Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Extra-Terrestrial States the Obvious
Leave it to the Weekly World News to break a story revealing what most Americans already know.
Wisconsin May Take a Shot at Eliminating Stray Cats
I can hardly contain myself after reading this news story about how Wisconsin May Take a Shot at Eliminating Stray Cats. At first I simply wondered why the government needed to intervene in this at all. I mean every farmer knows that when a stray cat wanders on to their property, they can shoot at it. But this is the age of laws, and such a law would protect hunters from zealous cat lovers who don't fully grasp the situation.
When a friend of mine moved to Portland, one of the first things he commented was, "Have you noticed the abundance of stray cats and the absence of song birds? Think there's any connection?"
Yes, I am a cat killer. One of my favorite stories involves my dad and I clearing the farm of cats when they all got distemper. I stood outside the barn door with my shotgun. He would go inside, find a cat, grab it, and bring it to the door. I would then yell, "PULL!" In all, we shot about a dozen cats that day, father and son bonding over a grizzly but essential task. These were all pets. (It's probably inappropriate to bring up Terri Schiavo at this time.) And I learned something, too. Cats don't always land on their feet.
As a Presidential Candidate, I support Wisconsin's efforts to list stray domestic cats as an unprotected species. Pass the 12-gauge and put on the kettle.
When a friend of mine moved to Portland, one of the first things he commented was, "Have you noticed the abundance of stray cats and the absence of song birds?
Yes, I am a cat killer. One of my favorite stories involves my dad and I clearing the farm of cats when they all got distemper. I stood outside the barn door with my shotgun. He would go inside, find a cat, grab it, and bring it to the door. I would then yell, "PULL!" In all, we shot about a dozen cats that day, father and son bonding over a grizzly but essential task. These were all pets. (It's probably inappropriate to bring up Terri Schiavo at this time.) And I learned something, too. Cats don't always land on their feet.
As a Presidential Candidate, I support Wisconsin's efforts to list stray domestic cats as an unprotected species. Pass the 12-gauge and put on the kettle.
Friday, April 08, 2005
No Good Capitalist Scumbag
After sleeping on the idea of the Wyrd Revolution, I decided that I needed some way for thse who wanted to donate to my campaign to do so. I could go through and set up a non-profit political entity. It really isn't that hard to do. But if I want a leadership role in this country, I need to lead. Therefor, I will allow all of my profits from this venture to be taxed. Since I live in the state of Oregon, there is no sales tax, so that makes it easier on all of you.
Why would I allow myself to be taxed? Have you seen the National Debt recently? We're talking nearly $8 Trillion now. It's not my fault. But if I'm going to come into office with the task of getting such a debt under control, well, I'd like the support of the American people in doing so. To the wyrd masses out there, that means taxes. I hate being saddled with someone else's debt. As for the extremely wealthy top 10% in this country who feel like too large of a burden is being placed on them, don't think for a minute I won't be coming after you when elected!
Towards the end of generating some revenue which in turn I will pay taxes on to fulfill my patriotic duty of paying off someone else's debt, I have added two links to the right. Notice the lovely Amazon search bar and PayPal Donation button. Using either of these will help me achieve my goal of being the first Presidential Candidate to enter the Gumball 3000 to help raise awareness for my campaign.
I will also periodically plug items in this space that if you purchase, will help generate funds for my campaign. For instance, Americans hate spending the time to read, so instead, watch the work of author Robert Anton Wilson in this great DVD.
I credit Wilson as one of the most influential voices behind the concept of the Wyrd Revolution. This DVD is a great introduction to the author and the ideas that permeate his literature.
I also have to credit the Butthole Surfers and their album Weird Revolution.
Why would I allow myself to be taxed? Have you seen the National Debt recently? We're talking nearly $8 Trillion now. It's not my fault. But if I'm going to come into office with the task of getting such a debt under control, well, I'd like the support of the American people in doing so. To the wyrd masses out there, that means taxes. I hate being saddled with someone else's debt. As for the extremely wealthy top 10% in this country who feel like too large of a burden is being placed on them, don't think for a minute I won't be coming after you when elected!
Towards the end of generating some revenue which in turn I will pay taxes on to fulfill my patriotic duty of paying off someone else's debt, I have added two links to the right. Notice the lovely Amazon search bar and PayPal Donation button. Using either of these will help me achieve my goal of being the first Presidential Candidate to enter the Gumball 3000 to help raise awareness for my campaign.
I will also periodically plug items in this space that if you purchase, will help generate funds for my campaign. For instance, Americans hate spending the time to read, so instead, watch the work of author Robert Anton Wilson in this great DVD.
I credit Wilson as one of the most influential voices behind the concept of the Wyrd Revolution. This DVD is a great introduction to the author and the ideas that permeate his literature.
I also have to credit the Butthole Surfers and their album Weird Revolution.
Wyrd Revolution
Early morning ramblings when I should be in bed getting ready for one more night shift before the weekend.
Woke up having to pee really bad. It happens. But then I couldn't get back to sleep. A thought was buzzing through me and it wanted release. So here I am, blasting a message from the haze of sleeplessness.
This is the Wyrd Revolution. This is for every abnormal person out there. Think about that, and then try to find the normal person. Look around you and try to find one normal individual. Have you ever met a single person who you would classify as 100% normal? Does such a thing even exist?
It's the Wyrd Revolution. Another reason for the Wyrd Revolution, is the letter W. The poor thing has gotten a lot of negative press. It's a pretty cool letter and I hate to see it go down in the history books as evil. W is for Wyrd, and this is the Wyrd Revolution. Take back the W!
And I have my first clear campaign goal set, now. I'm going to start raising funds so I can be the first Presidential Candidate to drive the Gumball 3000! Details on my fund raising efforts will be forth coming. Right now, I need sleep!
Woke up having to pee really bad. It happens. But then I couldn't get back to sleep. A thought was buzzing through me and it wanted release. So here I am, blasting a message from the haze of sleeplessness.
This is the Wyrd Revolution. This is for every abnormal person out there. Think about that, and then try to find the normal person. Look around you and try to find one normal individual. Have you ever met a single person who you would classify as 100% normal? Does such a thing even exist?
It's the Wyrd Revolution. Another reason for the Wyrd Revolution, is the letter W. The poor thing has gotten a lot of negative press. It's a pretty cool letter and I hate to see it go down in the history books as evil. W is for Wyrd, and this is the Wyrd Revolution. Take back the W!
And I have my first clear campaign goal set, now. I'm going to start raising funds so I can be the first Presidential Candidate to drive the Gumball 3000! Details on my fund raising efforts will be forth coming. Right now, I need sleep!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
The Importance of My Candidacy
Why should people vote for me? I don't really want the job. That's the point. No person in their right mind would want the job. What sane individual says, "I want to command the world's largest military and have my finger on the button of the world's largest nuclear arsenal"? Does that sound like anything a sane individual would want?
And I think people understand this intuitively. On rough estimates, only about half of eligible voters actually vote. Imagine if EVERYONE actually voted and cast their vote the same way as they don't cast their vote now, or voted for themselves, or their best friend, or their favorite fictional character. Instead of our current President winning with 51% of the vote, he would have only received 26% of the vote. Then when he came out and said he received a mandate, people could look at the numbers and see that anyone who considers a quarter of voters as a mandate is delusional, a liar, or both.
That is the true purpose behind the Jake in 2008 campaign. Expose the fraud!
And I think people understand this intuitively. On rough estimates, only about half of eligible voters actually vote. Imagine if EVERYONE actually voted and cast their vote the same way as they don't cast their vote now, or voted for themselves, or their best friend, or their favorite fictional character. Instead of our current President winning with 51% of the vote, he would have only received 26% of the vote. Then when he came out and said he received a mandate, people could look at the numbers and see that anyone who considers a quarter of voters as a mandate is delusional, a liar, or both.
That is the true purpose behind the Jake in 2008 campaign. Expose the fraud!
Friday, April 01, 2005
CGI Support
Jake booster Mr. Purple has helped me to hone in on the all important mutant/alien market. Check it out.
VOTE JAKE in 2008 !
VOTE JAKE in 2008 !
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Call for Volunteers
If you would like to help out with my campaign, click the mail link on the right hand side to send me a private message.
If you would like to contribute money to the campaign, contact me for a mailing address and send money as small, non-sequential, unmarked bills in US currency.
If you wish I would just go away, let me say now that the feeling is reciprocal.
If you would like to contribute money to the campaign, contact me for a mailing address and send money as small, non-sequential, unmarked bills in US currency.
If you wish I would just go away, let me say now that the feeling is reciprocal.
Upcoming Appearances
I will be appearing at work every day I am scheduled to work.
That's more than I can say for the current administration.
That's more than I can say for the current administration.
Hat Toss
It's only three and a half years from the next United States Presidential Election. That means its time to start planning for what to do in the event that George W. Bush doesn't declare himself dictator.
That's why I'm here. I'm Jake, and I want to be your next President.
That's why I'm here. I'm Jake, and I want to be your next President.
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