AWPC: Abortion

I'm still committed to my pro-abortion stance. So we were talking about a co-worker...

Him: Personally I think any father who isn't involved with his kids is a bad father.

Jake: Yeah but in (his) case it is probably a good thing. I'd say, "Sorry kid. Your dad is an idiot and a dead beat and your mom was dumb enough to fuck him. You should have been aborted. Just be thankful that your dad isn't in your life to fuck you up even more."

Him: (laughing) You should have been aborted. You're probably right.

Jake: Hey. I make no bones about my pro-abortion stance.

Bugged?

Is this punishment for titling a podcast "Vote for McCain"? I've added two episodes since then and neither one is feeding. Goddamned Republican conspiracies.

I Approve This Message

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Voter Abstinence

It's supposed to be funny.



"Remember, when you vote for a candidate, you are actually voting for every stance they've ever held."

Michael Savage is a Rapist

From NoSavage.org

Shock jock Michael Savage is a bully. He derides, demeans, and distorts those who don't agree with his hate-filled, right-wing agenda, and when that fails, he files lawsuits. Now, Savage has tried to silence Brave New Films -- this bully has pushed us too far.

Here's what happened: Last Thursday night, YouTube removed over 300 of our videos from their site and disabled our account, including our highly popular Real McCain and FOX Attacks series. They didn't restore the account until Friday afternoon. We were furious to discover that our entire account was disabled over one unjust copyright complaint from Michael Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc., regarding a video we made eight months ago titled "Michael Savage Hates Muslims" -- a video that fell well within the terms of fair use of the material.

Here's what we're doing: On Friday, Brave New Films filed a lawsuit against Savage for his effort to suppress and silence us. Thanks to help from the Stanford Law School's Fair Use Project, we will take the fight right back to Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc.

Here's how free speech works; people can say whatever the hell they want and if you don't agree, then don't listen to it.

Michael Savage date rapes the First Amendment. He takes full liberties with it and then beats it up and locks it in the basement when it does something he doesn't approve of. That's right...

Michael Savage is a Rapist!

Comic Truth

Sinfest has been really hitting it dead on lately. I'll have to find some cabinet post for Tatsuya Ishida.

The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received

Norm Coleman's lackey, Cullen Sheehan, needs to take some acting lessons. Learn how to adlib. You can say the same thing over and over as many times as you like as long as every time you say it sounds a little different. But in this press conference he says the same phrase, "The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received," nine times!



For the record, I post this mostly because I hate Norm Coleman. It is my goal to become a minion of Satan just so that I can be put in charge of Coleman's torture in hell. Actually I want some oversight on the torture of politicians in general, as many Republicans as possible, and specifically Norm Coleman and Ronald Reagan. Bush has no soul.

AWPC

While having lunch at work with a table of middle-age coworkers I received another glowing endorsement.

Woman: I bet Jake could bring down this government at least as fast as these other two clowns.

USA Still #1!

Yesterday in an unusual Columbus Day event, citizens celebrated the fact that despite all of our economic troubles, wire tapping, warrant-less surveillance, an Army unit stationed domestically, elections decided by courts instead of the people, and a national debt currently estimated at $10 trillion (just to name a few things actually known about), we are still the freest nation inside the United States of America.

And no one can ever take that away from us.

Mavericks!

A certain pair of Presidential hopefuls keeps trying to brand themselves as mavericks. I believe I have discovered what they really mean when they say that and yes, it is an apt metaphor.

What kind of Mavericks are they?

May Your Fears Consume You

The United States feared Communism and now is becoming everything we hated and feared about the old Soviet Union.

The United States feared Islamic extremists and now is embodying everything we hated and feared about the Taleban.

The United States feared all these Mexican immigrants illegally crossing the border and now is developing into the kind of nation Mexico used to be... only without enough hot latino food or hot latina babes.

Has anyone considered being deathly afraid of affluence?

GD2

My grandpa always told me the best stories about the depression. He was full of them, too. We'd be sitting around the kitchen table playing dominoes and I'd hear the same ones several times but then he'd throw a new one my way. I'm sure he had more in him that went with him from this world.

There were stories of having to forgo sleeping in an abandoned warehouse for fear that the giant, hungry rats would decide to have a go at the living. Sympathetic rail yard workers who would tell them which trains to catch and which ones to avoid. Pissing in half a tin of chewing tobacco just so everyone would stop asking for a pinch. Amazing stories of survival and a few of tragic death.

I don't fear another Great Depression. Remember the glory years of the Clinton administration and how everyone felt like they were getting rich? My grandpa said those years were even worse than the Great Depression. I can only imagine what he'd think of our current situation.

Maybe I don't fear because I don't have that far to fall. Sure, I've got plenty to lose. I just don't have nearly as much to lose as most Americans. Kick me out on the street and I've got a tent. Take my tent and I've got a tarp. I can wash dishes, walk beans, detassle corn, build stuff from wood and metal, brew beer, grow vegetables, kill small animals, and take a punch. I've got everything I need to survive another Great Depression.

And never forget my great uncle's secret to long life and happiness. He was also a survivor of the Great Depression who lost a fortune by virtue of having it in a bank. He lived to be a smiling 105 so I think the man knew a little something about long life and happiness. His secret for good times and bad?

Whiskey all night and polka 'til dawn!

Economic Resilience

Can't get this damn 'Bail-Out' business out of my head. I am laughing so hard right now. They say the economy is tanking. It isn't. An economy is tanking. The money backed by the full faith of our government and the Federal Reserve and bearing the words 'In God We Trust' is going down like a turd in a high flow toilet.

And good riddance to it.

You want answers? I don't want to give you any. But here is an option.

What is the one market that has remained steady? It has grown as the population has grown and every attempt to tamper with it has resulted in market shifts, but no noticeable declines.

I am talking about the drug trade. Pot, coke, shrooms, heroin, these things have all managed to maintain a stable rate of trade no matter how liberal the state drug laws or how draconian the federal war on drugs has been. Drugs are stable money.

You want to save the economy? Let's back up our currency with marijuana. You want to grow the economy? Grow Hemp!

That's my advice. So go put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Bail-out!

I love it. I'm not sure how in the hell the economy tanked so goddamned fast and nobody saw it coming from a mile away. Or even if it really has tanked. But people keep telling me it has. I'm pretty sure it started shortly before Bush stole office and as best I can tell it just steam rolled all the way through eight years of shit.

But I love it. Headlines sporting the phrase 'bail-out'. Beautiful. No sugar coating. Just plain ugly English. Look at that phrase. Bail-out. It's so beautifully negative.

Even as I type this and marvel at all the headlines containing the fantastic phrase 'bail-out' I see those headlines reappearing under the sickly phrase 'market rescue'.

Aw, even the media is getting in on the bail-out. How sweet.

Pandering

Government bailing out private institutions is wrong. This is the second time in my lifetime that Republicans have had to bail out banks. Not that they had to. Not really.

To someone with any kind of savings, having a bank fail is a really horrible thing. My great uncle lost a lot of money this way during the Great Depression. That is why government bails out these institutions. They are trying to prevent the panic from spreading. And they are covering their own asses.

A great number of Americans live paycheck to paycheck and don't give a rat's ass if the banks go belly up 'cuz they can always cash their check at the liquor store. It's an ignorant view, but God bless 'em their heart is in the right place.

I stick by my original platform statement on the subject, stated long before this debacle was making headlines. Firstly, switch to a voluntary taxation model so nobody has to pay for anything they don't want to. If people are in favor of the government bailout, by all means send them money to support it. Secondly, shut down the Fed! This would immediately screw all banks. Trickle down economics finally working.

Free Mullet Boy!

If you think I'd support this, you're wrong.

Free Levi!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.

Bill Maher is a very funny man. Sure, he can sound a bit know-it-all condescending on his show. It is his show. His humor is often rooted in common sense and pokes fun at those who seem to not just defy logic, but those who run in the opposite direction screaming.

So when he encourages young Levi Johnston to abscond, where does he go wrong?

It's not that Levi fucked the daughter of a Republican governor. I'm all for that. It's the kind of thing I would do out of spite and enjoy. But what about birth control? You gotta remember to wrap up your hockey stick before the game.

You see, Levi is an idiot. He had unprotected sex with the daughter of a prominent pro-lifer. Bad idea. He is also a self-professed redneck boozer stoner hockey jock who until recently sported a mullet. If we let this guy roam the streets freely he'll have idiot spawn crowding classrooms up and down the west coast. Best to lock him up in a shotgun marriage under public scrutiny.

Besides, the likelihood that this relationship will last is practically zero. They might have a gun to his head for a maximum of eight years (and a few months). During that time he can use his new found 'friends' to get him into any college he wants, muscle into corporate power positions, and go on drunken coke binges. When this nightmare is over, he can bolt and sell story rights to FOX. If you look at the big picture, there are lots of opportunities to be had by sticking with the carrier of the abdominal parasite he helped to create. You'd think Bill Maher would recognize this terrific opportunity.

In the end Levi is just a mullet headed redneck hockey jock. He'll go along with whatever coach tells him to do.

Credit Where Due

I'll give credit where due. I still support the Lysander Spooner voluntary tax approach which will offer the largest possible tax cut of any Presidential candidate. Of the two 'majors' Obama has a much more appealing tax plan.

Tax Plans (that’s one for you, nineteen for me)

There’s a graph that Obama supporters are sending around, showing the differences between the Republican and Democrat tax cut proposals. It shows that Obama is not in fact planning to raise taxes - he’s planning to cut them for all but the very, very rich. I couldn’t help but notice though - the graph is still massively weighted towards the interests of the super-rich. For example, the bottom two-thirds of the population are given only a third of the space on the graph, while the top 0.1% of the population - one in a thousand people - gets almost 10%. What’s more, an “average tax cut” is then given, which seems to have been derived from taking a total of the nine income brackets shown and dividing it by nine. Journalists should really volunteer to take remedial arithmetic, you know. Once again, this ignores that one of the brackets represents one thousandth of the population.

Of course all either any these candidates can really do (myself included) is to sign off or veto the tax plan sent to them by Congress. It's not like we elect a temporary dictator. Those have to steal elections.

Saint Doug Stanhope

Saving Bristol

Never in history has a woman been under more pressure to keep an unwanted pregnancy than Bristol Palin. She is the teenage daughter of Alaska Governor & Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin - a conservative, Creationist Christian power-vampire and pro-life huckster who has put Bristol and her un-welcomed fetus at the center of a politico-religious crusade to stop her exercising her constitutional right to terminate the pregnancy.

Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol's tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us - the silent majority - to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.

These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home. I have also set up a PayPal link so that others around the world can help increase this amount to ease the burden of starting out on your own at such an early age.

Bless this saint of a man. His courageous endeavor brings a tear to my eye. We can only hope that Bristol hears the call. I would gladly act as her body guard as she crosses the line of protesters at the clinic.

The Story So Far

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics, has managed to capture the essence of the campaign as it currently stands in a way no news source or political cartoon ever could. It even has a character that represents me. It truly is all encompassing.



You know what this means? I can't believe it hasn't been done yet. Some talented remixer needs to make Theme for Barack.

That cat Barack is a bad mother...
Watch your mouth!
Just talkin' about Barack
We can dig it

And I'll be forced to write and record my own campaign anthem, as usual. Maybe some Twisted Sister? I Wanna Roth!

Win/Win!

Fans of progressive politics who believe in the current system of democracy should rejoice.

If the Democrats win we will have the first black President.

If the Republicans win we will have the first female Vice President.

That's some guaranteed progress in the redneck backwards hick U S of A.

Unless I win. Then it's just another pair of white guys in office.