Polls Are Open!

To the left is a poll about the podcast. I know I had initially said that I would bring it back in the new year. I've been having second thoughts about it. To settle the matter, I've opened it up to the public. Just like a real election, you must pick one of the preselected options or else you are just throwing your vote away.

But feel free to voice opinions as comments to this post. I vain enough to read them all.

Arab/Israeli Relations: The Mother of All Clusterfucks

There will be no linking to news stories for this one. There doesn't need to be. Nothing is being said that hasn't been said a (insert implausibly large number here) times.

I don't envy Obama on this one. The economy may go up and down but ever since the forming of Islam it has been at odds with everyone else and that goes at least double for the Jews. And while there is a lot of hatred for the Jews, the Arab nations seem to hate Israel specifically even more than Jews in general. And why not? The Palestinians had their hands full trying to throw off the shackles of Britain's imperialism. Then they had to go and add religion to the already volatile mixture. Out with the Queen, in with Moses. Oi!

Is it apparent that my sympathies tend to lie with the Israelis? I'd like to say otherwise, but it wouldn't be true. The Israelis are up against an enemy that will never back down until the entire state of Israel is wiped off the face of all maps everywhere and not a single Jew is left standing on Middle Eastern soil. Not a whole lot of room for negotiation there.

I truly believe that the average Israeli and Palestinian would have very little trouble living side by side if it weren't for a few trouble makers always stirring the pot (and they stir it with rockets and grenades, no less). If the average American can put aside one of the most deep seeded bigotries this nation suffers from in order to vote for a black President, anything is possible. The trouble makers just need to grow up. Stop acting like little children shouting over who was where first, who threw the first stone, just agree to let the whole conflict end and be friends.

There isn't a bookie around who would take that bet.

People want answers. They want solutions and they want them now! Fine...

• Give both sides a bunch of nuclear missiles. They'll either learn to live in a cold war atmosphere or blow each other off the maps. Problem solved.
• Give the Jews Baja Mexico. The Palestinians are way too snobbish about their locale to accept such a trade off. The Jews have shown themselves to be quite pragmatic when push comes to shove. And they did wonders with Israel. They'd turn Baja into a shining gem in no time. The Mexicans living there can either get paid a fair price for their property or choose to stay. I would bet that Jews and Mexicans could live side by side in harmony especially if it meant being able to snub the Palestinians' poor hospitality.
• Exterminate all Muslims. It is a terrible idea but it would end the conflict. I won't even suggest the opposite. Islam is a religion that tries to convert people even by force if they can. Having grown up in such a religion, Christianity, the idea of zealous conversion both frightens and disgusts me. The Jews don't actively proselytize or seek conversions. If one of the two has to go to end this thing, it won't be the Jews. They also write better comedies.

Those are my ideas. Move them to opposite sides of the globe, let them nuke it out, or eliminate the more patently aggressive party.

Or they could just grow up and learn how to get along.

Late News

OBAMA SURFS? Why didn't somebody tell me this before the election?

Sign of Progress

I hate drug testing. I have always hated drug testing. My personal opinion is that drug testing is a violation of basic civil rights because it assumes guilt and requires us to prove our innocence. In most work places refusing a drug test has the same or worse consequences as failing one.

Massachusetts may have done away with this problem.

Pot law could snuff out testing policy

A voter-approved law reducing possession of small amounts of marijuana to a civil offense threatens to unravel drug testing of police and other public employees, the Herald has learned.

The law, which goes into effect Jan. 2, prohibits government agencies and authorities from enforcing any punishment for pot possession with a fine greater than $100, according to the Massachusetts Police Chiefs Association, and defines possession so broadly as to include traces of pot in blood to urine to hair and fingernails.

Berkshire District Attorney David Capeless predicted the new law has far-reaching consequences for even school bus drivers and MBTA train operators, who could point to the law and say they can only be fined, not fired, for marijuana offenses.

You are supposed to panic now. They tried really hard to get you to panic so the least you could do is pretend.

OH NOES! Now we have to fire people for not doing their job instead of busting them for going home and slouching on a couch with a bag of chips and a copy of Pineapple Express. I'm terrified.

And it gets worse.

New pot rules may allow having hashish

Massachusetts police may no longer be able to arrest people for having a small amount of hashish, because a new law that decriminalizes possessing up to an ounce of marijuana could apply to other drugs with the same psychoactive ingredient, according to guidelines issued today.

New Flash! Hash contains the same active ingredient as marijuana because it is made from marijuana. In other news, heroin has the same active ingredient as opium because it is made from opium. Should a minor be treated differently for possession of vodka versus possession of beer? But why would a minor want vodka or beer when they could have pot or hash?

Stillman also said teens may gravitate toward pot because the penalty for having an ounce or less is far less than the penalty for having alcohol.

So the law even benefits minors. $100 fine and it is treated like a parking ticket with no permanent record.

Of course law enforcement bitches about it making their job harder. From what I have gathered, law enforcement thinks the easiest way to perform their job is to make everyone into a criminal so they can arrest everybody. Buck up, little boy blue. Do what the rest of the American work force is doing and stop caring. A little pot might help.

A tip of the hat to Massachusetts for passing a sufficiently vague and far reaching law that is a step in the right direction. But can they keep it?

Custom

Taking my first day of vacation to revamp the campaign blog. It is time for the 2012 look. Simpler, cleaner, easier to read. Added a separate player further down the side column for the Black Whole Son audio book. Curl up by the fire and listen to all 5 hours in one sitting. You've done worse things to waste your life away.

Keep on fisting.

Benny, Me, and Homosexualtiy

I agree with Pope Benedict which is why I disagree with him. Since we are both Popes, the conflict was inevitable.

Pope urges defence of heterosexuality

Speaking in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration, Benedict said yesterday the church viewed the distinction between men and women as central to human nature, and 'asks that this order, set down by creation, be respected'.

The church, he said, 'should protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man was needed, he said,' adding: 'The tropical forests do deserve our protection; but man, as a creature, does not deserve any less.'

Benedict focused his attack on what he described as 'gender' theories, 'which lead towards the definitive emancipation of man from creation and the creator'.

I agree with Benny that the environment could do with a little protection. Sometimes in order to protect an ecology, you have to do a little thinning of the herd. What better way to thin out the environmentally destructive human race than to encourage homosexuality? So I also disagree with him.

And I agree that research into the root causes of gender identity, gender theories, gender selection, or whatever other scientific research into gender he might have been talking about could lead to the emancipation of man from the creator. Scientific exploration that liberates us from captivity by superstitions is a good thing. I don't think Benny agrees with me on that.

Both Benny and I are popes and entitled to our own comprehensions of the world.

Spectacles, Testicles, Brandy, Cigar, and now you, dear reader, are a Pope as well. As such you are as entitled to your own world view as Benny is to his.

What Would Jello Do?

Jello Biafra believes in democracy. If I were the sort of person who thought that representative democracy could not only be saved but was worth saving, I'd probably agree with most of what he has to say in...

Jello Biafra - Open Letter to Barack Obama

As important as it is to find common ground and build consensus for change, our situation is so dire we cannot afford any more dealmakers. The people voted for a leader. Anything less risks breaking the hearts of an entire galvanized generation who may then decide it is not worth it to get involved and participate any more.
(emphasis mine)

I do not agree with some of the ideas he espouses and I do not share his fondness for democracy and elections. He had very interesting and novel solutions, which is something I do like about him.

And the last sentence of the above quote, I agree with that 100%. Difference being, I believe with a fair level of certainty that governments are incapable of doing anything but break people's hearts (and backs, and budgets, and fingers, and skulls, etc). Especially given enough time. Like an entire afternoon.

Still, I think my readers will find that the former lead singer of the Dead Kennedys has a much saner voice than my own. I don't care much for sanity.

NSFW: Requiem for a Goddess

Obituary.

Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

More so than Marilyn Monroe or Jane Mansfield, Bettie Page was a goddess. Her image will transcend the ages. Her form will forever stand as a testament to human beauty regardless of what is currently in fashion. In her death, she will live forever.

Jake on Prop 8

This year's elections may be over and (most) races already decided, but that doesn't stop me. There is an issue out there that seems to be confusing people. It is only confusing because people are dead set on ignoring the First Amendment. What is that one again?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Separation of Church and State! This whole business concerning the legality of gay marriages is quite simple once you get religion out of the picture.

Churches are free to do as they please concerning marriage. If a given church wishes to restrict marriage to one man and one woman it is their prerogative to do so. If sects like the Mormons and Islam want to allow men to have more than one wife, no problem.

So what business does government have in affairs of matrimony? Business, indeed. A legal marriage is a merger between individuals that gives the power to make decisions concerning the shared assets of those involved in the merger. They also share in the liabilities. If the merger ends prematurely (before 'death do us part') it is a court of law, not a religious authority, that oversees the disbursement of assets and liabilities.

From a legal vantage point that assumes the First Amendment says exactly what it says and that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, a legal marriage is a business contract for households. The business of running the household is conducted as a joint venture following agreed upon guidelines such as any laid out in a prenup.

Since it is a specialized business contract, the number and gender of the parties is irrelevant. To declare otherwise is contrary to laws guaranteeing that government agencies can not discriminate based on gender (among many other wonderful things). If two men wish to merge households the government is not granted the power to deny them a contract. If three women desire to merge households the same is true. If three women and two men wanted to form a merger I see no reason why it should be denied.

If two men, three women and a goat wished to marry, it would be denied because the goat is not a legal citizen with protected rights. That is where we need to be focusing our energy.

Equal Rights for Goats!

I did not run this by my lawyer prior to posting so I could be wrong. When elected you'll find out just how right I was.

Trust

Citing the overwhelming success of United States currency since the decision to print the words "In God We Trust" on it, the Department of Homeland Security has decided to expand that trust to national defense.

Anti-terror law requires God be acknowledged

Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, 'The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.'

Don't panic. Unless you live in Kentucky because that is where the law is in effect. So if you live in Kentucky, go ahead and panic. If you live elsewhere, just worry a lot.

If this were China and our predominant religion were Budhism, I could at least fathom placing the job of Homeland security in the hands of temples full of monks trained in Kung Fu and Tai Chi. American churches are best known for their sex scandals. Unless Kentucky plans on being attacked by a group of nude little boys I don't see how God, or at least his representatives here on Earth, is going to help them much.

Black Whole Son Continues

So the book is longer than anticipated. I shall continue reading until it is done.

I ran into a snag yesterday. Apparently the recording software I'm using has a limit of about 33 minutes. It can't record past that. So I saved the last part of the chapter from yesterday to record as a separate chapter today. Another six minutes. Guess I got on a roll when I was writing that one. Good thing I had a fairly natural breaking point to divide it up.

For both of my listeners out there, you may have noticed a slight schedule change to the podcast. While on graveyard I would podcast after work and you would have a new episode by noon. Working swing I would record before work and usually have it up by 1PM. Switching to days the best time to record is after work. It has now become an evening podcast. And often times my wife is home while I am recording. This makes me a little self conscious. Hopefully it doesn't spoil the work at all.

PSA: Contraception

I thought people knew this, but apparently not everyone does. Let's go over this so as to make it nice and sparkling clear.

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Sorry, big word there for anyone who might think pulling out actually is contraception. Let's try that again.

Pulling out is NOT birth control.

She can still get pregnant even if you are an expert at pulling out. It isn't even a little effective. Yes, I've read the statistics that say otherwise and am choosing to ignore them. I don't care if they say it can be up to 96% effective. Do you know what the prereqs for that number are? It means you can't have ejaculated in the last 24 hours or else you'll have a bunch of sperm in your pre-ejaculate. Can you go that long without masturbating? Really?!

It also means you can only fuck once every 24 hours. Can you live with that kind of restriction? Really?!

Pulling out is NOT birth control. It is great for porn stars, anal, and creaming some gal's tits so you can watch her girlfriend lick it all up, but not as contraception.

Got that? Want to see it one more time?

Pulling out is NOT contraception.

Will the Fetus be Aborted?

The election may be over, but I am still dedicated to the core values of my campaign. And nothing was more core nor set me apart from the competition quite like my stance on abortion.

So when a friend told me she was considering getting one, I was honest. It started with me telling her that she was talking to the one person who was actually pro-abortion. Next, I encouraged her by telling her about armadillos.

While armadillos are not unique in the animal kingdom for having this ability, they do make a great case study. Some species can prolong how long before the egg attaches to the uterine wall. Very important for any species facing tough times ahead. It can also abort if conditions are not right.

Humans use their intelligence to make them the reproductive equals of the armadillo.

And thanks to her I got a song stuck in my head.

Thanks for the Holiday Bonus

Are you happy right now? Feeling a bit of that holiday spirit? Want to see it all disappear in a fit of rage?

AIG Pulls Fast One -- "Cash Awards" Going To Managers

American International Group Inc., the insurer that said yesterday it scrapped bonuses for top executives after a U.S. bailout, will still pay 130 managers 'cash awards' to stay with the firm, including $3 million to retirement services chief Jay Wintrob.


Wintrob, 51, will get the 'retention' payment in two installments, the first in April 2009 and the rest a year later, New York-based AIG said today in a regulatory filing. The firm previously disclosed the program in a Sept. 26 filing and said today that Wintrob and Chief Financial Officer David Herzog elected to get the payments four months later than planned.

Aw, the pig fuckers don't get a holiday bonus. The one ham slammer has to wait until April for the first installment and a year before he gets the full $3 million.

If I knew that in one year's time I had $3 mil coming my way, I think I'd feel okay 'floating' a few holiday gifts to friends. Instead I feel like somebody did that thing in the above illustration and they went through the bother of keeping it in the freezer for a couple of days.

Getting the Speech

I finally got to hear the corporate America anti-union speech. And yes, the CEO pulled us all off of the factory floor for 45 minutes to tell it to us. Actually, it was only a small piece of a much larger presentation, but it was still exciting.

He told us how unions destroy every industry they touch and the only reason the big 3 auto makers need a bailout right now is because the unions have bled them dry and that unions were unable to survive outside of the auto industry and its support industries. Because it would be obvious to everyone that the meat packers union is to blame for there being no meat at the grocery stores and that the unions at the breweries have destroyed the profitability of American beer. Not to mention what the sex worker's union has done to this country.

I'm anti-union also. Unions have a hierarchical structure. I'd much rather gather up the suits by the dumpsters, shoot them, and then don't replace them with any leaders. But its real hard to organize people to do that. They find out that it would still be classified as murder (instead of liberation or emancipation) and sour on the idea. Oh, they talk big, but they've got no action.

What really shocked me about the anti-union speech at work? It was clear the CEO truly believed what he said. He wasn't trying to force feed propaganda and lies but just sharing his view point. Of course he was dead wrong and the researchable facts are against him. But facts have never gotten in the way of a strong Belief System.

His speech made me feel a bit Wobbly.

Epic Race to the Finish

Because not everyone reads both...

I have completed the National Novel Writing Month Challenge for 2008! There is still a lot to be done. Story lines are nowhere near complete. Some back story and character development is in order. I still plan on trying to merge stories with Rolfe to see what we get. That will require lots of rewriting.

Wednesday was an epic writing day. I had been cruising along at about 1,700 words per day through most of the month. I had yesterday off and banged out the last 7,000+ words in one day. I said, "You're down to 3k, save it for tommorrow." Then it was 2k and I figured I should quit and save it for a new day. Then it was 1k and figured I should at least take some time off of it and do something else for a while. Then I hit 500 and there was nothing in the world that was going to stop me. I can write 500 words any time, any where.

And NaNo had made me feel pretty damn good about myself. During the month of November I managed to not only complete a 50,000 word story but podcast 5 times a week, reasonably kept up 2 blogs, installed a dvd drive on the PC, patched 2 copies of WoW, leveled one of my WoW characters, kept up with my homework, taught my two peers how to calculate non-standard thread forms, kept up my full time job and still managed to get out and play pool at the pub and take in the fire strippers at Devil's Point.

My life is so freakin' awesome!

Change of a Woman's Place

Change!

Are we back to the old conventional wisdom that only women can be secretaries?

Get over it, Clinton haters

For a broad array of editorialists, pundits and kibitzers, as well as anybody else still obsessed with old resentments against the Clintons, the weeks since Election Day have inflicted a profound sensation of cognitive dissonance, as Barack Obama kept naming the friends and allies of his former rival to run his transition and his government. Now with reports that Hillary Rodham Clinton will indeed be appointed secretary of state, those feelings may even induce a stroke here or there.

I thought it was Sarah Palin that caused strokes.

I wonder if Condi Rice has caused any strokes.

While Michelle Obama may cause a few, Elizabeth Kucinich would have caused more. I'm sure both of them have caused more than Laura Bush. Barbara Bush was the anti-stroke causer.

Different strokes for different folks.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.

Change! So great to see so much change taking place. Like changing back to a time when being a secretary was women's work and it was okay to admit that the secretary may even induce a stroke here or there.

Listening to Yourself

The whole podcast experiment, especially reading my book, has taught me something I had never accepted about myself.

I have a typically Minnesotan voice. Not the rural Scandawhovian ya sure you betcha Fargo accent. I escaped that. I'm talking about the Hüsker Dü, Bob Mould, Violent Femmes, Hold Steady, Terrence McKenna upper mid-west nasal voice. Especially Terrence McKenna. The guy was six foot four, same height as me, but when I watch videos of him speaking he always seems shorter because of that sharp nasal tone to his voice. He was the world's tallest pixie. (Note pixie not Pixie.)

It can be cute, but never sexy. It rivals New York Jews when you want to be an annoying know it all. Of course it is best when put to use in sarcasm and self defacing humor. As though that's original.

I Was Wrong

I often like to be proven wrong. It is a chance to grow and learn. If you are always right, then you already know everything and no longer have to think. Your brain decays and dies. So yet again, I Was Wrong!



You watch that? Go ahead. That is the short video sequence that proved to me I was wrong about Bush.

George W. Bush stands alone. He is an individual. He looks like everybody else, but has set himself apart as a man who goes his own way. That is exactly how the average American likes to think of him/herself.

George W. Bush lacks the confidence to truly stand alone, so he lets other people tell him what to do. That is exactly what the average American does.

When George W. Bush stood to lose to his opponent, he didn't lay down and let things run their course. He went to court to get what he perceived as being his. Your average American does the same thing all the time.

He came into office with a grudge against a man and did everything in his power, including lying and slander, to see that Saddam got what was coming to him. That is exactly what the average American does.

George W. Bush drank and fucked his way through college earning an average grade. An average grade like an average American.

George W. Bush paid for everything on credit. Economic signs were bleak, the cards were maxed out, and he kept right on spending. Just like your average American.

George W. Bush was a true representative of the people. His actions may not have been what they wanted. They may not have agreed with most of his policies. But his methods of operation, totally American. All of this revealed in a few moments of video where he stands alone. Unrecognized. Unwelcome. Just like the average American.

I am not an average American and still hate him even more than I hate Reagan. And I really fucking hate Reagan.

Keeping Busy

My post election lifestyle has been busy. There is NaNoWriMo, of course. I've been keeping fairly well on track with that and finally got a couple thousand words ahead of schedule.

The podcast has been fun and given me a reason to revisit my first book. Today I got done recording and looked at the time marks on the track. Nearly half an hour! The shortest chapter so far was two minutes. Half hour chapter, though. Wow. I guess I really liked that one. It could easily be plucked out of the book and reworked into a short story rejected for publishing by every decent journal in the country. Maybe Penthouse would print it.

And there was the expansion release of World of Warcrack. But no crack until I finish podcasting and writing. Which isn't hard. I guess it isn't that addictive.

Then the homework. It hardly counts as anything. I don't know how they can even pretend to call this a college degree program even if it is just a two year degree. I could have passed this class in middle school. Go back to calling them tech schools and give out certifications instead of degrees. It makes me embarrassed to have a degree when I'm in school with people who couldn't be bothered to complete high school. I feel like I should be doing graduate level work just to wash away this dirty feeling.

After Thanksgiving work is moving me to day shift. I'm not excited about that. Totally ruins my schedule. Right now I wake up when I please, lay in bed, masturbate, and then go about my day. You can't rush masturbation. It's not like I can set my alarm a little earlier to allow for ten to twenty minutes of personal time. Besides, I'd finish and then pass out again. So now I have to wait until lunch. That sucks.

There is still the full time job of not commenting on Obama rumors and giving the lying asshole politician a chance to prove himself first. That one is hard.