Not An AWPC

I carry three tools in the side pockets of my Carharts at work. The two pockets on my right leg carry my pliers and an Enderes 4-in-1 screwdriver. In the pocket on my left leg, just below the unused hammer loop, is where I keep 'Ron Jeremy'. That is what a co-worker nick-named my Crescent wrench. It is a well used tool that has 'been around'. It is about the same length as its namesake and probably close to the same age. And I use it for lots of things such a tool should not be used for.

For instance, towards the end of my shift tonight, I was doing an emergency repair to a grinder. After using Ron Jeremy to tighten the replacement for a broken stop bolt, one of the clamp depression fingers was still just a bit too high to fully open the clamp. The chain was dragging on the clamp as it tried to feed through. Not having my hex keys on me to loosen the fixture and move the finger in the prescribed fashion, I once again whipped out Ron Jeremy, gave the fixture three solid whacks, pressed the 'RUN' button, and gave the operator the thumbs-up.

Maintenance is fun when you've got Ron Jeremy in your pocket.

AWPC: Surfing

Both Mark and I were feeling fairly beat up today. A full day of sun and surf will do that to you. Especially when the waves were as good as they were on Sunday at Short Sands. Still, we were both in very good moods and quite mellow.

Jake: It's like coming to work on drugs but without the paranoia of getting caught.
Mark: Yeah.

I Can't Surf

Three guys are walking through the sand. I say three guys but it's actually two guys and the one guy's best friend and wife who is NOT a talking pie. And the sand is on the beach, not the dessert. And they brought food and drink with them. And they brought surf gear.

Comrade Robot

From the Communist Robot Manifesto:

A Capitalist economy is not fit for autonomous robot industrialization. A Communist economy however is perfectly suited for the implementation of a fully robotic workforce. In a Communist economy the government controls industry and wealth distribution to insure that everyone is afforded basic amenities. Communism exists as a response to the disproportional wealth distribution of industrialized nations and functions better as an idealist philosophy than an actual economic system because it lacks the incentive of riches and glamour that compel development through Capitalism.
Robots will change all of this.

Robots topple the infrastructure of Capitalism by displacing its most valuable asset: the common worker. Robots will empower Communist countries by lifting the burden of labor from their social structure and granting greater opportunities for education and scientific exploration.

Surf's Up Dude

Sunday surfing at Short Sands. I'll be sure to grab some vid this time.

NSFW: Some Comedy

People keep telling this joke but I don't think they really get the point of it. I just keep hearing total rip-offs of the same version told over and over without making it their own. So here's my version.

You could probably watch this at work if you have headphones. It's not like I'm strokin' my willy or something.

Always With the Magnets

Some Dubliners claim to have accidentally discovered a 285% efficient generator utilizing magnets.

These dynamic and personable businessmen from Dublin insist that they have found a way of producing free, clean and limitless energy out of thin air. And they are so confident that they have thrown down the gauntlet to the scientific community in a bid to prove that they have rewritten the laws of physics. Last week, frustrated that they couldn't persuade scientists to take their work seriously, McCarthy, Walshe and the other 28 shareholders of Steorn, a privately owned technology research company, took out a full-page advertisement in the Economist. In it, they called upon scientists to form a 12-member jury to decide whether their free-energy system is real, hoaxed, imagined or incorrectly well-intentioned.

I feel extremely skeptical and extremely hopeful. Develop some feelings of your own by reading the Guardian article.

Truly Tasteless Joke

It has been a while since I've heard a good tasteless joke. I thought I should share.

What is 18 inches long, stiff as hell, and makes women scream in the middle of the night?

Answer here.

TV Planets

"Pluto is dead."

Pluto has been stripped of its status as a planet and been regrouped with the likes of Xena as a new category of celestial objects called Dwarf Planets.

There are now eight classic planets. These can be divided into the Terrestrial Planets of Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars with the asteroid belt seperating them from the Jovial Planets of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Coincidentally the Leary Eight Circuit Brain Model can be divided into four terrestrial circuits and four post-terrestrial circuits.

I imply NOTHING!

AWPC: For The Birds

M: Hey Jake. Did you see the falcon in back?
Me: No. What year?
M: No. I mean a FALCON, falcon. It's back in packaging.
Me: A live one?
M: Yeah.

Sure enough, he took me back into the warehouse and there was a raptor hanging out in the rafters.

The Only Solution

In a nation riddled with fear, I have the solution. Americans everywhere are terrified of another 9/11 and this fear is manifesting in physical forms. But I can stop it if you let me. People everywhere, I implore you, let's join forces and never let 9/11 happen again. To do this, take out your calendar, turn to the month of September, and cross out the 11th. Renumber this day the 12th and continue through the month until you have renumbered what was the 30th to the 31st. If we all do this, 9/11 can never happen again.

And to make certain there is never another Pearl Harbor, I suggest we rename it "Happy Fun Time Bay". Vote Jake!

Let's Face It, It's Funny

In Mumbai, India a new restaurant with a controversial theme has opened.

'Hitler's Cross', which opened last week, serves up a wide range of continental fare and a big helping of controversy, thanks to a name the owners say they chose to stand out among hundreds of Mumbai eateries...

"We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different."

They want people to know that they are deranged syphilitics drastically over-compensating for their lack of stature through use of strong language, folk symbology, and the extermination of those who made fun of them in school.

See, Hitler jokes are funny.

Loose Cannon

Ex-Army specialist Korey Rowe is creating quite a stir with his film, Loose Change.

MICHAEL SLENSKE: Do you work for the CIA?

KOREY ROWE: No, I do not work for the CIA.

Good enough for me.

Looking Around Me

So far today I have seen some interesting things.

While most months go by without me seeing any such thing, today I saw two V-Dub old school chopper style trikes. One was parked out by Scapoose and the other was across from New Seasons Market in P-town.

While driving near St. Helens I spotted an old 4 door rat rod with flame job for sale for less than $6k. Think it was a 50's Merc. A real bargain, but not my thing.

And while going through downtown I spotted a pair of cops instructing a tall, thin, naked man to lie down on the sidewalk. Personal opinion here; naked people really don't pose much of a threat to society. If they are managing to conceal a weapon, they are braver than anyone I know. As a nation we really need to get past this public nudity thing. The only ones who can get away with it are those who choose to be naked all the time. Sometimes I want to be naked, other times I want to cover up. But I have no choice if I want to leave my yard. It's an all or none deal. I felt sorry for the naked guy. It has to be uncomfortable to lie naked and face down on a city sidewalk on a hot day.

Flirting With Danger

It happens fairly regularly. Today it was at the tobacconist. The girl behind the counter had dark black hair that was a cross between Joan Jett and Betty Page. She sported some 1980's retro look with her ripped pink t-shirt and denim mini-skirt. The tattoos and septum piercing looked good on her. Then she smiles at me with that narrowing of the eyes and slight curl of the lip that seems to scream, "I could eat you up." She is inviting me to flirt with her, but I don't.

Women often either send me signals to start flirting or even start to flirt with me. I can't flirt back. Many people consider flirting a harmless little exchange. Not me. I can't do that to people. I've seen the way some of the girls at work look at me. It is most obvious when I am talking about my wife. The way I always describe her as the coolest and most fantastic person I know and how much I love her, the girls look at me with a face that says, "I want a guy who'll talk about me like that." They are in love with me. Not me as an individual, because many of them have no desire to be with a person of my type, but what I represent as a partner. Some of them have floated some harmless little flirtations my way. To flirt back would destroy the image of the ideal man they see in me.

It would also be a complete tease. Imagine getting an announcement from your favorite bottle shop telling you that for one day only you can get 75% off your entire purchase. So you trek on down and stare at all of your favorite brews. When you try to buy something the clerk informs you that they are not actually selling any beer today, but if they were you would get the discount promised. That ain't right. I can't do that to someone.

But I am more than willing to go down to the strip club and lay out some bills. That's fun. The boundaries are established. In exchange for money girls will dance naked for me. No crossed signals. They want nothing more from me and I expect nothing more from them. In fact the one time a dancer suggested that something more could happen I was totally creeped out. That ain't right, either. Unless it's Nevada.

Stupid Dolphins

Scientist says dolphins are dim-wits.

Brains, he says, are made of neurons and glia. The latter create the environment for the neurons to work properly and producing heat is one of glia's functions.

"Dolphins have a superabundance of glia and very few neurons ... The dolphin's brain is not made for information processing it is designed to counter the thermal challenges of being a mammal in water," Manger said.

Which is why people from Canada are slow simpletons, right?

"You put an animal in a box, even a lab rat or gerbil, and the first thing it wants to do is climb out of it. If you don't put a lid on top of the bowl a goldfish will eventually jump out to enlarge the environment it is living in," he said.

"But a dolphin will never do that. In the marine parks the dividers to keep the dolphins apart are only a foot or two above the water between the different pools," he said.

Why not? Because, Manger says, the thought would simply not cross their unsophisticated minds.

Ironically, many Americans request to be stuck away in a box for minimal rewards and those boxes have open spaces to walk through. So a goldfish jumping out of the watery bowl to die on the table is smarter than dolphins and Americans.

If John C. Lilly were still alive I'm sure he would have a thing or two to say. I am still left wondering if scientists don't completely overestimate the intelligence of humans. There might be some bias.

Man on the Moon

While perusing an issue of Machine Design at work, a colleague read an article on the design of the equipment currently being prepared for America's return to the Moon. For him it supported the idea that the old moon landings were faked. On top of the oft cited conspiracy theories on the topic, the technological sophistication of the proposed equipment for the future endeavors and how many unknowns NASA is preparing for offered further evidence that the famed Apollo missions never happened.

I personally don't care. Maybe the moon landings were faked. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter is that I am not living in an orbital colony, working in space, and hanging out in a climate controlled zero gravity environment. That is all I really want. Because in a weightless climate controlled environment a culture of nudity would inevitably develop. Clothing is a human convention derived as a form of protection from variable conditions, adaptability through application of intelligence. Clothing would only be a burden in a zero gravity environment. The creativity and desire for personal expression found in humans would fuel fashion trends favoring body modification over apparel. Women free from the devastating effects of gravity would be able to fully celebrate the liberation of their endowments. There would also have to be exercise areas where half-G conditions exist lest the body deteriorate. Those same endowments bouncing with half the burden.

Floating tattooed boobies! That's what space migration is really all about. And scientific endeavor, human progress, blah, blah, blah...

Blog Notes

From an e-mail exchange.

I found this description and had to share as you two are the only bloggers I know.

Blogger. n. Someone with nothing to say writing for someone with nothing to do.

You have to admit that 99.98% of all blogs are crap.

Yep. Mine is. Grade A fertilizer grade crap.

I thought each blogger is supposed to think their blog was the core of all truth and rightness? Or is yours that stuff as well as crap?

All blogs are shit. But mine is the core of truth and rightness because I realize it is shit.

Faith-Based Initiative

The world is still full of unanswerable questions.

The Beirut photo fiasco opened the floodgates for all coverage to be lambasted by those who believe one side, the Israeli one in this instance, is more justified in it's bloodletting than the other. But if it's unethical to add puffs of black smoke to a Beirut scene, for whatever reason, what are the ethics of using said puffs as an equally artificial smokescreen to justify the attempted whitewashing of an entire war zone, denying that innocent civilians are suffering, and holding up their killers as blameless victims?

There are things we don't know and things we do. What is not known is how the digitally falsified image of Beirut came about. We do know that on June 30, 2006, an Israeli airstrike on the nearby southern Lebanese town of Qana destroyed an apartment building and killed many of those inside.

Accept most people don't know that. Every little bit of false information that gets into the media adds to the sense that maybe none of this is real. Why Hezbollywood Was Born. Until I set foot in Beirut and see it for myself, I can't know, only believe.

Reading the news is a faith-based initiative.

Best Pencil Ever

A co-worker and I were talking about mechanical pencils today. Turns out we have the same favorite, the Pentel Quicker Clicker. We also both prefer the early model to the later models. It was exceptionally well built, rugged, an innovative design developed on a solid foundation of quality mechanical pencils. Each of us still has the first one we ever had while having broken or lost several of the later models.

I still remember how I came into possession of my first one. In the summer of 1993 I went to the Walker Art Center with my friend David. We were there to view the Jeff Koons exhibition which my parents had assured me was fabulous. What we found there was an exhibit that was a piece of shit and an old school mate, who was quite the opposite, working security at the museum. The parking lot was one of those where you write your vehicle's plate number on an envelope and stick the parking fee inside before sliding the envelope into a drop slot. In the box containing the standard stubby #2 pencils and miniature manila envelopes was a clear green Pentel Quicker Clicker. Feeling a bit put out by all of the free parking stalls being taken, I nicked the pencil and put it in my bag. The day was fantastic. We made fun of the art in mock intellectual tones, caught up with an old friend who helped us to make fun of the art in mock intellectual tones, and I got the best mechanical pencil I have ever possessed. That pencil has traveled over many states, written many lines, and still serves me well.

Wasn't that all simply enthralling? Oh, certainly. I very much appreciated the juxtaposition of the in-eptitude of the contemporary artist with the utilitarian triumph of the lowly mechanical pencil. Oh, and did you notice the karmaic undertones of the cost of parking vis-à-vis the discovered treasure? Marvelous!

That Old Time Religion

In a recent experiment I have been focusing energy on the old Norse rune, Feoh. Its origins associate it with cattle, which were a sign of wealth. Later it became associated with wealth in general. An interesting aspect of the Viking concept of wealth was that it was not just something to horde, but could also be used as gifts to buy honor. For instance, if you landed on some foreign shore to trade with the locals, you would give them samples of your goods to increase your honorable status with them. If they refused your gifts or acted ungrateful, you slaughtered the villagers and took everything. Likewise, if they did not bestow some fancy goods on you, it was burn, rape, loot, pillage time. Something to keep in mind during the holiday season.

So I have focused on this rune for some time now. When I masturbate, the energy from the climax gets funneled towards Feoh. When I shit, that rush that tingles up the spine as I finish is channeled towards Feoh. I drew the rune on our big white board as a constant reminder. And sometimes I just sit around thinking about it.

In the past week I have received 40 lbs. of beef, a solid silver coffee service complete with creamer, sugar, and biscuit bowls, someone offered me a trailer in exchange for a case of beer, and someone else invited me to spend four days in Cabos surfing and deep sea fishing on their grandparents' yacht. I can't reciprocate, so I guess I'll have to sharpen my sword.

The Winner Is... CHAOS!

War commentary.

The problem is, in the world of occupational politics, one rarely gets to eat one's cake and have it too. At some point, the ripples from the chaos you generate, whether purposely or by accident, converge into the kind of perfect wave of horror that you just may not be capable of riding out.

101 Uses of Chaos

Days of Confusion

Keeping up with multiple news sources, each of them reporting on the news with their own variety of spin from paranoid religious right patriots to paranoid lunatic fringe conspiracy theorists, my world view has gone a bit tipsy. My head is swimming. The colors bleed into each other creating mosaic patterns of an ultra-reality beyond existence as we know it. The sound bites become visible and the snap shots scream. It is all one voice vomiting vitriol on a media canvas to create a collage of disinformation meant to keep us confused and powerless. Or is it a bunch of comedy sports fans spouting spin? Perhaps it is just the attempts of all these different sources trying to make sense of things that is really fouling up a world that cannot not and should not be understood but experienced.

Wait, am I supposed to take the yellow pill or the red one on Tuesdays? Oh crap. It's Monday!

AWPC

I took a thermos of my now famous coffee into work today.

Is that some of your nitroglycerin? I was trying to describe it to one of the other guys and told him that if you tried to add cream or sugar, it would probably jump back out.

Job Hunter

Anyone remember when I ran my Job Hunter blog? Of course not. Nobody read that crap. It was all about the more than 300 résumés I had submitted for various jobs and the creative writing that went into all of the accompanying cover letters. I shutter to think...

So now I've got this job that pays shit but I love doing. What should come along in the mail but a postcard from one of the places I had applied at. It stated that they were in need of new people and encouraged me to apply. Most of the places I submitted materials to I would just blow off. Nobody is getting me behind a desk again. But this was from Union Pacific Railroad. It would be switching, moving, and maintaining trains.

So I applied. Hell, they asked so nicely. I included a little humor. One of my professional references is the old farmer I used to work for. I figured if they bothered to call my references they might get a kick out of listening to one of the thickest Minnesota accents still alive. I can just imagine him rambling at them.

Oh, dat Jake Roth! He's a good worker. Still got a mohawk? Dem mohawks are good workers. Don't over heat on da hay rack. Skin heads are good workers too. Still got all dem rings in his face? You can attach a chain to dem and tie him to da train and he'll work all day long and into the night. You betcha! Best crop I ever had was dat year he worked for me.

How To Survive In An Age Of Death

Liquid World.

President Bush praises the "solid" investigation that uncovered the plot. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff says the British did it by following "threads." Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says we're working "to dismantle these terrorist cells before an attack occurs." Kip Hawley, the head of the Transportation Security Agency, says liquid explosives are "on our radar screen."

These are the metaphors of a bygone age. Nothing is solid for sure anymore, not even bombs. Between terrorist cells, there are often no threads. No dismantling is final. Radar's lousy in water.

We're living in a liquid world. All the solid lines—states, borders, battlefronts—are melting.

The illiterate and/or lazy can listen to the story here.

I get it! It's just like surfing. The waves might drown you, sharks might decide to take a chunk out of you, or you might take a dive and break your neck on a reef. Regardless, you just have to go out and keep surfing. Ignore the boundaries. Ignore the rules. Ignore the threats. Live!

A day will come when all of my metaphors will be either chopper or surf related.

Dream Journal

While waiting for my trophy in recognition of my grand accomplishments in the arts, a group of young men start harassing my young female companion about the profanity printed on her t-shirt. I swing around and push the biggest and loudest one back into a wall. "Free speech, man!" He starts to throw a punch, but hesitates mid-swing with a fearful look in his eyes. I grab his fist, spin him around, and push his face into the wall. "That includes words like fuck, piss, shit, cunt, bastard, and asshole to name a few." He is struggling against my hold on him, but I haven't finished yet. I lift him above my head, driving him into the low ceiling before pounding him into the ground. As he lays on the floor, arm twisted behind his back, shaking with his efforts not to cry, I lean down and whisper into his ear, "For more information, contact the American Civil Liberties Union." I am then handed my art trophy, which is topped with a gold rimmed coffee cup.

I dream like a geek.

Vote Jake in Hell

My all time favorite author is Robert Anton Wilson. Hands down. No exceptions. RAW Rocks! When the documentary about him, Maybe Logic, was introduced, I not only pre-ordered the special edition DVD but drove to Santa Cruz for the premiere and sat in the front row.

So imagine my excitement when I found out that the same production company that made the documentary was releasing a DVD of RAW's screenplay, Wilhelm Reich in Hell. Then I watched the trailer. With all my will I tried to watch the whole thing. I was one of the few people who actually enjoyed reading the screenplay. I made it three quarters of the way through. How far can you get?

Porn Star Governess

Porn star Mary Carey is going for a rematch against Arnold in the upcoming California elections.

Carey said she believed porn and politics went together, inspiring her slogan: "Finally, a politician you want to be screwed by."

Damn! That's a good one. She gets a cabinet post for certain. Or maybe I can use her to stack the Supreme Court.

Giving In

I broke down and got a MySpace account just so I could peruse other people's stuff. Don't expect to ever see anything there. This is where the action happens.

Been There, Done That

Muppet creators go adult.

The creators of The Muppets and Sesame Street are staging a puppet show that is strictly for adults only.

Miss Piggy would blush over the antics in "Jim Henson's Puppet Improv" which spearheads a renaissance of puppet shows for grown-ups at this year's Edinburgh Fringe arts festival.

It's been done. In 1989, Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson gave us the sick and twisted Meet the Feebles. Hell hath no fury like a hippo with a machine gun.

No Nipples!

A "Presidential Bust" of U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton was unveiled on Wednesday at New York's Museum of Sex, where sculptor Daniel Edwards hopes it will spark discussion about sex, politics and celebrity.

Oh, so deep! The artist says he wanted to capture the sexual nature of Ms. Clinton, but the bust has no nipples. This surely eludes to her as a sexual pleasure unit since without any way to feed offspring she can never be a mother figure. This makes her out to be the Left Wing West Wing American Whore.

WoW Junkies

An addiction counselor points out that World of Warcraft is addictive.

...Blizzard, which structures the games like World of Warcraft to be addictive. They design these MMORPGs to keep people in the game. I do think the problem is tied in with other things like family issues, but the games themselves are inherently addictive. That's ultimately the cause of the problem.

As an addiction counselor she has nothing to gain by saying this. Really. As for the observation that a game company would actually design their game to be addictive, that receives a great big, "Well DUH!" I taught game development at a college. One of my lectures each term was on the elements for creating rewarding game play. Games need to trigger the reward center in the brain so the player gets a rush, a high. Otherwise nobody buys the game and you're out of a job. "Addiction" is the goal of every game made.

The word goes in quotes there because I get sick of the addiction label getting attached to just about every recreational activity from drugs to gambling to sex. Heroin is addictive. A heroin addict's body NEEDS the drug in order to function properly. A gambler may have a severe compulsion, but he won't die if he quits cold turkey. Same goes for sex and video games.

And all the really cool addiction music, literature, and film is still about heroin. I personally prefer acid art, but even the DEA knows LSD isn't addictive.

Mankato Dontcha Know

I guess this is Mankato, Minnesota week. So far this week we have received telephone calls from three individuals living in Mankato, one of which told me about another old acquaintance of mine now living there, and the Swede Transvestite discovered the MySpace for my favorite Mankato punk band from back in the day, My Friend Stu. But you still can't surf there.

Nostalgic About Nostalgia

My apologies in advance for the sappiness of this post.

People tend to look back on the past with glassy eyed nostalgia remembering all the really great things they used to do. I do it too. I've had a lot of really great times worth remembering and even sharing with others.

For a lot of folks they get to a point where the good times seem to end. They grow up, get serious, get a job, have some kids, settle down, and the wild and crazy days of their youth are over. So they wax nostalgic for what was and now is no more.

That's a damn shame. The good times never need to end. You just have to seek novelty.

In the past year I have written a book, learned machine maintenance, went surfing, started video blogging, watched a vasectomy being performed on myself, performed a wedding ceremony for my older sister, watched the World Cup final while eating barbecue, discovered that eating 13 marinated red hot chili peppers can cause me to hallucinate, and rode my chopper in a kilt. Each of these things I will someday look back on with nostalgia and fondness (or at least a good giggle). I have some vices, too. Ten years from now I probably won't give a damn about the time I spent playing World of Warcraft (though the anarcho-syndicalist guild is a good story), reading the news, or scoring torrents for the entire second season of the new Doctor Who (even though it rocked).

So if your life is humdrum and you find yourself pining for the good old days, just go create some moments that will become new good old days. Repeat often for a full and happy life.

Thus sayeth the Prophet of Wyrd.

Lieberman a Loser

Lieberman loses battle over war.

Lieberman conceded defeat but said he would file petitions on Wednesday to run as an independent in November.

"Tomorrow, we launch a new campaign to unite the people of Connecticut," he told cheering supporters at a downtown Hartford hotel. "If you're fed up with the nasty partisanship in Washington, then I ask your help."

This guy knows all about nasty partisan politics. As a Democrat he helped to keep Nader and LaDuke from winning so that the two major parties could end partisanship on their own terms. And you can tell he is serious about ending Washington partisanship because he tried to get the Democratic nomination before declaring himself independent. Being a non-partisan liberal means agreeing and voting with conservatives.

If the guy spins any faster he's going to have a dizzy spell and faint.

The Nostalgia Scene

Yes, I listened to Sonic Youth back in the day. Still do. I still have my copy of Goo as well as several other of their titles. But I never saw any of their videos because, well, farm kids couldn't get cable, poor kids couldn't get satellite, and I rarely watched TV anyway. So I saw this video for the first time today. It was like a spooky flashback. A couple of fresh faced geeky gawky teens in flannels and ratty jeans. A step back in time to an image that mirrored my own memories. But it was recorded at that time. Videos have a tendency to glorify the culture of their time and paint an unrealistic portrait. This video is as clear and accurate as a scrap book polaroid snap shot. They actually managed to see it and capture it. Only thing missing is the thick haze of cigarette smoke. Art. Kind of tickles.

Jake the Goat

The American Prospect has a story on the Democratic Party's potential strategy this fall called Winning Like Losers.

Last week, a lapsed Democratic friend was explaining to me her theory http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifof why it would be better if Democrats did not win back control of the Congress this fall. In its simplest form, it goes like this: Things suck and theyÂ’re going to get worse; as the deterioration accelerates, the people in charge are going to be the ones blamed for the mayhem. They will be punished by the voters in the next presidential election, in 2008. So let the Republicans have this mess and the consequences that flow from it.

That strategy would make sense if it weren't for Republicans. Their strategy involves winning at all costs, declaring a victory mandate, and spinning any social and political ills as all the more reason why we need to keep voting Republican.

It looks like a lose-lose situation. Which it very well could be this fall.

But in 2008, there is a choice. I am volunteering to be the scapegoat. The Democratic party can escape blame for the current woes without the horror of losing to the conservatives. Republicans can blame all of the problems they have saddled this country with on me as the new commander-in-chief without the worry of appearing weakened by a Democratic victory. That's right, it can all be MY fault! And whoever wins in 2012 can blame everything on my insane policies. It's win-win-win!

AWPC: More Surf

My co-worker and I couldn't think about anything but surfing today.

M: So I figured it out. If we went straight home from work, went right to bed, we could wake up about six or seven, head to the coast, surf for a few hours, and still make it back in time for work.

Me: Yeah! We could. (long pause while I seriously consider it) If I had my own gear I'd say yes. But for now, I'm going to practice restraint.

He also talked up my surfing in front of the young girls at work.

M: For a guy who moved here from Minnesota, Jake was awesome. He was paddling out, got his timing down, and even almost caught a wave on his first time out. I give him a million points.

We were both positively glowing at work. Both from the joy of riding waves and the heat from our sun toasted faces.

His friend, a professional surf instructor, sympathized with our weak waves. Turns out that all week the sets were rolling in and he was camped on the coast to catch them. Then Friday afternoon they started to die down and it was hard to catch a decent wave. Total bummer.

Ruination

Back in 1996 I was looking at motorcycles, trying to decide if I should fix up the old Honda or get something else to ride. The fourth dealership I hit was the Harley-Davidson shop. While there I sat down on a Sportster. It wasn't even running but at that moment my life had changed, it had developed a clear focus. I became a Harley rider.

Yesterday I got that sensation again. I am a ruined man. The wave was only powerful enough for me to get to my knees, but I am hooked. Laying in bed last night I kept feeling the waves. They would wash over me in a mighty blast and then the current would try to sweep me away. And I wanted to let it take me.

I can never leave the coast. My next move will have to bring me closer to the beach. Eventually I will live in some coastal town in Southern California or Australia and do nothing but ride choppers and go surfing. Both are dangerous sports of balance and style. Freakin' Libra tendencies.

For now, I can rent a suit and board. By next summer, I'll probably want my own so at any time I can load up the truck and hit the beach. Ruined!

Surf Punk

I brought the camera with, but we didn't take any footage. Wouldn't have been much to see.

At quarter-after 10AM I hit All Surf Industry and rented a suit and board for the day. Nice folks. When I told the staffer I was headed to Canon Beach he actually said, "Awesome dude." Trying to keep myself from busting out laughing at this fine surfer stereotype, I thanked him for the goods and loaded up the truck. I headed across the river, picked up my friend, and away we went.

It wasn't a great day for surfing. Air and water temps were decent. The beach wasn't over crowded. Unfortunately the waves were breaking before building up to a good size for riding. I started off getting a feel for the waves using the boogie board my friend had brought with. A wave would start building, I would turn away from it, and the strength of the flowing water would carry me forward. I rode a few small waves this way. During this time my friend managed to catch one wave of a good enough size to get up and ride. The current was very strong, carrying us closer and closer to an outcropping of rocks. We paddled back to shore and took a breather.

While I was playing in the waves with the surf board, we got about thirty minutes of good waves. I lay on the board for a while, looking back at the waves. As large ones rolled in I would paddle forward, feel the board lifting behind me, and hold on as the ocean pushed me forward. During one I managed to get up on my knees before the power behind me faded.

That was the end of the good waves for the day. When we got close to the rocks again I traveled back up the shore to give it another go. The swells were quieting. I played around for a while, but nothing even remotely that good came in again.

So of course I have to do this again some time. Even without actually standing, surfing was great fun today. And next time, I'll catch one big enough to actually ride.

Redemption Song

Gumball Campaign

Just a reminder that as part of my 2008 election campaign I want to build a super trick muscle car and run the Gumball 3000. In order to do this I need to have at least $100,000 in my campaign fund. Currently I have $1.20 reserved for this.

Whip It, Whip It Good

Charity wants people to lend a hand...

Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon," a leading British reproductive healthcare charity said Friday...

However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.

Can I referee? Wouldn't want any cheaters. While I have no formal training in this area, I have done a lot of independent study.

Helter Skelter

Not only do I have a Mosaic Complex (Heed the Words of the Prophet!) but I come to find out that my wife shares a birthday with Charles Manson's favorite gal, Squeaky Fromme (aka Red), who was convicted of attempting to assassinate Ford.

9/11 Conspiracy-A-Go-Go

One-third see U.S. hand in 9/11.

More than a third of the American public suspects that federal officials assisted in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks or took no action to stop them so the United States could go to war in the Middle East, according to a new Scripps Howard/Ohio University poll.

This puts 9/11 easily on a par with the JFK assassination for conspiracy theory. Which means one side will repeat "Terrorists" and "al Qaeda" while the other side will sift through material ranging from the rationally plausible to the lunatic fringe. "Truth" is no longer possible at this point.

You are now leaving objective reality. Existence is getting sticky. Please check your hat.

Cat People are Sick

Common cat parasite affects human brains.

The Toxoplasma-gondii is spread by cats to humans and other animal species, including rats, and can lead to suicidal tendencies, said Dr. Kevin Lafferty, of the University of California at Santa Barbara in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society, Biology.

This might be why I not only dislike cats but tend to dislike cat owners as well. Sick bastards.

He Ate a Couple o' Surfers Who Were Too Tough to Chew

I currently have plans to go surfing for the first time this Sunday. I'll take the DV camera with so everyone can watch me wiping out over and over.

Proud To Be An American

Pepsi and Coke under fire again. India! Round 2! Fight!

CSE Director Sunita Narain told journalists in Delhi that samples from 12 states showed that Pepsi products contained 30 times more pesticides than found in 2003.

Likewise she said that Coke samples had 25 times the amount of pesticides found three years ago.

Thank goodness I live in the USA where soft drinks only lead to obesity, adult onset diabetes, and still disputed health risks over artificial sweeteners.

23 Skidoo

I wonder if Movie Madness has a copy of Skidoo.

REAL Old School Punk

The punks and the glams of Ireland have a long and proud tradition.

Life in the Iron Age may have been nasty, brutish and short but people still found time to style their hair and polish their fingernails -- and that was just the men.

Very, very metal indeed.

One of the bodies, churned up by a peat-cutting machine at Clonycavan near Dublin in 2003, had raised Mohawk-style hair, held in place with gel imported from abroad.

The other, unearthed three months later and 25 miles away in Oldcroghan by workmen digging a ditch, had perfectly manicured fingernails.

Fashion advice from beyond the grave.

...the hair product used by Clonycavan Man was a gel made of plant oil and pine resin imported from southwestern France or Spain...

I might have to try the pine resin trick.

Find out more from Irish bog bodies help unlock secrets of Iron Age.

Religious Litmus Test

Time for some sweeping generalizations.

Seems to me Islam won't be happy until everyone is Muslim. Once that is accomplished then the fight between the different sects can rage on until the one true sect is determined.

Seems to me Christians won't be happy until everyone is Christian. Once that is accomplished then the fight between the different sects can rage on until the one true sect is determined.

Seems to me the Jews don't give a flying fuck if you're Jewish or not. I've never once had a Jew try to convert me or even try to convince me that they had the superior religion. As long as you don't stand in the way of them practicing their religion as they see fit, everything is kosher. Try to force their hand and they'll drop kick you to the curb. It's like the Incredible Hulk vs. the League of Self Righteous Assholes.

No offense meant to Muslims and Christians that don't fit the profile, but the company you keep is tarnishing your reputation.

Turning a Prophet

In replies to a recent post, the Swede Transvestite suggested that I have a messianic complex. Considering the vlog of my recent dream and other dreams I have had and the visions I claim are sent to me from divine sources I would suggest that this simply is not true. I have a Moses Complex.

Heed the words of the prophet. Try not to touch any tentacles.

NSFW: Dreamscape

NSFW for so-called profanities. The idea of a 'bad' word is stupid.

Watch as I walk you through last night's dream. It is worth it to stick this one out to the end.

Bye-Bye Gabbly

I got rid of the Gabbly chat. I gave it a fair go, but it was more annoying than functional. After several weeks of trial, I'm sure no one will miss it.

Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee.

Buzzz!

I just drank a triple espresso. Normally this isn't something I would do before work since the crap in the lunch room can't keep pace. But this is the Friday after pay day, which means it's the machine shop potluck day. So I made a large caraffe full of espresso to share with everyone. That's about seven doubles. There should be enough for me to keep from crashing later.

Dream Home

Every so often I like to look at various houses on the market around the country using realtor.com. I'll put in the criteria that I feel is important for that particular day and sort the results by number of photos.

There is one room that can make or break a house for me. All other rooms I can see my way to accept design flaws or elements that I just plain don't like. But if I don't like the kitchen, I don't like the house.

For me, the kitchen needs to be big. It should have lots of counter space, plenty of cupboard space, an island, and preferably an open bar that allows communication with an adjoining dining room or rec room. All my life, the kitchen has been the center of events. In farm homes, everything centers around the kitchen. At every party I have attended since my earliest memories (back in those single digit age times) there has always been a group of people standing around the kitchen talking. The kitchen is where it's at.

But most houses have terrible, tiny kitchens. I can't seem to find urban dwellings with nice kitchens until I hit the $1 million range. I guess city folk don't cook unless they're rich enough to eat out every night.

I wanted to share this with everyone. More importantly, I want X, my un-running mate and architect, to rant and froth his understanding of this phenomenon.

Multiple Universes, Energized Space, and Thou, Whistling in the Darkness

Here is a quick and easy way to feed your brain today. It made my synapses all tingly. Go watch this video of physicist Lawrence Krauss.

I invited a group of cosmologists, experimentalists, theorists, and particle physicists and cosmologists. Stephen Hawking came; we had three Nobel laureates, Gerard 'tHooft, David Gross, Frank Wilczek; well-known cosmologists and physicists such as Jim Peebles at Princeton, Alan Guth at MIT, Kip Thorne at Caltech, Lisa Randall at Harvard; experimentalists, such as Barry Barish of LIGO, the gravitational wave observatory; we had observational cosmologists, people looking at the cosmic microwave background; we had Maria Spiropulu from CERN, who's working on the Large Hadron Collider — which a decade ago people wouldn't have thought it was a probe of gravity, but now due to recent work in the possibility of extra dimensions it might be.

From The Energy of Empty Space That Isn't Zero.

A Spanner Deviantly

Here's to old Uncle Albert! He lived a life that spanned three centuries. I now have most of his old tools. Today, using some down time at work, I bead blasted a few old wrenches. The gnarliest was a double ended spanner of 13/16 and 7/8 ends. The thing looks like it was salvaged from a wrecked pirate ship. Someone commented that they've seen tools salvaged from a shop fire that didn't look half as nasty.

The real puzzlers are two small double ended spanners. I measured the span and checked our charts to see what it might be. It was certainly not U.S. Standard or SI (metric). Someone suggested that it might be the old British Standard Whitworth. So we got out the machinists handbook since none of us knew what the old Whitworth measures were. Turns out the heads, the only part I was concerned with for my project, are the same as U.S. Standard so that wasn't it either. I do have a double spanner that is clearly marked 11/32 on one end and 13/32 on the other. Nobody in the shop, not even the old school machinists who often wow me with their machining lore, was aware that nuts and bolts of that size were ever in use. But these two little wrenches still defied all classification. Even allowing for broad tolerances, their sizing did not make sense with any known standard. One had the number 721 stamped into it. The other had the number 23 (and it was certainly NOT a metric 23 on either end) and the word "BUHL" stamped on it.

I'm going to take a few more of old Uncle Albert's deviant spanners into work for clean up and see if I can't piece this puzzle together.

AWPC

Overheard:

Just fuck off for a second!

In a world where I thought I had heard every use of the word fuck, a young woman has surprised me. I am forever in her debt.

Visions, Dreams, and Tyr

It's hard to get decent footage of yourself while walking.

Misinterpreted Headline

Once again I saw a headline and the image conjured was very different from the content of the story.

Georgia pledges to crush rebels.

I imagined a bunch of Southern blacks headed up by a deep breathing James Earl Jones trying to round up guys in white sheets with Confederate flag bumper stickers on their X-Wings. Someone please make this into a Star Wars fan film.

Good Night

I just wanted to say... oh, to hell with it.

AWPC

One of the operators had forced a ring that was too small for her onto her finger last night. She came into work with the ring still on and finger still swelling around it. She asked maintenance if there was any way we could get the ring off for her. We suggested cutting through the band with a diamond dremel bit.

Her: Do you think you can do that without hurting me?
Jake: My doctorate is in divinity, not medicine.

The operation was a success! We used a dremel, a wire cutter, and a needle nose pliars. In addition, the ring is completely salvagable by any jeweler. I don't have a degree for that either.

Professional transvestitism

With this article, I am starting to piece together why X likes New Zealand so much.

A male lawyer who appeared in a New Zealand court dressed in an ankle-length skirt, lace stockings and a diamond brooch said Tuesday he was protesting against a male bias in the country's justice system...

"It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't seen the gung-ho attitude in this case. The more this goes on and the deeper the cover-up gets, the frocks will get prettier," he said.

From transvestite lawyers to sheep and velcro gloves, the Kiwis have got what he wants.

Common Ground

Finally, feminists and fundamentalist Muslims have found something they agree on. They both find women parading around in swimsuits and high heels offensive to their senses. But fundamentalist Indonesian Muslims have done something that fundamentalist American feminists only wish they could do. Group files complaint against Miss Indonesia.

Left vs. Right Dog Fight

Jake gets in on the game with a little help from his friends.

Art on the Rampage

Two die in inflatable sculpture tragedy. Make certain to watch the video.

I will not laugh about death. It's not like this was a Darwin incident or anything. I just wish I could keep a straight face while reading that headline. The interview clips from the scene don't help, either.

The Return of the Son of Video Blogging 2

Still working out how best to video blog. I think you'll find this one a major improvement over the previous.

Spin

Don't watch it. You don't want to know. Old news. You'll only regret it.

Sistani calls for end to violence

I didn't see this one coming.

Iraq's most prominent Shia cleric, Ali al-Sistani, has called for an end to sectarian "hatred and violence". The grand ayatollah said the violence would only prolong the presence of US forces in the country.

I don't know anyone who didn't see this one coming.

But the US military admitted on Thursday the massive security clampdown that followed the killing of al-Qaeda leader in Iraq Abu Musab al-Zarqawi had achieved only a "slight downtick" in violence.

Third World Countries Still Don't Understand The Importance Of Being Rich

Unctad's latest report says aid should be used to make poorer economies more productive and boost wealth creation...

"If countries do not invest in infrastructure, they are not going to sow the seeds for growth and development in future."

Almost none of them have a PSP, an iPod, or even a Razr. A lucky few have SUVs but not the almighty status symbol of a Hummer.

I can't help but laugh at any article about world poverty that talks about GDP, paradigm shifts, and wealth creation.

"There are 600 million people in these countries. They have to develop and we have to help them. It's a moral, ethical, economic and political issue... Poverty reduction needs wealth creation."

Of course I have a better solution because I am an ego maniac running for top office and writing a blog. Abolish wealth to obliterate poverty. They are talking about some people having more money than other people. If you're really concerned about that, do away with money and the problem is solved.

People hate simple answers.

70 Years of Anarchy

Because I am always referencing the Spanish Anarchists;

70 Years ago this week, General Franco launched his attack on the Spanish Republic, backed by Hitler, Mussolini and, tacitly, by the US and other Western powers.

This intro story to the events of the Spanish Revolution only mentions the anarcho-syndicalists three times, but it is still a good read for those wanting to understand more of what happened.

The Jake perspective in short form:

Fascists took over in Spain, Western democracies didn't aid the resistance because the workers' power/anti-big business ideas of the anarcho-syndicalist revolutionaries scared them, this emboldened fascists in Italy and Germany who did aid the coup, resulting in WWII.

So if you're against Anarchism, you're a friend of Hitler.

Ethanol: Long Time Coming

According to the The Christian Science Monitor, ethanol is now a boom industry.

The ethanol industry "is growing much more rapidly than anybody expected," says Dan Basse, president of AgResource, an agricultural research and forecasting firm in Chicago. "It's a gold rush mentality."

Growing more rapidly than anybody expected? I remember during the farm crisis of the Reagan era farmers sitting around small town cafes wondering why it was taking so long for ethanol to take off as a fuel. It was to be their savior from the falling prices of their commodities and liberate Americans from foreign oil dependence bringing it home to the bread basket states. Instead ethanol was the subject of faked scientific scandals showing how it wasn't really that great, would make your car explode, and cause your testicles to shrivel up and fall off. Then when the family farms were devastated and swallowed up by giant agri-corps, ethanol infrastructure was established, every family had a gas guzzling SUV in the drive, and Americans were starting to scream bloody-freakin-murder-the-oil-exec about fuel prices, the auto industry smiles and pretends ethanol was their idea all along.

Glad to see two decades of farmers trying to cram the benefits of ethanol down people's throats is finally paying off. Just don't call it a gold rush.

Bats Day in the Fun Park

Every year a bunch of Goths, Punks, and other shady characters dressed in black descend upon Disneyland for what has become Bats Day in the Fun Park. For you spooky folks out there, book now for this year's Bats Day happening August 18, 19, and 20. It's so much fun that they can't even contain it to one day! One of these years I am going to go to this. I've never been to Disneyland but I know that Disney World is loads of fun. And Goth watching is one of my favorite hobbies.

Cello Rock!

I love Rasputina. What's not to love about two cellists and a drummer performing rock? While not a great capture of the performance, this was still cool to see.

Muslim Porn: CIA Psychological Warfare?

The title of this piece is very misleading. The author comments on the CIA topic once and doesn't back it up with any data. He does give extremely graphic and well researched details on what takes place, who is starring in it, and where to find it. He also says;

Whether they are viewed as nominal Muslims, cultural Muslims, bad Muslims or non-Muslims, the women who appear in these pornographic productions are presented as Arab and Persian Muslims. This is what makes them appealing. This is what makes them arousing. They are rarely ravished by Arab men, and never by Persian men. They are violated and desecrated by non-Muslim men, white and black, who are mainly nominal Jews or Christians. In adult films, black men and women never have sex together. While Jewish men and white men are free to have sex with whom they please, black men can only serve white women and black women can only be served by white men. Clearly, the purpose of porn is to divide the black man and the black woman. In the case of Muslims, the motivation is the same. The objective of Arab and Persian porn is to wage war against Muslim women, to defile them, degrade them, and discard them, to objectify them for political purposes and to assault the honor of Islam. It is thus the collective obligation of all Muslims to pressure the producers, ordering them to shut down their sites and stop producing such porn. If they fail to comply, they should be subjected to a class-action suit coordinated by Islamic associations throughout the world on charges of religious defamation.

More Common People

For those who couldn't quite stomach Shatner, try to swallow some Pulp.

Big Time Operator

I just needed some Dead Milkmen this morning and figured everybody else could do with a dose.

AWPC

Jake: I've always thought that welding was just like brain surgery. One slip and you've screwed the whole thing up.

Electrician: True, but when you're welding you can always weld in some filler and hit it with the surface grinder and nobody knows the difference.

Jake: See? Just like brain surgery.

Pointing and Giggling: Shatner, Jackson, and Folds

Pointing and Giggling: William, Joe, and Ben. Surprisingly awesome. Thanks Jewbacca.

From Freedom To Fascism

Because people hate to read, here's a 15 minute film (promo) on the myth of money, the absence of a law requiring individual income tax, and government/bank plans to track and control everybody. DOOOM!

Fisting the American Dream

Through the haze of the evening I think I have come up with the campaign slogan.

Micro Engines

At work we get the magazine Machine Design. So it was on a break that I saw their article on Replica Engines. They are scale models of actual engines and they RUN! Check out the videos to see and hear them running. I especially like the replica of the 1937 Harley-Davidson Knucklehead. It's amazing something that small can create that rich of a sound.

Synchronicity

Friday, July 7th, my fellow maintenance guy and I were discussing our appreciation for the early Syd Barrett years of Pink Floyd. See Emily Play. Biding My Time. Careful With That Axe, Eugene. We both felt it was truly revolutionary music that fueled acid rock and psychedelic music from its release to the present day. I'm pretty certain I only ever talked about the old Syd Barrett Pink Floyd years one other time, in 1990 if memory serves me right.

So what a wild synchronicity when I read the news last night and learned that Syd Barret passed away on Tuesday, July 11th.

Rocket Go Boom?

Fan's of Ze Frank are probably happy to hear that people will no longer be watching Amanda Congdon's rockets booming daily.

Punk Pit

A while back my boss joked with me that one of the operators was trying to get on maintenance, but they wouldn't take him because they had filled their quota on guys with mohawks and facial piercings when they promoted me.

Turns out they ARE bringing the guy with a mohawk and facial piercings onto maintenance. Cool. Plus there's the guy I currently work with who is a veteran of the punk rock scene. That means three of the eleven guys in the maintenance pit will be punks. Once the new guy is trained, it would be possible to have a maintenance shift staffed entirely by punks!

Wait, that's what I've got now. We're the under-staffed shift but we get the highest production numbers. So what's the difference?

There'd be THREE of us instead of two. We'd rock that much harder!

Leary's Legacy

The individual who sent this story my way surely most have known it would end up on my blog.

Mystic mushrooms spawn magic event: Findings could lead to treatments for addiction, depression.

People who took an illegal drug made from mushrooms reported profound mystical experiences that led to behavior changes lasting for weeks -- all part of an experiment that recalls the psychedelic '60s.

The research done points to the same conclusions and positively tested hypothesis as that done by a young Harvard professor by the name of Dr. Timothy Leary. He also began his psychedelic research with the psilocybe mushrooms. He later switched to LSD due to the substance's ability to be manufactured and accurately measured for reliable dosage. He also thought that it packed a lot more punch.

Some people blame Leary for the criminalization of psychedelics. It is proposed that his encouraging of individual use outside of a clinical setting (some called it recreational, others called it self medicating) is what lead to the severe scheduling of all psychedelics, halting clinical studies for several decades. Leary's revolt against the supposed scientific professionals seems justified. I know that I have little trust of psychiatrists, medical doctors, or religious leaders. Each has a valuable role in our society. Each should certainly be consulted for advice. But when it comes down to your physical, mental, and spiritual health, the final choices for treatment should belong to the individual. Leary recognized the mechanizations of a system of control and tried to liberate both the patient and the treatment.

My freshman year of college my World Religions professor was a short, jovial man who enjoyed wearing shorts and socks with his sandals. He also happened to be a prominent area minister. As an introduction to our chapter on substance use and the religious experience, he told us how he had taken LSD when it was legal and wished there was something like it he could bring to class for us to all try. It had been a very profound moment for him. Some weeks later I purchased some LSD from a friend. While the experience was not one I would call profound, I would be hard pressed to name a single moment prior to that in which I had experienced such intense joy. One is tempted to call it rapture.

All those who know what I'm talking about, give a wink with your third eye.

Choppers and Customs

Thanks to my old pal BW for passing this one along. It's called the Hyanide. A motorcycle with a tread base for all-terrain travel.

Of course I need to study this design more to determine the possibilities for making a chopper version.



And while trying (without success) to remember his website for a link up, I happened upon this; a do-it-yourself race car. It's a running gear and engine mounted in a block of composite foam that you are supposed to sand and shape to your liking and then lay fiberglass over. Designed by Marijn van der Poll.

Vol du Vin

I had this piece of carry-on luggage from my parents. It was sent with me last fall, stuffed full of frozen beef. Once before my parents had brought it to Portland on the airplane stuffed full of frozen beef. They returned to Minnesota with the same bag stuffed full of Oregon wine. Regardless of what my folks might think, Oregon wine is not just a little superior to Minnesota wines, it is a HUGE difference.

My parents are coming for another visit this summer and want to bring me some fresh beef. We are talkin' about corn fed black angus beef freshly butchered before the trip out. Needless to say, I want a piece of that action. To get it, I needed to ship their suitcase back to them. I figured I owed them a few bottles of wine for the favor.

Nobody had told me you couldn't mail wine via the United States Postal Service. What is this? Pakistan? Iran? This is obviously the work of the kinds of people who eat Freedom Fries. The French help us over-throw the empire on which the Sun never sets and we repay them by saying you can't ship wine. What a bunch of ungrateful bastards we are. The notion I could not mail wine hadn't crossed my mind.

Step back. Why would we not allow alcohol to be mailed? Ah. As one of those individuals who has chosen not to contribute to the ever increasing problem of over-population and movie theater noise pollution, I quite often DON'T think of the children. Obviously plenty of people do. I walked home from the post-office towing a rolling suitcase behind me because I hadn't realized I needed to lie to them about the contents of the bag. There are ways around this silly little restriction. I took the case back to the micro-winery where I had purchased the bottles in the first places. Yes, they could ship it. Yes, just in time since this is the last shipment of the summer due to weather concerns involving shipping. No, not liable for damage. Just fill this out. Thank you and, oh, we can't ship it in that. Only in one of our approved containers. My final destination in this quest of trying to ship mildly alcoholic beverages from one consenting adult to another was UPS. While I despise the carrier on many levels, at least they shipped my package. Of course there was an additional fee since I used a rectangular, box like piece of luggage instead of a box.

(If you are a parent, read the closing marked "A". If you are childless, skip ahead to closing remark "B". Thank you for your cooperation.)

A: Next time I'll have the winery ship the vino and mail the luggage back separately... in a box.

B: If a kid wants alcohol they are going to get it. Worst case scenario the kid can order up a complete home brewing kit that contains everything required to make alcohol. Since it contains no actual alcohol, mostly just garden variety grains and sugar, with a little yeast, it's as easy as mail ordering a home bread kit. And restricting me from easy access to alcohol just makes me irritable. I'm old enough to own guns.

Well I'm Going Out West Where I Belong

It occurs to me that Jake is going all West Coast. Since moving west I have found myself saying 'dude', 'awesome', and 'totally' quite frequently. I have yet to say, "Totally awesome, dude!" The phrase has started to lurk in my brain, though.

Owning a chopper is totally West Coast. I may have built the bike in Minnesota, but it has west coast style. Fits right in while standing out. And I ride it to work every day in true West Coast chopper culture style. Scooters are prevalent, but I'm fairly certain it is just a fad.

Now we've got a 1972 Super Beetle. Old Volkswagens are about as West Coast as you can get. These freaks with their SUV's out here are posers. The surf bums, beach combers, and hippies have all got old V-Dubs.

Learning to surf will push it all over the edge. While there are tons of surf spots around the globe, surfing is typically West Coast. The major surf meccas are all along the Pacific. Leading the pack are California, Hawaii, and Australia.

Perhaps I am merely adapting to my environment. Maybe I am taking the opportunity to re-invent Jake. Or maybe I am just selling out. Doesn't matter, really. The West Coast in the summer is pretty sweet, dude.

Surf Punks

A co-worker has offered to show me how to surf. One of these weekends we'll load some gear in the truck and head on down to the shore. He's got a friend who is a surfing tutor that he owes a ride to the beach to. I can't wait. It obviously hasn't been a high priority, but I've always wanted to surf. Told him that I doubt I'll become a surf bum since it's hard to strap a board to a chopper. Then I remembered our current car project, the 72 Super Beetle. "See man? Throw a board rack on top and you're already part of the culture." Jake surfing. Who'd a thunk it?

Apparently Oregon surfing only sucks during the summer. If you're brave enough to hit the coast in January when it's about 40F and raining, they have killer storm swells.

Fjord of Lies

Ugly Fish Hat has an eloquent if somewhat lengthy post about human nature. I choked back the urge to skip the essay and actually read the whole thing.

Everything about it is fine until the last paragraph. Not that I agree with the entire post, but that I have no trouble with the stated observations and her interpretations and internalizations of them. I appreciate it when people think things out for themselves. But that last paragraph...

Perhaps we should not ignore our capacity for obedience in our educational system and begin to teach people how to choose better leaders since it is in our nature to look for them. But that, my friends, is a different ball of twine.

I felt it wasn't right to leave a comment about that one paragraph since she specifically states that the statement, for her at the least, is not part of the broader post. But such a statement gets my engines all fired up, so I want to shift into gear and lay down some rubber and smoke.

For starters, I'll ignore the run-on sentence. Blogs should not be held to the fire like more serious literary and journalistic platforms. I would hate for my postings to be picked apart for grammar and semantics. At least a little.

Why would a public education system provided by people who have sought and gained positions of power (elected government) be encouraged to teach people how to choose better leaders? The opposite seems more likely. Teaching people to think is dangerous. Teaching them to answer, sublime.

Personally, I think we would do better to encourage individuals to resist obedience.

You're all individuals!
YES, WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
You're all different!
YES, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!
I'm not.
Shhhh.

If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

Thanks for providing a rant platform, Bree. Much appreciated.

Anarchism Update

So it turns out that my old World of Warcraft guild decided they wanted to adopt about five pages worth of rules because nobody bothered to read the two sentences of the original guild charter.

(Guild) is a World of Warcraft Horde guild chartered on the Thunderhorn server on June 7th, 2005.

(Guild) is an experiment in Anarcho-Syndicalist organization.

Don't think too poorly of them. Many officials elected to national office think that when the Bill of Rights says, "Congress shall make no law regarding an establishment of religion," that it actually means that Congress shall make some laws pertaining to such. The confusion is so wide spread that the Supreme Court has even ruled in favor of some laws in the past.

If people qualified to sit on the Supreme Court can't understand no law, how could I expect a bunch of video game nerds to understand Anrcho-Syndicalism had they bothered to read the charter. Though when I would use the term around them they were always quick with, "You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--" and, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

Then I was slain by an elf.

So Very Wrong

Looking at the shot of a sticker riddled van over at Swede Transvestite, I was reminded that I have still not seen this combination of popular stickers.

Somebody out there has to have done it. I wouldn't. Mostly because I don't want any stickers on my otherwise non-descript truck.

NSFW: Ben Franklin

I bet Ben Franklin would be both offended and delighted by this video. What have we got here? One of the Bikini Bandits does a photo shoot to celebrate Ben Franklin's 300th birthday. I knew I had to share this when I saw that Jewbacca had posted several video clips about libraries on his new site. This video talks about libraries as well. And it's about one of the founding fathers, and liberty, and hooters!



I should have spent Independence Day at a strip club. It's what Ben would have wanted. Next year!

AWPC

Me: Hey. You gotta take that flag down from your inspection table.
Guy: What?
Me: Yesterday was Independence Day. Today it's back to being a slave.

End of an Era

For the past year I have been involved in a World of Warcraft guild founded as an experiment in anarchism. For those who aren't familiar with massively multiplayer online games, guilds are groups of people who gather under a name of their choosing for the purpose of enhancing their game play experience. Each guild can determine their own internal dynamics including hierarchies and rules of conduct. I was the first non-leader of the guild which I had started with a small group of friends. Due to the nature of the game dynamics, someone had to be 'in charge'. It wouldn't let me set it up any other way. So I made the best of it and took the title 'Grand Illustrious Masterful Poobah' or GIMP. After a few months when the whole thing hadn't blown up in my face, I handed the experiment over to someone else and took a major back seat.

For some reason I will never understand, the growing guild has started down a path where people feel they need structure and rules. Things had been going fine without them. So I left the guild. I don't need or want rules no matter how well intentioned, but the majority sees no problem with it. I am exercising my natural right of free association and opting to play without a guild.

But I am not upset about the new course. Anarchism as a guiding principle actually worked for a full year! Even amongst people who were not professed anarchists or disagreed with anarchism. For some reason they stuck around, stuck it out, and the game went on just fine. When things needed doing, people stepped up and did them. When people needed to bow out for a while, others stepped up to fill the gaps. It worked! For a YEAR! To me, 50 some odd people who hardly know each other voluntarily working together to accomplish the goals of a game is pretty damn impressive.

Chopper Basics

YouTube didn't seem to play well with my video footage. But there are options. So here is the footage of my chopper via Google. C'mon Everybody!

Independence Day

I have the next four days off thanks to a weekend followed by a national holiday. Everyone around me has been talking about the "Fourth of July". That is what everyone calls it. When did this happen? If I recall, it is actually called "Independence Day". The Fourth of July is just a date on the Gregorian calendar.

I like the idea of an Independence Day. Independence is a great idea. This year marks the 230th anniversary of the day when a bunch of people decided rather than just shooting at and generally trying to sabotage imperial rule, they would sit down and write a long list of reasons why they were doing this and declare a solid goal of independence. The Declaration of Independence laid the ground work for ink on paper being the primary force of the new nation, giving birth to the world's first great bureaucracy. Ever since it has been proven that the pen is truly mightier than the sword, especially when wielded by a politician during a time of national crisis. Just think, America has been doing this for 230 years. When things need doing, the United States knows that the thing to do is gather together a committee and write up a piece of paper that states what is going on, how people feel about it, and what should probably be done about it. They know how to phrase it, debate it, amend it, deliberate on it, vote on it, file it, duplicate it, circulate it, and archive it. It is true that the battle between the colonists and the British had been going on for some years before July 4th, 1776 Gregorian. But from that day forward it was official because it was written down!

Happy Independence Day! Let's all celebrate in the style of our fore-fathers; by getting drunk and blowing shit up. Oh, and don't forget to write about it before hand so it can be official.