Illumination

We are closest to truth just before we die. That is when we have the least amount of time in which to contradict ourselves.

Smart and Sexy

Being smart can make you sexier.

But being sexy won't make you smarter.

Unless you're a kick ass stripper making enough in tips to pay your way through grad school.

Being smart and sexy is one of the worst lifelong curses that can befall a woman. Society isn't too kind to such individuals. But if you start explaining the Minimal Supersymmetric Standard Model to me in a way that makes sense, I'll probably stare at your eyes instead of your tits... though I still might be slack jawed and drueling.

So stay in school.

Timing

It isn't very often that you can empty both the peanut butter and jam jars while making a sandwich. Even rarer to do it the evening before recycling pick-up. Pretty sweet.

Never Thought of it Before

Is there anything more American than Chinese take-out?

Happiness

There are three things that no matter how bad, seem to always put a smile on my face.

1. Riding my chopper
2. Going surfing
3. Fucking

Is it mere coincidence that all three involve something long and rigid?

Odds

The odds that a person will win the Powerball jackpot are 1 in 146,000,000.

The odds of winning a state lottery are 1 in 14,000,000.

The odds of being attacked by a shark are 1 in 8,000,000.

The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 300,000,000.

So it comes as no surprise that people who are scared to death of getting eaten by a shark will often feel safe playing lottery games. Hell, the odds of me becoming President are 1 in 10,000,000 and that hasn't stopped me.

Ponderance

Eating a bowl of corn flakes, constantly expecting the next bite to taste a little different.