If You Love America, You Throw Money In Its Hole!

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

Fast Food, Fast Writing

Went to Burgerville for some lunch today. It's a great NW spot to get fast food that costs more than going to any of the National chains but serves real food grown in the Pacific Northwest.

After eating I noticed signage all over the restaurant. Turns out, Burgerville is doing their part to support NaNoWriMo. They invite writers to come in, enjoy free WiFi, and work on their novels.

And right now that means seasonal pumpkin shakes. So I can sit, write, have a pumpkin shake, and get fat without having to participate in the getting stupid part of fast food. Yay!

Cynical Pig

It's like it's me if I were a short cynical pig.



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But I'm not short.

CHANGE!

You want change? I'll give you change.

Give me a dollar and I'll give you four quarters. Or maybe you'd rather have two quarters, three dimes and four nickels. I could even give you three nickels, six dimes, and a quarter.

Want more change? No problem. In exchange for a fifty spot I'll give you forty singles (show the girls some appreciation) a fiver, ten quarters, three rolls of pennies, and a Sacajawea.

Now that I think about it, if I could get that for every fifty dollars I gave the government, I'd be a very happy man.

It is time for change!

Spot On

Once again, my favorite fake news source gets things exactly spot on.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion

'The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we've come as a nation,' said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. 'Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we've reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.'

'Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,' Williams continued. 'And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.'

Said Williams, 'The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.'

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

As a racist conservative prick of a co-worker said, "I'll give him a year or two in office before I pass judgement."

We've come a long way, baby.

Must... Stop... Commenting...

Not saying a word.

BBC NEWS

Because Obama may turn out to be less red in the practice of his presidency than his words and aspirations would imply.

For example, on that windfall tax (on oil companies) - which much of the Labour Party would love to see imitated here - there's already been a strong hint from Obama's advisers that it's on hold, following the collapse in the oil price.

Nope, not saying anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

History Made

The time has come for me to admit that President elect Obama beat me out. I couldn't even carry my home state or my adopted home state. Not a big surprise. I was trying for the anarchist crowd. Registered voters among the anarchists are hard to find. Even when you find them, trying to convince them that they should vote for someone, anyone, is even harder. After all, it ain't easy maintaining your anarchist street cred. I put my own in jeopardy just to run.

To all of you who were worried that my choice to not turn on my own campaign and vote for the lesser evil was somehow going to spoil the election, I hope you are happy to be wrong. I believed you last time and was wrong. I ignored you this time and was right.

Four years ago I heard the cries of people, upon hearing election results, that the time had come to move to Canada. America was doomed. Tonight, within minutes of hearing the election results while at work, I once again heard people saying the time had come to move to Canada. Obama had won. America was doomed. In both cases these people were right. America is doomed. I see the election of Obama as a minor deceleration of the decay. Like rust on the frame of your old car, you can do all you want to slow the process, but the outcome is inevitable. Thank you Mr. Obama for allowing me a little more time to keep on fisting the rotting corpse of the American dream.

I do feel honored to have been a part of this historic election. Yes, history has been made. The chips were stacked to make it nigh impossible for anything other than a historic evening. But as I pointed out to my parents, in the history of Western civilization, electing someone of African descent to the highest office is far more ground breaking than electing a woman. It is especially more ground breaking than electing a woman to the second highest office. This is a monumental occasion.

My final hope for the evening is that I'm wrong about this guy.

Election Day

Is it over yet? Can I start claiming election fraud and start up my government in exile?

Environmental Policy

Apparently my campaign manager can't remember my environmental policy. Not that it matters much now, but here goes.

A typical presidential campaign has a gigantic carbon footprint. Jet all over the place with your entire entourage to campaign and hold rallies. Canvasers driving from neighborhood to neighborhood. Loads and loads of paper ad campaigns. Energy wasted on e-mails and phone calls. Tons of resources thrown into election day itself. And if you demand a paper ballot, you are once again creating more waste. Electronic voting systems are also horrific with all the hazardous materials used in their manufacture. The voter's guides in Oregon are the size of magazines and mailed to every registered voter. What a waste.

Save the environment. Don't vote.

And burn aborted fetuses for fuel.

Let's Be Sirius

Bloody hell! It's the day before Black Tuesday. How is the campaign doing?

Honestly, I got my ass whooped. Time to start looking ahead to 2012. Or maybe a Portland Mayoral run in 2010. If Extremo the Clown can run, so can I.

I have picked out one area where I utterly failed my campaign. Besides my campaign manager thinking that I was a crackpot and refusing to vote for me. The real problem was in the branding.

I tried to peddle this:



Nobody understands that. A minority will recognize the anarchy sign and even most of them will get confused as hell by the red white and blue 13 star theme. The whole patriotic Anarcho-American thing should have been a reserve graphic. I loved it too much and it was my own damn fault for pushing it.

What I should have been pushing was this:



I thought it was only mildly amusing. I was wrong. This was the one that Joe (with) the Plumber (crack) liked. This was the one the folks at the bars liked. This was the one even the queers liked. Yes, the raised fist, inverted star, that field of blue on the candy cane stripes. Immediately recognizable, familiar, comfortable, no one had to think about it. Then they read the phrase and always burst out laughing at how inappropriate it seemed. Never mind that it stated my intentions quite clearly. Every element was lifted from pop culture. That should have been a sign that it was a winner.

It will definitely take center stage for the 2012 campaign. Until then, keep on fisting the American dream.

Caught Fucking a Pig

Yes, the pig fuckers are still in control. Luckily they don't always get away with the wholesale rape of the swine.

Lies and Audiotape: Morgan Chase Exec Brags Bailout Is for Takeovers, Restructuring, Not Lending

Twenty-five billion dollars is obviously going to help the folks who are struggling more than Chase. What we do think it will help us do, is perhaps be a little bit more active on the acquisition side, or opportunistic side, for some banks who are still struggling. And I would not assume that we are done on the acquisition side, just because of the Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns mergers. I think there are going to be some great opportunities for us to grow in this environment, and I think we have an opportunity to use that $25 billion in that way. And obviously depending on whether recession turns into depression or what happens in the future, you know, we have that as a backstop.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

This Cycle

I saw a Ralph Nader sign in the neighborhood the other day. Remember that guy? His chances peaked in 2000. It was a hell of a good race. He did so well that many Democrats tried to blame him for Bush getting into office. Partially true, I guess. His campaign wasn't quite good enough to win. He wasn't able to inspire enough people to defect. Which resulted in a major backlash. But instead of people returning in droves to the parties of the two lying bastards, they just locked themselves in their homes. Of course now Nader truly is irrelevant. In 2000 there were Nader sign everywhere and people were filling stadiums to attend Nader rallies. Now there is one sign in my neighborhood and I think I saw a YouTube clip at some point.

The Libertarian Party got screwed by Ron Paul. People of that bent got behind the Texas Republican and kind of wandered off aimlessly like a havering Irishman looking for midnight mass in Dubuque.

McCain threw the race. Like a prize fighter, he had to make it look good, put on the show. He grabbed the GOP nomination and then took a dive. He'll stay up nights watching On the Waterfront and sobbing uncontrollably every time Marlon Brando says, "I coulda been a contenda."

Palin's career is now as doomed as Geraldine Ferraro's. Remember Fritz and Tits? I don't remember hearing a thing about her until this year when she pretended to be a racist so Hillary Clinton wouldn't have to. So how long will her preggers daughter and that redneck hockey jock stay together once there is no White House stint? So Sarah can just go back to being a den mother for her litter. She can dedicate her time to personally building up Alaska's own separatist militia.

Obama still scares the shit out of me. Yes, he's the lesser of two evils. But when you're talking about 98% evil versus 93% evil, that's still a hell of a lot of evil going on. He is a sweet talker and his campaign is freakishly reminiscent of Reagan's. Not as far as platform but in style. He is your friend, your best buddy, he is listening to what you are saying and wants to assure you that he is on your side. He has also received more campaign contributions than any other Presidential candidate in history. Don't think for a moment that there aren't some favors owed. He is a politician and knows how the game is played. Candidate of change! I suppose if you change one thing out of a thousand it is still more change than four more years of the same old crap. Hurray for change! The only real positive I see is that he is black. The fact that his ethnicity played any kind of role in this race is proof of just how backwards we are as a nation. I approve of his winning as a step towards getting over the stupid bullshit melanin obsession.

But what really gets me are all these folks trying to tell me what a wonderful, electrifying election year it has been. People breaking through gender and ethnic barriers left and right. I've experienced this as one of the nastiest campaigns so far in my short history. Convention cities setting up full fledged detention camps for protesters. People getting in fist fights over who they support. Party members showing total disrespect for the democratic system they proclaim to love by weeping when a black receives the nomination over a woman. Media black outs of people like Ron Paul. A pro-life Christian moralist with a pregnant teenage daughter. Constant accusations of connections to Islam. Everyone denying our conversion to socialism as they 'interrupt' their campaigns to make it happen. Tabloid gossip political coverage.

The United States is done for. Our political process is a circus full of clowns on fire. The water buckets are filled with kerosene. Watch as they burn and flail for our amusement. And we get to go down in flames right along with them.

Happy voting, citizens.

News With Interest

The Fed has continually cut interest rates in an attempt to stabilize the economy. All that rate cutting lead to more lending and a further destabilized economy. What would be the logical next move?

NPR

The Federal Reserve is expected to cut interest rates Wednesday by at least a half-percentage point to 1 percent. Economists believe the Fed will cut rates because of the current financial turmoil and fears that there might be a prolonged recession...

'And the markets are expecting they'll keep going and cut them further, perhaps' to 0.5 percent, by year's end,

I've got a better idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let's get rid of the Federal Reserve.

And then we can put a ban on lending at interest. When I lend a pal $10, I expect to get $10 back in a reasonable amount of time. I don't expect or want him to pay me $20 back over ten years. I give him the ten spot and say, "I know you're good for it." If I'm wrong, I never lend him money again. I've lent money to countless numbers of people this way and only ever cut off one person.

Too simple?

Blah, Blah , Blah

I missed all the debates, but now I feel like I only missed one of them!

Thanks for sharing, BDJ.

NaNoWriMo

Once again I shall be participating in National Novel Writing Month. It means less blogging for a month. But I will still be podcasting. November will be me reading from my book, Black Whole Son.

New material and free audio book. Lucky you.

Choices

It's coming down to the wire. People want to know, "No. Really Jake. Who would you vote for between Obama and McCain?" They insist there is a very real difference between these two and I need to pick one

What a fantastically relevant question. Here is another fantastically relevant question for you people asking. Who would you rather have molesting your child, the effeminate Catholic Priest or the dirty, hairy biker? You have to admit there are very real differences between the two.

Which would you rather walk across, hot coals or broken glass? Not the same thing at all.

Drowning or lynching?

Okay, that's all a little grim. Maybe you don't see the choices with so much gloom and doom. So would you rather have Coke or Pepsi? No, RC is not an option! Neither is water.

McDonalds or Burger King? Wendys, Arbys, White Castle and all the rest are really irrelevant. Choose one of the two big ones.

Miller or Bud?

WalMart or Target?

Chevy or Ford?

Football or Baseball?

Obama or McCain?

Choose your representative identity!

Pull My Strings

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics

Bad Bumper Sticker

Spotted on the road to work.

Abortion Causes
Breast Cancer

Just in case you didn't know, it doesn't.

Giving birth to a baby does cause breast parasites.

Let Them Know!

Yesterday a pollster stopped by the house wearing an Obama/Biden button. When asked if we were going to be voting for Obama or McCain in the coming election, I told her this was a Jake household and offered her a button.

She declined.

24 Years Later

Sinfest: The Webcomic To End all Webcomics