Art

Who planted the art meme that hit yesterday? I no longer walk in those circles. When it hits, it comes as a bit of a shock. Like an invasion of my own private world. Typically the conversations around me let me know what the TV and newspaper have talked about. So why the art meme? Don't tell me that the news has started to pay attention to art again. What did some artist piss all over this time?

Privilege

It must really suck to live a life of privilege. Imagine being totally incompetent at the job your second in command mom got for you, her buying you the biggest tool chest in the shop, and then offering to pay for a bunch of really expensive tools that the other guys have to scrimp and save for. The rest of the guys in the shop just can't understand your terrible situation. You don't know how to buy your own tools because nobody ever showed you how. You're just trying to get by the only way you know, by having everything handed to you.

Which leads to an AWPC!

M: If my mom were paying for my tools I'd have my own optical comparator.

Jake: If my mom were paying for my tools I'd get a plastic ruler.

Actually, my mom has given me a plastic ruler she picked up for free at a trade show. My dad gave me a steel machinist's rule that he got for free from a vendor. It's tough to be so privileged.

Surf Advice

Here is the absolute best surf advice I've found to date.

Always go surfing with a buddy. It cuts your risk of being eaten by a shark in half.

Stupid MySpace Games

This came across in MySpace today and I thought I'd share my responses.

Type the first word that comes to mind when you read these 40 words. Don't think and don’t go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it! Repost it for all of your friends.

1. Cigarettes: surfing

2. Elevators: surfing

3. Relationships: surfing

4. Your Last Ex: surfing

5. Michigan Football: surfing

6. Crack: surfing

7. Food: surfing

8. The President: evil

9. War: surfing

10. Cars: surfing

11. Gas Prices: surfing

12. Halloween: surfing

13. Bon Jovi: surfing

14. Religion: surfing

15. MySpace: surfing

16. Fear: surfing

17. Marriage: surfing

18. Beyonce: surfing

19. Blondes: surfing

20. Brunettes: surfing

21. Politics: surfing

22. Pass the time: surfing

23. Summer: surfing

24. Cell phones: surfing

27. Vanilla Ice Cream: surfing

28. Porta-Potties: surfing

29. High School: surfing

30. Pajamas: surfing

31.Wet socks: surfing

32. Marijuana: surfing

33. Alcohol: surfing

34. The word "shake": surfing

35. My best friend(s): surfing

36. Money: surfing

37. Heartache: surfing

38. Love: surfing

39. Time: surfing

40. Divorce: surfing

Little Bliss

I love the smell of Sex Wax.

Dynamite Surfing

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to Jewbacca for sending this my way. It made me say, "Woah, sick." I don't use that phrase much.

So Close

The wetsuit I ordered has arrived in California from the factory. With any luck I will find it in my possession in time to go surfing next weekend.

STOKED!

My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult

A Daisy Chain 4 Satan

AWPC

Sitting at the lunch table with the guys from the tool and die shop

T: You okay?
P: Yeah. I'm just tired. Couldn't get any sleep last night.
T: Your wild wife keep you up?
P: Nope. She was sleeping.
T: Girlfriend?
P: (chuckle) No.
Jake: Boyfriend?

Two people had to put hands over their mouths to prevent the laughter fueled expulsion of their their lunch.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

New Terminology

A surfer can stand on a board one of two ways. If a surfer plants the right foot at the tail and leads with the left, they call it natural footed. If the right foot leads with the left at the tail, they call it goofy footed. Most surfers have a tendency to prefer one stance over the other just as most individuals will favor one hand when writing or doing something requiring manual dexterity.

Waves will usually break to either the left or the right based on local features. For instance Hawaii's Pipeline breaks to the left giving natural footers an advantage. Another famous Hawaiian surf spot, the monster waves of Jaws, breaks to the right. Goofy footed surfers have the advantage on such a break. A few surfers will switch stance depending on the break, but most stick with their favored footing. A top notch surfer knows how to catch right and left breaking waves equally well regardless of footing. A goofy footed gromit (inexperienced surfer, like me) would get chewed up, spit out, and probably killed at Jaws same as the natural footed grom would at Pipeline. It doesn't matter where you stand, but how you surf.

So from now on we should call Republicans goofys (right foot forward) and the Democrats naturals (left forward). Who cares, they're all a bunch of groms.

Maybe It's Warming

The topic seems to be hot around me, no pun intended. Sorry. No I will not go back and rephrase it! Anyway, I am referring to global warming. Must be all over the news or something since everybody is deciding to talk about all of a sudden.

MAYBE global warming is occurring. MAYBE current human activities are contributing to this phenomenon.

MAYBE there really is a Santa Clause.

If we choose to say there is no Santa Clause and we're wrong, we're out some gifts once a year. If we choose to say there is no such thing as global warming and we're wrong, we'll have really screwed ourselves.

Don't forget your rubbers.

Metaphor

Surfing as metaphor for something, and I like. From Ze Frank.

Bob

This is the longest Bob has ever been dead.

Ignorance Is Bliss

The past few days I've managed to ignore the news. This hasn't been like the times when I have made an effort to tune it out. Instead my head, when given the opportunity to view a few news article, has replied, "No. We don't need that shit." Of course the news of the Superbowl still filtered through. Given the environment in which I work it was inevitable. Impressive was that my ignorance of the outcome lasted nearly fifteen minutes in that place.

What have I to show for tuning out my online news fix? The dishes were washed, the floors swept, my face shaved, and my board waxed. Blissful ignorance has its rewards.

But for those who are total news junkies, here is a piece of exciting election news. My campaign is kicking off swell. Today when a fellow maintenance guy learned that I was a write-in candidate, he joked about me making shirts.

Jake: I've already got shirts.
M:No way.
Jake: Yeah. You can buy them online.
M: You're kidding me.
Jake: Nope. I'll show you.

So we go over to the computer and I show him my shirts at CafePress.com. He wrote down the address and promised he was going to go home and order up a button for his motorcycle jacket and a shirt. I don't even have one of the shirts. Perhaps the time has come for that to change.

Vote Jake or Don't!

The Board

The weather got nice. I clear coated the paint job on my board. Got a new leash. Now for the wax!

I Don't Understand It

I went to the pub with a couple of 'popular' girls last night. They were 21-22ish and admitted to being part of the popular crowd in high school. One even poked fun at me saying, "You hate girls like us, don't you?" I had to admit that it was true. Even my wife made fun of me this morning for hanging out with 'normal' girls.

Why was I hanging out with a couple of pretty young girls on a Friday night? What the hell are a couple of girls like that doing hanging out with a dirty old punk like me?

I had a real fun night.

I don't understand it.

Drug Education

Hey parents. Want to talk to your kids about drugs but you just don't know how? Here is your chance. Until Valentine's Day you can get a free download of the children's book about marijuana, It's Just a Plant.

801

That is a much better number.

I sometimes pause and wonder what exactly it is I am doing with my life. I don't know, but it fuckin' rocks.

Slack on.

post no. 800

800 is not a particularly great number. I'd much rather stare at 888 or 867. Yeah baby! But this is post number 800.

As a nation we seem to prefer certain numbers. Fifth year anniversaries seem more important than sixth year ones. Then come the zeros. Anything with a zero at the end of it is more important than something with a five at the end. There are two notable exceptions in 25 and 75. Yet nobody gives a rat's ass about 33 1/3 or 66 2/3. But if you throw two zeros at the end, everybody goes nuts and throws a huge party. Few of us can ever forget the fear and anticipation caused by the dread triple aught just seven short years ago.

Today I received an e-mail announcing the planning of my 15 year high school reunion. The five means it is only kind of special. Instead of going to my five year reunion, I went and got married. That means my 15 year reunion is completely overshadowed by a 10 year anniversary. Zeros trump most fives. And as I told them in my reply e-mail, the surf in Minnesota in the summer sucks. I'll stick with my California plans.

Why do we so obsess over fives and tens? We have seven days in our current week, why not kick out the jams using base seven? Why stick to a solar cycle? A Jupiterean cycle is about 12 years, why not just wait until Jupiter is back where he started? Need more excuses to celebrate? Count Lunar cycles. Sick of partying? Wait for Eris to complete a full orbit around the Sun.

If fives and tens are so great, why does most beer come in six packs and Guinness pub draught cans come in a four or eight pack? Why does seven always seem like the perfect number of bananas in a bunch? Try to find someone who can tell you about James Monroe or John Tyler then ask around about the 32nd president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was also elected in 1932. I like the number 32. Very beautiful compared to 800.

Makes Sense

A while back I told you about a surfing drysuit and how it would flop. Here is the competition. Ripcurl has developed the H-Bomb, a heated wetsuit.

"The theory is to apply direct heat to the body to keep the blood warm, rather than wait for nature to take its course," explains BrianBosson, Wetsuit Product Manager for Rip Curl USA.

Sound absurd? The geeks over at Popular Science Magazine didn't think so and they're featuring this revolutionary technology in an upcoming issue. Not bad for a bunch of surfers.

I've met a few Oregonian surfers who would go for this in winter time. The current practice is to throw a rash guard on under your wetsuit. I'm hot blooded enough that I can surf for hours in 50 degree water without any gloves on. Still, the heated wetsuit is a good idea.

It's all about being able to urinate while surfing.