Keeping Busy

My post election lifestyle has been busy. There is NaNoWriMo, of course. I've been keeping fairly well on track with that and finally got a couple thousand words ahead of schedule.

The podcast has been fun and given me a reason to revisit my first book. Today I got done recording and looked at the time marks on the track. Nearly half an hour! The shortest chapter so far was two minutes. Half hour chapter, though. Wow. I guess I really liked that one. It could easily be plucked out of the book and reworked into a short story rejected for publishing by every decent journal in the country. Maybe Penthouse would print it.

And there was the expansion release of World of Warcrack. But no crack until I finish podcasting and writing. Which isn't hard. I guess it isn't that addictive.

Then the homework. It hardly counts as anything. I don't know how they can even pretend to call this a college degree program even if it is just a two year degree. I could have passed this class in middle school. Go back to calling them tech schools and give out certifications instead of degrees. It makes me embarrassed to have a degree when I'm in school with people who couldn't be bothered to complete high school. I feel like I should be doing graduate level work just to wash away this dirty feeling.

After Thanksgiving work is moving me to day shift. I'm not excited about that. Totally ruins my schedule. Right now I wake up when I please, lay in bed, masturbate, and then go about my day. You can't rush masturbation. It's not like I can set my alarm a little earlier to allow for ten to twenty minutes of personal time. Besides, I'd finish and then pass out again. So now I have to wait until lunch. That sucks.

There is still the full time job of not commenting on Obama rumors and giving the lying asshole politician a chance to prove himself first. That one is hard.

If You Love America, You Throw Money In Its Hole!

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

Fast Food, Fast Writing

Went to Burgerville for some lunch today. It's a great NW spot to get fast food that costs more than going to any of the National chains but serves real food grown in the Pacific Northwest.

After eating I noticed signage all over the restaurant. Turns out, Burgerville is doing their part to support NaNoWriMo. They invite writers to come in, enjoy free WiFi, and work on their novels.

And right now that means seasonal pumpkin shakes. So I can sit, write, have a pumpkin shake, and get fat without having to participate in the getting stupid part of fast food. Yay!

Cynical Pig

It's like it's me if I were a short cynical pig.



Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics
But I'm not short.

CHANGE!

You want change? I'll give you change.

Give me a dollar and I'll give you four quarters. Or maybe you'd rather have two quarters, three dimes and four nickels. I could even give you three nickels, six dimes, and a quarter.

Want more change? No problem. In exchange for a fifty spot I'll give you forty singles (show the girls some appreciation) a fiver, ten quarters, three rolls of pennies, and a Sacajawea.

Now that I think about it, if I could get that for every fifty dollars I gave the government, I'd be a very happy man.

It is time for change!

Spot On

Once again, my favorite fake news source gets things exactly spot on.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion

'The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we've come as a nation,' said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. 'Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we've reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.'

'Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,' Williams continued. 'And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.'

Said Williams, 'The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.'

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

As a racist conservative prick of a co-worker said, "I'll give him a year or two in office before I pass judgement."

We've come a long way, baby.

Must... Stop... Commenting...

Not saying a word.

BBC NEWS

Because Obama may turn out to be less red in the practice of his presidency than his words and aspirations would imply.

For example, on that windfall tax (on oil companies) - which much of the Labour Party would love to see imitated here - there's already been a strong hint from Obama's advisers that it's on hold, following the collapse in the oil price.

Nope, not saying anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

History Made

The time has come for me to admit that President elect Obama beat me out. I couldn't even carry my home state or my adopted home state. Not a big surprise. I was trying for the anarchist crowd. Registered voters among the anarchists are hard to find. Even when you find them, trying to convince them that they should vote for someone, anyone, is even harder. After all, it ain't easy maintaining your anarchist street cred. I put my own in jeopardy just to run.

To all of you who were worried that my choice to not turn on my own campaign and vote for the lesser evil was somehow going to spoil the election, I hope you are happy to be wrong. I believed you last time and was wrong. I ignored you this time and was right.

Four years ago I heard the cries of people, upon hearing election results, that the time had come to move to Canada. America was doomed. Tonight, within minutes of hearing the election results while at work, I once again heard people saying the time had come to move to Canada. Obama had won. America was doomed. In both cases these people were right. America is doomed. I see the election of Obama as a minor deceleration of the decay. Like rust on the frame of your old car, you can do all you want to slow the process, but the outcome is inevitable. Thank you Mr. Obama for allowing me a little more time to keep on fisting the rotting corpse of the American dream.

I do feel honored to have been a part of this historic election. Yes, history has been made. The chips were stacked to make it nigh impossible for anything other than a historic evening. But as I pointed out to my parents, in the history of Western civilization, electing someone of African descent to the highest office is far more ground breaking than electing a woman. It is especially more ground breaking than electing a woman to the second highest office. This is a monumental occasion.

My final hope for the evening is that I'm wrong about this guy.

Election Day

Is it over yet? Can I start claiming election fraud and start up my government in exile?

Environmental Policy

Apparently my campaign manager can't remember my environmental policy. Not that it matters much now, but here goes.

A typical presidential campaign has a gigantic carbon footprint. Jet all over the place with your entire entourage to campaign and hold rallies. Canvasers driving from neighborhood to neighborhood. Loads and loads of paper ad campaigns. Energy wasted on e-mails and phone calls. Tons of resources thrown into election day itself. And if you demand a paper ballot, you are once again creating more waste. Electronic voting systems are also horrific with all the hazardous materials used in their manufacture. The voter's guides in Oregon are the size of magazines and mailed to every registered voter. What a waste.

Save the environment. Don't vote.

And burn aborted fetuses for fuel.

Let's Be Sirius

Bloody hell! It's the day before Black Tuesday. How is the campaign doing?

Honestly, I got my ass whooped. Time to start looking ahead to 2012. Or maybe a Portland Mayoral run in 2010. If Extremo the Clown can run, so can I.

I have picked out one area where I utterly failed my campaign. Besides my campaign manager thinking that I was a crackpot and refusing to vote for me. The real problem was in the branding.

I tried to peddle this:



Nobody understands that. A minority will recognize the anarchy sign and even most of them will get confused as hell by the red white and blue 13 star theme. The whole patriotic Anarcho-American thing should have been a reserve graphic. I loved it too much and it was my own damn fault for pushing it.

What I should have been pushing was this:



I thought it was only mildly amusing. I was wrong. This was the one that Joe (with) the Plumber (crack) liked. This was the one the folks at the bars liked. This was the one even the queers liked. Yes, the raised fist, inverted star, that field of blue on the candy cane stripes. Immediately recognizable, familiar, comfortable, no one had to think about it. Then they read the phrase and always burst out laughing at how inappropriate it seemed. Never mind that it stated my intentions quite clearly. Every element was lifted from pop culture. That should have been a sign that it was a winner.

It will definitely take center stage for the 2012 campaign. Until then, keep on fisting the American dream.

Caught Fucking a Pig

Yes, the pig fuckers are still in control. Luckily they don't always get away with the wholesale rape of the swine.

Lies and Audiotape: Morgan Chase Exec Brags Bailout Is for Takeovers, Restructuring, Not Lending

Twenty-five billion dollars is obviously going to help the folks who are struggling more than Chase. What we do think it will help us do, is perhaps be a little bit more active on the acquisition side, or opportunistic side, for some banks who are still struggling. And I would not assume that we are done on the acquisition side, just because of the Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns mergers. I think there are going to be some great opportunities for us to grow in this environment, and I think we have an opportunity to use that $25 billion in that way. And obviously depending on whether recession turns into depression or what happens in the future, you know, we have that as a backstop.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

This Cycle

I saw a Ralph Nader sign in the neighborhood the other day. Remember that guy? His chances peaked in 2000. It was a hell of a good race. He did so well that many Democrats tried to blame him for Bush getting into office. Partially true, I guess. His campaign wasn't quite good enough to win. He wasn't able to inspire enough people to defect. Which resulted in a major backlash. But instead of people returning in droves to the parties of the two lying bastards, they just locked themselves in their homes. Of course now Nader truly is irrelevant. In 2000 there were Nader sign everywhere and people were filling stadiums to attend Nader rallies. Now there is one sign in my neighborhood and I think I saw a YouTube clip at some point.

The Libertarian Party got screwed by Ron Paul. People of that bent got behind the Texas Republican and kind of wandered off aimlessly like a havering Irishman looking for midnight mass in Dubuque.

McCain threw the race. Like a prize fighter, he had to make it look good, put on the show. He grabbed the GOP nomination and then took a dive. He'll stay up nights watching On the Waterfront and sobbing uncontrollably every time Marlon Brando says, "I coulda been a contenda."

Palin's career is now as doomed as Geraldine Ferraro's. Remember Fritz and Tits? I don't remember hearing a thing about her until this year when she pretended to be a racist so Hillary Clinton wouldn't have to. So how long will her preggers daughter and that redneck hockey jock stay together once there is no White House stint? So Sarah can just go back to being a den mother for her litter. She can dedicate her time to personally building up Alaska's own separatist militia.

Obama still scares the shit out of me. Yes, he's the lesser of two evils. But when you're talking about 98% evil versus 93% evil, that's still a hell of a lot of evil going on. He is a sweet talker and his campaign is freakishly reminiscent of Reagan's. Not as far as platform but in style. He is your friend, your best buddy, he is listening to what you are saying and wants to assure you that he is on your side. He has also received more campaign contributions than any other Presidential candidate in history. Don't think for a moment that there aren't some favors owed. He is a politician and knows how the game is played. Candidate of change! I suppose if you change one thing out of a thousand it is still more change than four more years of the same old crap. Hurray for change! The only real positive I see is that he is black. The fact that his ethnicity played any kind of role in this race is proof of just how backwards we are as a nation. I approve of his winning as a step towards getting over the stupid bullshit melanin obsession.

But what really gets me are all these folks trying to tell me what a wonderful, electrifying election year it has been. People breaking through gender and ethnic barriers left and right. I've experienced this as one of the nastiest campaigns so far in my short history. Convention cities setting up full fledged detention camps for protesters. People getting in fist fights over who they support. Party members showing total disrespect for the democratic system they proclaim to love by weeping when a black receives the nomination over a woman. Media black outs of people like Ron Paul. A pro-life Christian moralist with a pregnant teenage daughter. Constant accusations of connections to Islam. Everyone denying our conversion to socialism as they 'interrupt' their campaigns to make it happen. Tabloid gossip political coverage.

The United States is done for. Our political process is a circus full of clowns on fire. The water buckets are filled with kerosene. Watch as they burn and flail for our amusement. And we get to go down in flames right along with them.

Happy voting, citizens.

News With Interest

The Fed has continually cut interest rates in an attempt to stabilize the economy. All that rate cutting lead to more lending and a further destabilized economy. What would be the logical next move?

NPR

The Federal Reserve is expected to cut interest rates Wednesday by at least a half-percentage point to 1 percent. Economists believe the Fed will cut rates because of the current financial turmoil and fears that there might be a prolonged recession...

'And the markets are expecting they'll keep going and cut them further, perhaps' to 0.5 percent, by year's end,

I've got a better idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let's get rid of the Federal Reserve.

And then we can put a ban on lending at interest. When I lend a pal $10, I expect to get $10 back in a reasonable amount of time. I don't expect or want him to pay me $20 back over ten years. I give him the ten spot and say, "I know you're good for it." If I'm wrong, I never lend him money again. I've lent money to countless numbers of people this way and only ever cut off one person.

Too simple?

Blah, Blah , Blah

I missed all the debates, but now I feel like I only missed one of them!

Thanks for sharing, BDJ.

NaNoWriMo

Once again I shall be participating in National Novel Writing Month. It means less blogging for a month. But I will still be podcasting. November will be me reading from my book, Black Whole Son.

New material and free audio book. Lucky you.

Choices

It's coming down to the wire. People want to know, "No. Really Jake. Who would you vote for between Obama and McCain?" They insist there is a very real difference between these two and I need to pick one

What a fantastically relevant question. Here is another fantastically relevant question for you people asking. Who would you rather have molesting your child, the effeminate Catholic Priest or the dirty, hairy biker? You have to admit there are very real differences between the two.

Which would you rather walk across, hot coals or broken glass? Not the same thing at all.

Drowning or lynching?

Okay, that's all a little grim. Maybe you don't see the choices with so much gloom and doom. So would you rather have Coke or Pepsi? No, RC is not an option! Neither is water.

McDonalds or Burger King? Wendys, Arbys, White Castle and all the rest are really irrelevant. Choose one of the two big ones.

Miller or Bud?

WalMart or Target?

Chevy or Ford?

Football or Baseball?

Obama or McCain?

Choose your representative identity!

Pull My Strings

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Bad Bumper Sticker

Spotted on the road to work.

Abortion Causes
Breast Cancer

Just in case you didn't know, it doesn't.

Giving birth to a baby does cause breast parasites.

Let Them Know!

Yesterday a pollster stopped by the house wearing an Obama/Biden button. When asked if we were going to be voting for Obama or McCain in the coming election, I told her this was a Jake household and offered her a button.

She declined.

24 Years Later

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

AWPC: Abortion

I'm still committed to my pro-abortion stance. So we were talking about a co-worker...

Him: Personally I think any father who isn't involved with his kids is a bad father.

Jake: Yeah but in (his) case it is probably a good thing. I'd say, "Sorry kid. Your dad is an idiot and a dead beat and your mom was dumb enough to fuck him. You should have been aborted. Just be thankful that your dad isn't in your life to fuck you up even more."

Him: (laughing) You should have been aborted. You're probably right.

Jake: Hey. I make no bones about my pro-abortion stance.

Bugged?

Is this punishment for titling a podcast "Vote for McCain"? I've added two episodes since then and neither one is feeding. Goddamned Republican conspiracies.

I Approve This Message

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Voter Abstinence

It's supposed to be funny.



"Remember, when you vote for a candidate, you are actually voting for every stance they've ever held."

Michael Savage is a Rapist

From NoSavage.org

Shock jock Michael Savage is a bully. He derides, demeans, and distorts those who don't agree with his hate-filled, right-wing agenda, and when that fails, he files lawsuits. Now, Savage has tried to silence Brave New Films -- this bully has pushed us too far.

Here's what happened: Last Thursday night, YouTube removed over 300 of our videos from their site and disabled our account, including our highly popular Real McCain and FOX Attacks series. They didn't restore the account until Friday afternoon. We were furious to discover that our entire account was disabled over one unjust copyright complaint from Michael Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc., regarding a video we made eight months ago titled "Michael Savage Hates Muslims" -- a video that fell well within the terms of fair use of the material.

Here's what we're doing: On Friday, Brave New Films filed a lawsuit against Savage for his effort to suppress and silence us. Thanks to help from the Stanford Law School's Fair Use Project, we will take the fight right back to Savage and the Original Talk Radio Network, Inc.

Here's how free speech works; people can say whatever the hell they want and if you don't agree, then don't listen to it.

Michael Savage date rapes the First Amendment. He takes full liberties with it and then beats it up and locks it in the basement when it does something he doesn't approve of. That's right...

Michael Savage is a Rapist!

Comic Truth

Sinfest has been really hitting it dead on lately. I'll have to find some cabinet post for Tatsuya Ishida.

The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received

Norm Coleman's lackey, Cullen Sheehan, needs to take some acting lessons. Learn how to adlib. You can say the same thing over and over as many times as you like as long as every time you say it sounds a little different. But in this press conference he says the same phrase, "The Senator has Reported Every Gift He has Ever Received," nine times!



For the record, I post this mostly because I hate Norm Coleman. It is my goal to become a minion of Satan just so that I can be put in charge of Coleman's torture in hell. Actually I want some oversight on the torture of politicians in general, as many Republicans as possible, and specifically Norm Coleman and Ronald Reagan. Bush has no soul.

AWPC

While having lunch at work with a table of middle-age coworkers I received another glowing endorsement.

Woman: I bet Jake could bring down this government at least as fast as these other two clowns.

USA Still #1!

Yesterday in an unusual Columbus Day event, citizens celebrated the fact that despite all of our economic troubles, wire tapping, warrant-less surveillance, an Army unit stationed domestically, elections decided by courts instead of the people, and a national debt currently estimated at $10 trillion (just to name a few things actually known about), we are still the freest nation inside the United States of America.

And no one can ever take that away from us.

Mavericks!

A certain pair of Presidential hopefuls keeps trying to brand themselves as mavericks. I believe I have discovered what they really mean when they say that and yes, it is an apt metaphor.

What kind of Mavericks are they?

May Your Fears Consume You

The United States feared Communism and now is becoming everything we hated and feared about the old Soviet Union.

The United States feared Islamic extremists and now is embodying everything we hated and feared about the Taleban.

The United States feared all these Mexican immigrants illegally crossing the border and now is developing into the kind of nation Mexico used to be... only without enough hot latino food or hot latina babes.

Has anyone considered being deathly afraid of affluence?

GD2

My grandpa always told me the best stories about the depression. He was full of them, too. We'd be sitting around the kitchen table playing dominoes and I'd hear the same ones several times but then he'd throw a new one my way. I'm sure he had more in him that went with him from this world.

There were stories of having to forgo sleeping in an abandoned warehouse for fear that the giant, hungry rats would decide to have a go at the living. Sympathetic rail yard workers who would tell them which trains to catch and which ones to avoid. Pissing in half a tin of chewing tobacco just so everyone would stop asking for a pinch. Amazing stories of survival and a few of tragic death.

I don't fear another Great Depression. Remember the glory years of the Clinton administration and how everyone felt like they were getting rich? My grandpa said those years were even worse than the Great Depression. I can only imagine what he'd think of our current situation.

Maybe I don't fear because I don't have that far to fall. Sure, I've got plenty to lose. I just don't have nearly as much to lose as most Americans. Kick me out on the street and I've got a tent. Take my tent and I've got a tarp. I can wash dishes, walk beans, detassle corn, build stuff from wood and metal, brew beer, grow vegetables, kill small animals, and take a punch. I've got everything I need to survive another Great Depression.

And never forget my great uncle's secret to long life and happiness. He was also a survivor of the Great Depression who lost a fortune by virtue of having it in a bank. He lived to be a smiling 105 so I think the man knew a little something about long life and happiness. His secret for good times and bad?

Whiskey all night and polka 'til dawn!

Economic Resilience

Can't get this damn 'Bail-Out' business out of my head. I am laughing so hard right now. They say the economy is tanking. It isn't. An economy is tanking. The money backed by the full faith of our government and the Federal Reserve and bearing the words 'In God We Trust' is going down like a turd in a high flow toilet.

And good riddance to it.

You want answers? I don't want to give you any. But here is an option.

What is the one market that has remained steady? It has grown as the population has grown and every attempt to tamper with it has resulted in market shifts, but no noticeable declines.

I am talking about the drug trade. Pot, coke, shrooms, heroin, these things have all managed to maintain a stable rate of trade no matter how liberal the state drug laws or how draconian the federal war on drugs has been. Drugs are stable money.

You want to save the economy? Let's back up our currency with marijuana. You want to grow the economy? Grow Hemp!

That's my advice. So go put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Bail-out!

I love it. I'm not sure how in the hell the economy tanked so goddamned fast and nobody saw it coming from a mile away. Or even if it really has tanked. But people keep telling me it has. I'm pretty sure it started shortly before Bush stole office and as best I can tell it just steam rolled all the way through eight years of shit.

But I love it. Headlines sporting the phrase 'bail-out'. Beautiful. No sugar coating. Just plain ugly English. Look at that phrase. Bail-out. It's so beautifully negative.

Even as I type this and marvel at all the headlines containing the fantastic phrase 'bail-out' I see those headlines reappearing under the sickly phrase 'market rescue'.

Aw, even the media is getting in on the bail-out. How sweet.

Pandering

Government bailing out private institutions is wrong. This is the second time in my lifetime that Republicans have had to bail out banks. Not that they had to. Not really.

To someone with any kind of savings, having a bank fail is a really horrible thing. My great uncle lost a lot of money this way during the Great Depression. That is why government bails out these institutions. They are trying to prevent the panic from spreading. And they are covering their own asses.

A great number of Americans live paycheck to paycheck and don't give a rat's ass if the banks go belly up 'cuz they can always cash their check at the liquor store. It's an ignorant view, but God bless 'em their heart is in the right place.

I stick by my original platform statement on the subject, stated long before this debacle was making headlines. Firstly, switch to a voluntary taxation model so nobody has to pay for anything they don't want to. If people are in favor of the government bailout, by all means send them money to support it. Secondly, shut down the Fed! This would immediately screw all banks. Trickle down economics finally working.

Free Mullet Boy!

If you think I'd support this, you're wrong.

Free Levi!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.

Bill Maher is a very funny man. Sure, he can sound a bit know-it-all condescending on his show. It is his show. His humor is often rooted in common sense and pokes fun at those who seem to not just defy logic, but those who run in the opposite direction screaming.

So when he encourages young Levi Johnston to abscond, where does he go wrong?

It's not that Levi fucked the daughter of a Republican governor. I'm all for that. It's the kind of thing I would do out of spite and enjoy. But what about birth control? You gotta remember to wrap up your hockey stick before the game.

You see, Levi is an idiot. He had unprotected sex with the daughter of a prominent pro-lifer. Bad idea. He is also a self-professed redneck boozer stoner hockey jock who until recently sported a mullet. If we let this guy roam the streets freely he'll have idiot spawn crowding classrooms up and down the west coast. Best to lock him up in a shotgun marriage under public scrutiny.

Besides, the likelihood that this relationship will last is practically zero. They might have a gun to his head for a maximum of eight years (and a few months). During that time he can use his new found 'friends' to get him into any college he wants, muscle into corporate power positions, and go on drunken coke binges. When this nightmare is over, he can bolt and sell story rights to FOX. If you look at the big picture, there are lots of opportunities to be had by sticking with the carrier of the abdominal parasite he helped to create. You'd think Bill Maher would recognize this terrific opportunity.

In the end Levi is just a mullet headed redneck hockey jock. He'll go along with whatever coach tells him to do.

Credit Where Due

I'll give credit where due. I still support the Lysander Spooner voluntary tax approach which will offer the largest possible tax cut of any Presidential candidate. Of the two 'majors' Obama has a much more appealing tax plan.

Tax Plans (that’s one for you, nineteen for me)

There’s a graph that Obama supporters are sending around, showing the differences between the Republican and Democrat tax cut proposals. It shows that Obama is not in fact planning to raise taxes - he’s planning to cut them for all but the very, very rich. I couldn’t help but notice though - the graph is still massively weighted towards the interests of the super-rich. For example, the bottom two-thirds of the population are given only a third of the space on the graph, while the top 0.1% of the population - one in a thousand people - gets almost 10%. What’s more, an “average tax cut” is then given, which seems to have been derived from taking a total of the nine income brackets shown and dividing it by nine. Journalists should really volunteer to take remedial arithmetic, you know. Once again, this ignores that one of the brackets represents one thousandth of the population.

Of course all either any these candidates can really do (myself included) is to sign off or veto the tax plan sent to them by Congress. It's not like we elect a temporary dictator. Those have to steal elections.

Saint Doug Stanhope

Saving Bristol

Never in history has a woman been under more pressure to keep an unwanted pregnancy than Bristol Palin. She is the teenage daughter of Alaska Governor & Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin - a conservative, Creationist Christian power-vampire and pro-life huckster who has put Bristol and her un-welcomed fetus at the center of a politico-religious crusade to stop her exercising her constitutional right to terminate the pregnancy.

Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol's tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us - the silent majority - to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.

These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home. I have also set up a PayPal link so that others around the world can help increase this amount to ease the burden of starting out on your own at such an early age.

Bless this saint of a man. His courageous endeavor brings a tear to my eye. We can only hope that Bristol hears the call. I would gladly act as her body guard as she crosses the line of protesters at the clinic.

The Story So Far

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics, has managed to capture the essence of the campaign as it currently stands in a way no news source or political cartoon ever could. It even has a character that represents me. It truly is all encompassing.



You know what this means? I can't believe it hasn't been done yet. Some talented remixer needs to make Theme for Barack.

That cat Barack is a bad mother...
Watch your mouth!
Just talkin' about Barack
We can dig it

And I'll be forced to write and record my own campaign anthem, as usual. Maybe some Twisted Sister? I Wanna Roth!

Win/Win!

Fans of progressive politics who believe in the current system of democracy should rejoice.

If the Democrats win we will have the first black President.

If the Republicans win we will have the first female Vice President.

That's some guaranteed progress in the redneck backwards hick U S of A.

Unless I win. Then it's just another pair of white guys in office.

Holiday In Cambodia Pakistan

I shouldn't laugh when I read stuff like this.

George Bush secret order to send special forces into Pakistan

A secret order issued by George Bush giving US special forces carte blanche to mount counter-terrorist operations inside Pakistani territory raised fears last night that escalating conflict was spreading from Afghanistan to Pakistan and could ignite a region-wide war.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Actually it was the balance ball so it is fairly easy to fall off of. Still, I was laughing and saying out loud, "It's not like Vietnam how?"

In Robert Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land the hero, Michael Valentine, one day is visiting a zoo when he finally groks people.

They laugh because it hurts...because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting.

Bristol Palin

Is it just me, or does the pregnant teen daughter of Sarah Palin, Bristol (right), look exactly like the kind of gal you would expect to be a pregnant teen? One look at that face and I can imagine her makeup running down her rosy cheeks, hunched over and sobbing uncontrollably, her hair a clumping mess as she has to tell her enraged parents that she got knocked up.

Bristol, you would be my personal hero forever if you got an abortion, told your fiance to fuck off, and started stripping once you turned 18. Don't be a pawn in your mom's games. Take control of your destiny. Do it and I will boot my current veep choice and add you to the Jake ticket for 2012 so you can tell your mom, "Yeah, I ran for the nation's second highest office, too!". Consider it.

Sarah Palin: Great White Hunter

Wolves are good hunters. Too good for some people. They kill all of that wonderful trophy moose in Alaska preventing tourist hunters from having a crack at them. The solution?

Sarah Palin, predator control, shooting wolves | Salon

Wildlife activists thought they had seen the worst in 2003 when Frank Murkowski, then the Republican governor of Alaska, signed a bill ramping up state programs to gun down wild wolves from airplanes, inviting average citizens to participate. Wolves, Murkowski believed, were clearly better than humans at killing elk and moose, and humans needed to even the playing field.

But that was before Sarah Palin took Murkowski's job at the end of 2006. She went one step, or paw, further. Palin didn't think Alaskans should be allowed to chase wolves from aircraft and shoot them -- they should be encouraged to do so. Palin's administration put a bounty on wolves' heads, or to be more precise, on their mitts.

In early 2007, Palin's administration approved an initiative to pay a $150 bounty to hunters who killed a wolf from an airplane in certain areas, hacked off the left foreleg, and brought in the appendage.

I would be all for this if instead of shooting the wolves, people had to jump out of low flying aircraft with a knife clasped in their teeth onto a wolf, wrestle it to the ground, and hack off the limb of the still fighting beast. And they must do it while wearing a loin cloth. Anyone who managed to do that would have earned the bounty. I would personally pay the bounty to see Palin do it. Double if her pregnant daughter does it.

But to be fair, if you owned an airplane would you really want to put yourself at risk by shooting wolves from the ground? What if you miss?

I'm Huge on the Internet

Since there are many people who will never read comments...

Jake hits the big time!

Thanks to Clusterlizard for making this happen.

Palin Meme

The Michael Palin meme spread pretty fast. To be expected.

Non-Smokers

Non-smoking kills.

Reuters

Former British heavyweight boxing champion James Oyebola was shot in the neck in a nightclub after asking a group of men to stop smoking.

He died in just four days from his non-smoking related injuries. Smoking related deaths take years.

McCain Picks Palin

Since I was on vacation I couldn't immediately comment on McCain's Veep pick. Upon hearing that he picked Palin, it became apparent that he was of sound mind and was in this thing to win. He picked someone that even I can support.

Dem Veep Revealed

The candidate of change is at it again. This time he has announced his running mate and shocked the world with his choice.

Did he choose a woman? How about a Latino or Native American? Or maybe someone who has worked outside the system to bring about changes?

How about a gray haired white dude? Yep, Senator Joe Biden. How revolutionary! What better way to cause change than to select a running mate who matches the gender and ethnicity of every President and Vice President in the 230+ year life of this nation. What better choice than a former lawyer with a plastic smile who has followed in the footsteps of Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms.

Ah, but he's Catholic. We've only had one of those before. And that ended well...

Drug Testing

For the record, I am 100% against employment drug testing. I am against pre-employment drug testing as a condition of hire. I am against scheduled drug testing such as is used for many people who operate heavy machinery or drive a company vehicle. I am against random drug testing in the work place. I am against post-accident drug testing.

However, I have no sympathy for a person who loses their job as a result of work place drug testing. I don't care if it was a random, scheduled, or accident related drug test. You know the conditions of your employment. You took a gamble and used substances that could show up as a positive. You failed a drug test and lost your job. If your job was so important to you the situation could have been avoided.

If it was a false positive, get a lawyer and sue for wrongful termination. There is a lot of case history and research to back you up.

Sleepwalker McCain

For the record...

I do not endorse Obama for President.

There is a line in the video that gets repeated saying, "We're all gonna die if McCain gets elected." I do not agree with this statement.

With that said, I am just as welcoming of a President who chooses to pop a bunch of mind altering pills as I am of one who smokes a little grass. Hell, they can do both for all I care.

Thanks Jeremy

This thing plays out like an advertisement for Syndicalist Anarchism. I don't think it was meant to.



What do you want? Information. You won't get it! By hook or by crook...

Proxy Wars

Proxy Wars were very popular during the Cold War days. By popular, I mean that the United States and Soviet Union favored them as a means to divide up the globe between the capitalists and the communists. For most of the people in the countries where these things were fought, the proxy wars weren't very popular at all.

But the United States and Russia are still at it, fighting proxy wars. This latest conflict between Russia and Georgia has an element that caught my attention.

Did the U.S. Prep Georgia for War with Russia?

Since early 2002, the U.S. government has given a healthy amount of military aid to Georgia. When I last visited South Ossetia, Georgian troops manned a checkpoint outside Tskhinvali -- decked out in surplus U.S. Army uniforms and new body armor.

Emphasis mine. New body armor. From the United States. This was shortly before we were hearing the horror stories of our own troops not having body armor in Afghanistan and Iraq. The Pentagon short-changed their own soldiers in the name of a proxy war against the old Bear.

Do you have any idea how many yellow ribbons it takes to do the job of one small piece of body armor? Our soldiers got screwed.

Retarded

Message to the Special Olympics:

You are retarded!

Your athletes are retarded.

Your events are retarded.

Protesters gather at Stiller film

Tim Shriver, chairman of disability group Special Olympics, said protestors were particularly offended by the use of the word 'retard' regarding a character, Simple Jack, played by Stiller

'We feel that the use of the word 'retard' throughout the film, 15 or more times, is done without any regard for the dignity of people with intellectual disabilities,' he said.

The word retarded refers to something that is slower than it should be or slower than normal. It was used as a simple technical term long before it became associated with people with mental disabilities who are, very technically speaking, retarded. I use it nearly every day when fixing machines. The timing is retarded. That cam is retarded. The MPD response time needs to be retarded. That operator is retarded.

The organization known as the Special Olympics is retarded for not being up to snuff on the meaning of a term they object to.

Their athletes are retarded because no Special Olympian comes close to even the worst performances among regular Olympians.

Their events are retarded because they have to slow down the pace of things to cater to the people involved.

Based on trailers I've seen, the film they are protesting looks mildly retarded.

And I'm retarded for taking way too freakin' long to explain the meaning of the term retarded to a bunch of retarded people who probably won't even see this retarded post.

Abortions for All!

Yes! A chance to talk about one of my favorite topics. Why, just yesterday I was talking with my parents about abortion and now I get to take an opportunity to talk about it some more.

My fellow Americans, now more than ever I am in support of abortion.

Millions Who Had Abortions Don't Know It

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has drafted a rule that would call it abortion when a contraceptive prevents a fertilized egg from embedding itself in the uterine wall.

All you gals on the pill are having abortions. All you women with IUDs are having abortions. It is a great time to be alive if you are one of the lucky few who didn't get aborted.

Never mind the medical definition that states the zygote has to actually attach to the uterine wall before it can be considered a pregnancy. Like the hard core religious fundamentalist right-to-lifers I also do not trust doctors. None of them will give me the good meds when I'm in pain. FYI Doc: I pop maybe two pills a year! If I come to you in pain seeking a little comfort, it is because if anyone else felt the way I did they would think they were dieing so just give me the freakin' prescription! Now, where was I?

Under a broad definition of the new rule, my vasectomy prevents zygotes from attaching to uterine walls by preventing eggs from getting fertilized. I am a walking, talking abortion clinic! Awesome.

Some folks are troubled by this new rule. They say it will be used to deny women access to contraception. Which in the short term it might. I am in favor of it in as much as I am in favor of abortions. I also think this is exactly the kind of theocratic bullshit that pushes the issue over the top. If you call contraception abortion, suddenly abortion doesn't seem so frightening. Psychologically it makes the pro-life arguments impotent. It aborts them.

I Met the Walrus

Enjoyable. Great laugh at about 4:18. Peace.

Pop Goes the Weasels

McCain and Obama have revealed some of their pop culture picks in a recent article. Turns out I have something in common with John McCain.

Obama, McCain reveal pop culture favorites

In the world of music, McCain revealed a weakness for the Swedish disco-era band ABBA, late singer Roy Orbison and 1970s star Linda Ronstadt.

I could do without Linda. Obama listed Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan, Sheryl Crow and John Coltrane. I like Sinatra and Dylan, but when put in a tops list with Crow and Coltrane, let it be said I will never attend a party at the Obama household.

And is is just me or does the article seem to be deliberately playing to the McCain camp?

To answer some of the same questions put to the other candidates (since nobody bothered to ask me):

• Favorite Super-hero: I grew up liking Captain Atom. I also like Rorschach.
• Favorite Musical Acts: Bands that almost never get flipped past during random rotation include Tool, Flogging Molly, Gogol Bordello, Joe Strummer and ABBA.
• Television Shows: Simpsons, South Park, Doctor Who, Monty Python, Venture Brothers and The Prisoner
• Last Movie Seen in a Theater: WALL-E
• Favorite Actor in the Role of President: Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks and Ronald Lacey in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
• First Movie Memory: Star Wars with that fabulous scrolling opening text and powerful music followed by the little ship being pursued by the big ship. That's politics for you.

Fucking Paris Hilton

That is meant as a general expletive and not to indicate any kind of activity.

A majority of the blogs to which I subscribe have now mentioned the Paris Hilton for President video. Some friends I've got. Traitors!



Need I remind you all that Paris Hilton is not old enough to run for President? In other words it is just a joke. She is not a serious candidate with serious intentions of running nor could she legally take office even if she ran a successful write in campaign.

So get your ass back in the Jake camp and worship at the feet of your future lord and master elected representative!

Drugs Rule!

Last night at work I was wondering about a co-worker who always wears a Grateful Dead necklace. How the hell does I guy like that get hired in a place with random drug testing? Because, I reasoned, nobody can stand listening to that shit unless they're high. One would think that Grateful Dead paraphernalia would count as an automatic drug test fail with no urine sample needed. (Not that I endorse such discrimination. Just saying...)

Synchronicity of synchronicities, what should I find in my news box today but this!

The 5 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High

Any dreadlocked white guys finding this article after Googling 'Drugs Rule' should know that we've given this list about drugs a rule. To make the cut, an accomplishment has to be considered great by people who could pass a field sobriety test. So no Grateful Dead music. We're sure someone somewhere has enjoyed the Dead perfectly sober, just as there are probably non-Christians who listen to Christian Rock. But we're just as sure that in the grand scheme of things, those people don't count.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one.

The list is good, too. It includes 2 acid heads, 2 coke fiends, a shroomer, and this gem...

There's plenty of controversy surrounding certain parts of the Bible, (where are the dinosaurs?), but most can agree that the Ten Commandments make some good points: killing is wrong, stealing is wrong, and weekends are for sleeping.

Space Power!

Harvesting solar power in space and beaming it back to Earth to fuel our energy needs? I'm for it. Somebody has to build and service those panels out there in space. Space is where I want to be. If I have to build solar panels to get there, then I will build the best damn solar panels anyone has ever laid eyes on.

I turned off the sound because I had Tool playing and it beat the hell out of the included music.

Abolish Money

I'm certain of this now. Money has caused so much trouble, we just need to abolish it. It's just a symbol anyway. Get rid of it.

But with what shall we replace it?

Nothing.

Ack! I can't handle that!

Fine. I'm sure we could come up with something. Replace it with the calorie. A person is worth the energy they expend doing things. So a steel worker is worth more than an investment banker. The garbage man is worth more than a lawyer. Intelligence is its own reward.

I still say we don't need to replace money with anything. But the important thing is to BAN MONEY NOW!

Platform

Just a reminder that yes, I am still running for President and yes, I do have a platform.

Essentially I share a platform with the Guns and Dope Party. Here it is...


(unrelated photograph)

1. guns for those who want them, no guns forced on those who don't want them (pacfists, Quakers etc.)
2. drugs for those who want them, no drugs forced on those who don't want them (Christian Scientists etc.)
3. an end to Tsarism and a return to constitutional democracy
4. equal rights for ostriches.

Like the Guns and Dope Party I also support Lysander Spooner's voluntary tax plan. If you want to help the government build roads, then by all means send the government some money to build roads. If you want the government to provide health care, then by all means send some money to the government to provide health care. But I am not a member of the Guns and Dope Party, I am the founder of the Anarcho-American Party. As such I believe you also have the option of going out and patching some roads and practicing medicine in your spare time thus eliminating the government middle man if you so choose.

What is the Anarcho-American Party? It is something like a bachelor party in Vegas but with more sex and booze. What does it stand for? Because when it sits down the room starts to spin.

On conservative days I support the abolition of the extremely unconstitutional Federal Reserve and on wilder days I want to ban all forms of money (except sex which can be used to buy just about anything).

I am pro-Abortion but accept the fact that some people actually want their kids.

More surfing, less water boarding. And people should only have their lips sewn shut and cheeks pierced with wire if they are really into that scene.

I LOVE the USA. Most people could use a hell of a lot more of it. And it should be taught in schools, during sex education classes, which really need more lab time.

All factories to be taken from the bosses and given to the workers who will immediately give themselves unlimited sick time and start calling in sick every day until they figure out that there is nobody there to answer the call and we are out of products to buy so maybe they could build something useful when not fucking and getting high.

I support stem cell research. Especially if it uses stem cells from aborted fetuses.

I want to be the first President with an orbital presidential library inside an orbital garden called the Mt. Vernon Aero-ponics Garden. We can name this space station New Amsterdam (since New York isn't using it anymore).

Some days I support gay marriage. Other days I support group marriage. I may even be convinced to support inter-species relationships. Often I think it would be easier to abolish marriage.

I have an extremely liberal interpretation of the second amendment. I am the founder of the National Sword Association. They can have my claymore when they pry it from my cold, dead hand. I support our right to keep and bear arms of all types. I also believe in Americans' right to keep and arm bears.

That about covers it. Oh, did I mention I'm pro-Abortion?

Wobbly Coffee

When I go out to a coffee shop I like to go to the Red and Black. It is a local cooperative, the workers become co-owners after a few months probationary trial, and the shop is very anarchist/Wobbly minded.

With that said, Starbucks workers around the world have been trying very hard to unionize and continue to do so. It isn't surprising. This type of movement should be natural. When an employer is making loads of money and treating employees like a commodity, workers should organize. But it didn't pick up steam until recently when the coffee shop chain started to close stores.

Starbucks Goes Union in Minnesota

Baristas at the Mall of America Starbucks walked off the café floor today and delivered a demand letter to management calling for just treatment of all employees affected by Starbucks’ closure of stores nationwide. The surprise job action comes in the wake of the coffee giant’s announcement that it will close 600 stores, including 27 in Minnesota.

I have always encouraged people to not buy Starbucks coffee. It is an inferior product sold by a giant corporation that uses exploitative techniques to maximize profits. If Starbucks were to quit resisting unionization, if they were to instead employ only union baristas and actually endorse the IWW, I would change my stance and start to encourage people to go to Starbucks. I might even consider picking up a part time job.

While we are on the topic of how Starbucks can improve, here is another suggestion. It would also be nice if they allowed their baristas to dress like their old logo. Though I can understand having to wear an apron as a protective measure around hot coffee.

Great Depression II

How to put this politely? Have you ever been F'd in the A by a TV W? Have you ever had to sell off your assets to get F'd in the A by the W? It's something like that.

NAB will shock Wall Street

The National Australia Bank's decision to write off 90 per cent of its US conduit loans will have dramatic repercussions around the world...

NAB says that it is suffering a 55 per cent loss on American housing loans – an event that has never happened in the history of a developed country in recent memory. This is an unprecedented event and means that the cost of bailing out the US financial system is now far beyond the highest estimates. A US recession is now locked in, but more alarmingly, 55 per cent loan losses point to the possibility of a depression...

US banks have written down $450 billion in bad housing loans. The revelation from NAB means that they will now certainly need to take provisions to $1,000 billion. But write-downs of $1,300 billion and perhaps even more are on the cards.

Where will the equity come from to cover these bad loans? The world has never attempted a rescue effort of this size and it will make liquidity in the globe very tight. That’s why corporates will be hit. All Australian companies that need equity should raise it now.

I've got a quick fix. Abolish money.

Or get ready to ride the trains from state to state looking for work.

Contest!

Hey folks. This nifty image was dancing around in my head this morning. After bringing it into digital existence I kept coming up with captions to add to it. But I came up with too many. The one best phrase never manifested.



Now I'm dragging all of you into it. Here it is, the first Vote Jake Caption Contest. There will be fun and there may even be a prize. Unlike my opponents, I am making no promises. Post your captions by leaving a comment.

Punishment by Death

Iran executes 29 in jail hangings.

In unrelated news, FOX announced it will launch its latest reality TV show America's Top Con. Death row inmates living on a secluded island will have to complete a series of tasks to win the title of Top Con. Each week viewers can vote for their favorite convict. Who will be the lucky winner who gets to leave the island?

Your Best 'Choice' for President

Many of my kind try to hide it. There is no need for secrecy anymore. Aliens walk among us. Or rather, we walk among you. Go check out Exposing Reptilians for a partial list.

If you read through the list of prominent politicians who are reptilians, aliens, hybrids, or controlled by one of the former you will notice that John McCain is a hybrid and Obama isn't on the list.

I, on the other hand, am a reptilian shape-shifter. I perform dark rituals and drink human blood. I've also seen myself change into a reptile and back again. Others have seen it, too. I wish somebody would have told me that it makes me part of the Rich And Powerful Elite. No bother. Now I've found out and can take my rightful place as your alien overlord.

And to you insect people/aiens who are hiding among the humans... Get off my planet!

Lipstick on a Pig

My favorite thing about rules is the trouble people will go through in trying to avoid breaking them while essentially breaking them. They can't seem to be bothered to break them good and hard.

Firms Offer Muslims Alternatives To Mortgages

Islam forbids charging interest in the belief that it exploits people, but it allows making money off actual goods. Aqbal worked with an Islamic finance company to buy his $300,000 condo. He put in $30,000 and the finance company put in the rest, so they essentially bought it together. Instead of paying a mortgage, Aqbal will pay rent until he eventually buys the company out of its share. The company charges a fee for Aqbal's exclusive use of the house, but considers that profit, not interest. It'll end up costing practically the same as a mortgage; the methodology is what's different.

'You have essentially the same type of product,' says Hussam Qutub of Guidance Financial, an Islamic finance firm. He uses the analogy of a potato chip fried in pig fat — pork is forbidden to Muslims — and a potato chip fried in something more acceptable, like vegetable oil.

To put it another way, this whole finance business is a bunch of horse shit, because pig shit would be unacceptable to Muslims. If you live in a house with a mortgage or you rent-to-own, stop making payments and you lose your house and your ass is on the street.

You can put lipstick on a pig or garters on a goat but they still won't let you bring it as your prom date. Trust me on that one.

Attack!

A film by the U.S. War Department about the cheese eating surrender monkeys. Some of it overviews how they used to not be surrender monkeys (but presumable still ate cheese). It also seems to be the pervasive ideology of the modern Pentagon.



My personal philosophy is very different. I say Cannibalize Their Young!

The "C" Word

A student goes to communion, gets a wafer, and doesn't swallow. He is in turn called a hate criminal, a kidnapper, and receives multiple death threats for not properly participating in the mass. After all, the Catholic eucharist turns that wafer into the actual body of Jesus, who Western iconography has taught us was caucasion. The blog commenting on the story is from a professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris. It is to him I give kudos for his concise and educated use of the English language in describing the situation.

Crazy Christian fanatics right here in our own country have been threatening to kill a young man over a cracker. This is insane. These people are demented fuckwits.

Here is a professor brave enough to use a racial slur when describing the messiah of our nation's most popular religion. That takes chutzpah, which is Yiddish and has nothing to do with crackers.

Jesse in 2008?

Good old Jesse Ventura might run for Norm Coleman's Senate seat. Might. The way he has been posturing this year I would be surprised if he didn't.

Political Punch:

Ventura said of Coleman, 'the guy has not had a job in the private sector his entire adult life. He's been collecting government checks since the day he got out of law school and went to work for the attorney general's office. So when Norm Coleman tells people in the private sector he feels their pain, how? He's never been in it. At least Al Franken knows what the private sector is. I would like to send him out and get a real job in the private sector.'

If Jesse runs, he'll win. He will chew up his opponents. And he appeals to average Minnesotans the way no other candidate can. Your average Minnesotan is really no different than your average American anywhere. Average Americans like pro-wrestling. Years as a WWF commentator taught Ventura how to make certain the crowd was on his side even if they didn't agree with him. And I've heard he shits bullets.

"Oops" Doesn't Quite Cover It

From a PR standpoint, this is pretty darn bad.

US air strike wiped out Afghan wedding party

A US air strike killed 47 civilians, including 39 women and children, as they were travelling to a wedding in Afghanistan, an official inquiry found today. The bride was among the dead.

Candidate of Change Changes His Mind

Candidates' Long-Held Intelligence Views Shift : NPR

The FISA revision now before the Senate does provide that immunity, but Obama says he will support it anyway. That turnaround has dismayed many of his supporters. Some fellow Democrats, like Rep. Anna Eshoo of California, are left hoping that Obama would revisit the FISA issue as president.

I'm sure that if he became President he wouldn't bow down to the giant telecoms that have the money, media and influence to destroy him and his family.

War on Terror Update

The Economist is helping to keep us informed on our successes in the War on Terror® with this handy little inspiring graphic.

Looks to me like Iraq accounts for more hostages than the next three big ones combined. Do they give out some sort of award for that? Like when Hitler killed off more Jews than anyone else in history. The United States has managed to create a nation where hostage taking can be more than just a casual past time. Talk to your careers counselor today!

Or is this part of a strategic plan to create a central clearing house for terrorist hostage situations? Admit it, the whole problem would be much more easily and expediently dealt with if we could have all of our negotiators and hostage rescue swat teams in just one country. And tourists would know that going anywhere but there for vacation would be a pretty safe bet.

Survey the Carnage

Bush takes a look at what his Presidency has done to America.


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

The Long Term Benefits of Mushroom Use

Study finds long benefit in illegal mushroom drug. One person says:

"I feel more centered in who I am and what I'm doing," said Osborn, now 66, of Providence, R.I. "I don't seem to have those self-doubts like I used to have. I feel much more grounded (and feel that) we are all connected."

And they offer that:

Scientists reported Tuesday that when they surveyed volunteers 14 months after they took the drug, most said they were still feeling and behaving better because of the experience.

Two-thirds of them also said the drug had produced one of the five most spiritually significant experiences they'd ever had.

So what do they tell people in the face of this fantastic new information?

Experts emphasize that people should not try psilocybin on their own because it could be harmful. Even in the controlled setting of the laboratory, nearly a third of participants felt significant fear under the effects of the drug. Without proper supervision, someone could be harmed, researchers said.

Wow! I would think shrooming in a clinical lab would have caused a lot more freakouts. This is one of those drugs that should really be completely decriminalized but come with a huge warning label. Absolutely nobody should take it unless they are brave enough to risk dieing 100 times per minute for 1,000 years only to wake up the next day in love with the universe.