Political Sex

With the recent hubbub in the news about political sex scandals, I think the time has come for me to touch upon this issue. I don't mean to tap my foot several times and touch the shoe of the guy in the stall next to me. Bathroom sex is for dirty perverts and extreme closet cases, of which I am only one. And the one that I am does not require secret codes... unless we're playing "Spy vs. Spy".

When it comes to sex it is high time that all people finally openly admit that they engage in sex acts because it is pleasurable. As such, the idea that there is a right or wrong situation in which people should engage in sexual contact is a laughably antiquated notion. Beliefs of strict sexual propriety should be reserved for "Head Master and the Naughty School Girl" night.

This does not mean that everyone should rush out and have gay sex while wrapped in latex. I am just suggesting that having a taboo or even laws against a pleasurable activity engaged in by one or more consenting adults and the items required to fulfill these fantasies is ridiculous. At home with a blow-up doll or in the middle of Yosemite with a few dozen of your closest friends, sexual restriction is one of the stupidest things man ever invented. Rather than trying to ban types of sex you find abhorrent, try this instead: DON'T DO THOSE THINGS!

For instance, I get positively nauseated by the very idea of necrophilia. To me it seems disgusting, unsanitary, and unsafe. But if we consider it in clear and rational terms, there is nothing technically wrong with it. A corpse is no longer a legal entity in the eyes of the law, so you can't claim rape. Nobody can claim ownership of the corpse, so there is no desecration of private property. So while the idea seems sick and disgusting to me, that is a personal judgment, not a basis for law. If you want to keep some pervert from humping your dearly departed mother, keep her someplace where you can at least charge the violator with breaking and entering or grave robbing.

Same goes for sex with dead animals. I can't understand people would want to stick bratwursts in their vaginas or anus when there are lovely plastic and glass dildos readily available for masturbatory satisfaction, many with vibratory functions no hot dog has. It just isn't our place to pass laws prohibiting "Wicked Wiener Wednesdays" or naked Jello wrestling.