About Franken Time!

Congratulations to Senator Elect Al Franken.

BBC NEWS | Court declares Franken 'victory'

Minnesota's Supreme Court has declared Democrat Al Franken the winner of the state's disputed 2008 US Senate race...

The Supreme Court ruling means that Mr Franken should soon become the Democrats' 60th vote in the US Senate.

I'm just glad Norm Coleman has finally lost the seat he stole from a dead man (Paul Wellstone).

More Onion Truth

U.S. Finishes A 'Strong Second' In Iraq War | The Onion

BAGHDAD—After 19 months of struggle in Iraq, U.S. military officials conceded a loss to Iraqi insurgents Monday, but said America can be proud of finishing 'a very strong second.'

"We went out there, gave it our all, and fought a really good fight," said Gen. George W. Casey, the top U.S. commander in Iraq. "America's got nothing to be ashamed of. We outperformed Great Britain, Poland, and a lot of the other top-notch nations, but Iraq just wouldn't stay down for the count. It may have come down to them simply wanting it more."

Bright Green Light

While I love my guns, I still consider this a lovely thing.

Northern Ireland | Loyalist weapons put 'beyond use'

Two Northern Ireland loyalist paramilitary groups have said they have completed decommissioning.

The UVF and Red Hand Commando said their weapons and explosives were 'totally and irreversibly beyond use'.

Another loyalist group, the Ulster Defence Association, confirmed it had started to decommission its arsenal.

NI Secretary Shaun Woodward said it was 'an historic day for Northern Ireland'. Between them, the UDA and UVF killed almost 1,000 people in the Troubles.

Four years ago, the IRA put its weapons beyond use in decommissioning witnessed by two churchmen.

It's good to see the Irish restricting their violence to drunken pub brawls over the football match. That's universal*.



* Except in the United States where football is not football and therefor people fighting over football are not really fighting about football and cannot technically be counted as a pub brawl over the football match. And they watch in bars, not pubs. Wankers.

An Affair so Right

US governor admits 'wrong' affair.

The Republican governor of the US state of South Carolina has admitted to an extra-marital affair.

Yawn.

He could have saved a lot of trouble by announcing it preemptively.


Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair

Putting Iran in Perspective

In the recent election in Iran there were some who were really upset with the result. Those people took to the streets to protest and have sited irregularities as proof of a rigged election.

Sounds like just another modern democratic election to me. Same thing happened here in the United States in 2000 and 2004. People took to the streets to protest. They took legal actions. They investigated and found irregularities far more rampant than those currently in Iran.

There is a difference. In Iran the protests have been forcibly restrained by police. The United States was at least more civil about it. I would guess it has something to do with the US population having more to lose if they die. As screwed up as things may seem, citizens of this great nation have still got it pretty sweet compared to the vast majority of this planet. That makes people very reluctant to erupt into the kind of violence that can lead to revolutions.

Polls by independent sources leading up to the Iran election showed the incumbent with nearly a 2 to 1 lead over the challenger whose supporters have taken to the streets in protest. Like it or not, Analbeadingjob* seems to have majority support.

In 2000 and 2004 the US polls showed much closer races and greater irregularities. It seems hard for someone like myself to believe the former and unfathomable that people would accept the latter. That has passed like so much history written in the blood of duped Americans.

In Iran, the theocratic nature of politics operates openly. In the highly civilized United States, we can feign religious tolerance while secretly acting as a Christian nation. Members of Bush's cabinet certainly saw our efforts in the Middle East as a holy war. Atheists can not get elected President here. Many who voted for Bush, and plenty of people actually did vote for him, saw him as a deeply religious individual of Christian morals. We hide our theocracy in plain sight.

As for the news stories, consider that they might just be propaganda. Maybe. Possibly. For instance, the CIA is strictly prohibited from interfering in domestic affairs. Not their jurisdiction. They have, however, deliberately placed false news stories in foreign newspapers to sway international opinion. There have been incidents where Congressmen and Senators have then quoted from these planted articles, presumably not knowing that they were planted, to rally support domestically.

Iranians get repressed like goats in a feed lot. Americans get repressed like emo kids in suburbia. Those repressing are doing God's will. Those telling us about the repression are viewing it through the eyes of their favorite oppressor.

I'm just glad to live in a country where I and others like me are free to express ourselves because our highly civilized government has accepted that it is easier to beat people down with a propaganda campaign than with the butt of a rifle. Praise be to Allah God bless America!

* Muslims are going to call for my assassination now, aren't they?

One for the Little Guy

I've been meaning to get a little more positive around here. So here's something.

Peru Indians hail 'historic' day

Indigenous groups in Peru have called off protests after two land laws which led to deadly fighting were revoked.

Hailing victory, Amazonian Indian groups said it was an 'historic day'.

At least 34 people died during weeks of strikes against the legislation which allowed foreign companies to exploit resources in the Amazon forest.

Peru had passed the land laws in order to implement a free trade agreement with the US. Indigenous peoples had this strange notion that the lands were better suited to support the people living in those areas.

The natives weren't the only ones pissed about this. Peru's neighbors Bolivia and Venezuela also condemned the decision. Peru reconsidered and revoked the laws by an 82-12 vote.

Only a few dozen people had to die in the meantime.

Lament of the Low Born

It sucks to not be born into privilege. We all know it. We may try to cover it over with little anecdotes about appreciating the simple pleasures and romantic notions of an honest day's work blah blah blah. For all those people who like to cry about the invocation of class warfare, the rich are just damn lucky that the poor in these United States still have enough to make class warfare an ideological campaign instead of a bloody one.

This week I had to purchase new work pants. When I first started buying them, I knew they were union made in the US. Then some were union made in the US so I had to look at the label. Then I could either get made in the US from foreign materials or assembled in Mexico from US materials. This time I just needed some damn pants and didn't even look at the label.

It would seem to me that if the country was really serious about building genuine economic stability and growth a wise course of action would be to boost consumption of American made goods. So why haven't we heard any encouragement towards this end? Why hasn't President Obama called for a vigorous campaign calling for people to buy domestic?

Well, he made a tiny squeak about it and was immediately shot down by big business and the European Union. It is easy to understand why the European Union would not want protectionist measures levied against their goods, but why domestic companies?

Possibly because those who spend the most financing campaigns have no desire to boost the economic stability of the working class. That's right, I smell a conspiracy afoot. A strong working class will make demands of their employers. They want benefits and an equal stake in the success of the company. No manufacturer can bring a product to market without a labor force. They know it and wish like hell it wasn't the case. Right now while companies are acting frightened, they are enjoying an unprecedented level of employee loyalty based in fear. People are less likely to farm around for a different job because the market for their 'unskilled labor' sucks. They won't make demands because their employers are systematically laying off or firing anyone they can. Unionization is right out, and corporations love that.

Fear is effective in the short term. The last administration got away with torture and murder and a whole list of lesser crimes because people were scared to death of terrorists. Prolonged fear will drive people ape-shit-bonkers and you end up with Timothy McVeigh, the Una-Bomber, and disgruntled employees going postal. Fear can only control a population until they realize that the bogey man in the closet was a fiction created by folks with an agenda. Rather than opting for a safer plan of working cooperatively with workers, companies just try to keep the fear at a 'safe level'.

I dare say that the bogey man in the closet this time around, the world financial crisis, was so convincing that the forces behind it have even scared themselves. Imagine directing a slasher movie. You shot it. You edited it. You know the film. Yet at the opening you still jump when the killer lashes out from the shadows. It happens.

Companies knew that growth based on credit was risky. Banks knew it, too. A lot of people figured they were good enough that if their current venture went down the tubes, they'd just hop on the next one. But it snowballed. The bogey man of economic uncertainty had gotten loose, snuck up behind them, and started chasing them through the moon shadowed mists of a dieing forest they helped to destroy. As they run away they hand you, the worker, the task of killing the bogey man. They raped you and violated you and beat you down until your life was a meaningless existence of booze poured down in quantities large enough to forget how much it all sucks. In a slasher film those who created the monster would be among the first to go and you would rise to the occasion and become the hero. This isn't a movie. They will get away and you will be fucked.

What can you do about it? Nothing. Shut up and get back to work, slave.

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

In God's Name

Remember being told over and over again that the Iraq War was not a war against Islam? If Donald Rumsfeld's White House briefings on the war are any indication, that was all a lie.

Onward, Christian Soldiers! - GQ

Go watch the slide show. I laughed. I cried. I fought off involuntary loss of bladder control and held back a spontaneous bowel movement.

I am guessing the US Armed forces are waiting for Jesus to come down and smite the unbelievers before they can withdraw from the region. God will get right on that.

How Many Deaths Will it Take 'til We Know

Once again, The Onion gets it spot on.

Abortion Doctor's Murder Sparks Waves Of Calm, Rational Discussion

The cold-blooded murder of late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, 67, who was gunned down last week by a pro-life activist during services at a local church, has ignited a firestorm of thoughtful, quiet debate about the practice of abortion. 'When I saw how [Dr. Tiller] was shot in the head at point-blank range, I couldn't help but think, 'Maybe the other side has some logical points worth listening to,'' pro-choice activist Melinda Brody said. 'I have a feeling this senseless act of violence will help resolve the divisive reproductive-rights issue once and for all.' Brody also said she's encouraging doctors across the country to double the number of late-term abortions they perform in hopes of provoking even more open and rational dialogue.

Obama Hypocrisy

You can't get much more arrogantly hypocritical than this.

Hillary Clinton demands China investigate and disclose its past abuses

A China that has made enormous progress economically, and that is emerging to take its rightful place in global leadership, should examine openly the darker events of its past and provide a public accounting of those killed, detained or missing, both to learn and to heal.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says this while the Obama domestic policy is to sweep our own abuses under the rug.

Christian Terrorists

In today's podcast I satirically make the case for waterboarding the man currently held in custody for the slaying of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller.

Man quizzed over US doctor death

Quizzed. I like that. Very friendly.

Further investigation of this story revealed that the suspect being held is one Scott P. Roeder.

George Tiller suspect may be charged Monday

I did a search of the suspect's name and the very first thing that pops up...

Waterboard Scott P. Roeder

I don't actually think this guy should be waterboarded. I do agree that something more than another candlelight vigil needs to happen.