I wish somebody would have told me that it makes me part of the Rich And Powerful Elite. No bother. Now I've found out and can take my rightful place as your alien overlord.

And to you insect people/aiens who are hiding among the humans... Get off my planet!

Lipstick on a Pig

My favorite thing about rules is the trouble people will go through in trying to avoid breaking them while essentially breaking them. They can't seem to be bothered to break them good and hard.

Firms Offer Muslims Alternatives To Mortgages

Islam forbids charging interest in the belief that it exploits people, but it allows making money off actual goods. Aqbal worked with an Islamic finance company to buy his $300,000 condo. He put in $30,000 and the finance company put in the rest, so they essentially bought it together. Instead of paying a mortgage, Aqbal will pay rent until he eventually buys the company out of its share. The company charges a fee for Aqbal's exclusive use of the house, but considers that profit, not interest. It'll end up costing practically the same as a mortgage; the methodology is what's different.

'You have essentially the same type of product,' says Hussam Qutub of Guidance Financial, an Islamic finance firm. He uses the analogy of a potato chip fried in pig fat — pork is forbidden to Muslims — and a potato chip fried in something more acceptable, like vegetable oil.

To put it another way, this whole finance business is a bunch of horse shit, because pig shit would be unacceptable to Muslims. If you live in a house with a mortgage or you rent-to-own, stop making payments and you lose your house and your ass is on the street.

You can put lipstick on a pig or garters on a goat but they still won't let you bring it as your prom date. Trust me on that one.

Attack!

A film by the U.S. War Department about the cheese eating surrender monkeys. Some of it overviews how they used to not be surrender monkeys (but presumable still ate cheese). It also seems to be the pervasive ideology of the modern Pentagon.



My personal philosophy is very different. I say Cannibalize Their Young!

The "C" Word

A student goes to communion, gets a wafer, and doesn't swallow. He is in turn called a hate criminal, a kidnapper, and receives multiple death threats for not properly participating in the mass. After all, the Catholic eucharist turns that wafer into the actual body of Jesus, who Western iconography has taught us was caucasion. The blog commenting on the story is from a professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris. It is to him I give kudos for his concise and educated use of the English language in describing the situation.

Crazy Christian fanatics right here in our own country have been threatening to kill a young man over a cracker. This is insane. These people are demented fuckwits.

Here is a professor brave enough to use a racial slur when describing the messiah of our nation's most popular religion. That takes chutzpah, which is Yiddish and has nothing to do with crackers.

Jesse in 2008?

Good old Jesse Ventura might run for Norm Coleman's Senate seat. Might. The way he has been posturing this year I would be surprised if he didn't.

Political Punch:

Ventura said of Coleman, 'the guy has not had a job in the private sector his entire adult life. He's been collecting government checks since the day he got out of law school and went to work for the attorney general's office. So when Norm Coleman tells people in the private sector he feels their pain, how? He's never been in it. At least Al Franken knows what the private sector is. I would like to send him out and get a real job in the private sector.'

If Jesse runs, he'll win. He will chew up his opponents. And he appeals to average Minnesotans the way no other candidate can. Your average Minnesotan is really no different than your average American anywhere. Average Americans like pro-wrestling. Years as a WWF commentator taught Ventura how to make certain the crowd was on his side even if they didn't agree with him. And I've heard he shits bullets.

"Oops" Doesn't Quite Cover It

From a PR standpoint, this is pretty darn bad.

US air strike wiped out Afghan wedding party

A US air strike killed 47 civilians, including 39 women and children, as they were travelling to a wedding in Afghanistan, an official inquiry found today. The bride was among the dead.

Candidate of Change Changes His Mind

Candidates' Long-Held Intelligence Views Shift : NPR

The FISA revision now before the Senate does provide that immunity, but Obama says he will support it anyway. That turnaround has dismayed many of his supporters. Some fellow Democrats, like Rep. Anna Eshoo of California, are left hoping that Obama would revisit the FISA issue as president.

I'm sure that if he became President he wouldn't bow down to the giant telecoms that have the money, media and influence to destroy him and his family.

War on Terror Update

The Economist is helping to keep us informed on our successes in the War on Terror® with this handy little inspiring graphic.

Looks to me like Iraq accounts for more hostages than the next three big ones combined. Do they give out some sort of award for that? Like when Hitler killed off more Jews than anyone else in history. The United States has managed to create a nation where hostage taking can be more than just a casual past time. Talk to your careers counselor today!

Or is this part of a strategic plan to create a central clearing house for terrorist hostage situations? Admit it, the whole problem would be much more easily and expediently dealt with if we could have all of our negotiators and hostage rescue swat teams in just one country. And tourists would know that going anywhere but there for vacation would be a pretty safe bet.

Survey the Carnage

Bush takes a look at what his Presidency has done to America.


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

The Long Term Benefits of Mushroom Use

Study finds long benefit in illegal mushroom drug. One person says:

"I feel more centered in who I am and what I'm doing," said Osborn, now 66, of Providence, R.I. "I don't seem to have those self-doubts like I used to have. I feel much more grounded (and feel that) we are all connected."

And they offer that:

Scientists reported Tuesday that when they surveyed volunteers 14 months after they took the drug, most said they were still feeling and behaving better because of the experience.

Two-thirds of them also said the drug had produced one of the five most spiritually significant experiences they'd ever had.

So what do they tell people in the face of this fantastic new information?

Experts emphasize that people should not try psilocybin on their own because it could be harmful. Even in the controlled setting of the laboratory, nearly a third of participants felt significant fear under the effects of the drug. Without proper supervision, someone could be harmed, researchers said.

Wow! I would think shrooming in a clinical lab would have caused a lot more freakouts. This is one of those drugs that should really be completely decriminalized but come with a huge warning label. Absolutely nobody should take it unless they are brave enough to risk dieing 100 times per minute for 1,000 years only to wake up the next day in love with the universe.